I think two of the things you mentioned that people are so often guilty of are talking too long with these extended speeches and taking things personally. After a few minutes of talking the child starts to tune you out and will eventually forget what they are even in trouble for. Be clear and to the point and keep it short. Kids are kids and they are going to do and say stuff that upset us and hurt our feelings. NEVER take in personally. They are kids and don't always comprehend the magnitude of the things they say. Talk calmly about it once things have settled.