I Ran Away And Let It Go
Lately I have been spending a lot of time soul searching and trying to figure out what it is I want out of life. It has been quite strange as four years ago I felt that I was on the right path and that I was heading in the right direction. Then I fell pregnant with my second child and after that it was like I could never fit into my old life anymore. Just a side note, I am not at all blaming my second child, it was just coincidence that it happened at the same time and in my opinion was bound to happen sooner or later.
It was quite an interesting journey for me and one in which I learnt an incredibly lot about myself as a person, mother and wife. I am still busy trying to figure it all out. All I remember was that everything just felt so hard. Like fighting to carry on living, what I now call my old life, was a chore and hard. Most of the times it just felt that everything was going wrong. It felt like I was on the right path and then a boulder knocked me off and I just couldn’t get back on. Last year I finally had a light bulb moment. I asked myself, “but what if the old path isn’t the right one anymore? Maybe you were knocked onto the right one”. I just couldn’t see it. I kept asking myself why this was happening to me. Had I not worked incredibly hard to get to this point?
It carried on and it carried on. Now you might ask why I held on so long? Well, it’s simple. I’m stubborn and I was scared. I was scared that people would judge me for failing and for being weak. Then one day I had a thought. I wrote the following “Sometimes failing at something and letting it go is not running away and should rather be seen as creating the freedom for what you are destined to be doing in the first in place.”
unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation,
unless you realize that the situation is over,
you cannot move forward."
-Steve Maraboli
That was it. I knew I had finally got to a place where I could let it go and I did. Now I’m on a mission to find out what the “what you are destined to be doing” part is. It’s been enlightening so far and I’m finding myself going back to when I was a child and remembering what it was that I enjoyed doing before life and people’s expectations took over. My advice to anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation is to talk. Talk and then when you think that you are done talking, talk some more. In the end listen to your heart and not your head. The head is where most of our self-doubt, negative talk and fear come from.
Thank you for reading and remember to keep smiling.
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Beautifully written, straight from the heart, and never call it failing! You did great to get that far but now need to change direction, nothing wrong with that!
As an aside I honestly believe that having children not only messes with our hormones...the pregnancy stage & thereafter, which throws us off balance, but also changes our perspective on life and what we want from it. Don't be so hard on yourself @jusipassetti, and just take it easy now, you deserve it. Better things will come your way, and any experience gained will be used in the future.
Thank you for kind words. I'm actually happy I went through it as I learnt a lot. Your encouragement means a lot to me as always and yes in life there are always better things to come.
This hits home! In my short 22 years I feel like my life direction has already changed so much from what I previously envisioned. I do feel that these course corrections are beneficial to us, even if it may not always appear to be so at first glance.
People can judge you + your actions but they cannot understand you or your actions through judgement.
We have every right to change our directions to seek unshakeable contentment! Cheers @jusipassetti, may you continue finding happiness and letting go of what no longer serves you.
Thank you for your heartfelt words of encouragement. It means a lot to me.
For some reason I find this post exciting. Very cool read. I felt like you're writing it from your heart, and I could identify with you in many points. As for letting go, sometimes I remind myself of a song Let It Be by the Beatles, some powerful wisdom in this song. I'm following you for more thrilling posts like this one, thank you @jusipassetti!
Thank you very much for the compliment and yes it's straight from the heart. I really believe that we don't speak from our hearts enough and always try to express myself honestly.
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