This is quite a journey you describe here! Very genuine and I totally get the point - to find the voice, one has to also in a sense find oneself too. The voice eventually finds you as it were.

I can write if pushed, at any time, but unless I am at rock bottom, what I write appears too banal when I review it. It gets shelved or tossed. I have to learn to go with it and just hit publish more often.