My experience is that as you grow older (in your thirties and onwards) you just have to learn to appreciate the "calm" months or years. There's always some shit thrown at you. A parent dies, you get a kid (which is not shit, but it means constant worry) , you find a lump somewhere and you are sure you will die of cancer. Your back is hurting, you work to much, etc etc. There's just a constant stream of shit being thrown at you. That is life. How you deal with it determines your life quality. The parent dying is easier than you think, your kid is OK, the lump was probably something else, and money isn't that important.

I just think I've gotten so much better at parry (parrying?) all the shit that's thrown at me. Sure, I get anxiety sometimes, even depressed. But the more you talk to people about profound shit like this, you realize that every-bloody-one goes through the same shit. We're all out there in the shitstorm that is life.

It's stressful at times, scary and even paralyzing sometimes. But sometimes it's just mellow and quite too. I've learned to REALLY enjoy myself when things are calm. That way I have strength when the shit is raining.

Imagine, EVERY person you every see, with no exception, will at some point in life feel exactly as you do. Everyone will lose someone close, everyone will get some sort of disease and die (some lucky bastard will probably quietly die in his/her sleep at 100 years old, but I wouldn't count on it).

You're still fairly young, and the process you're in now where you feel you're cleaning yourself is going to continue. It is indeed a healing process from all the abuse most people have been going through in a sick society that we've been adjusted to our entire life.