Abusive behaviors -Or 'Why do we have to put up with BS?'
My dearest fellow Steemian @inber was my initial inspiration for this post - thank you girl ;)
I was thinking...how nice and diplomatic is Steemit after all?
Do I have to put up with spammers and all kinds of bullshit just because I want to be nice? (or maybe I just have to be nice?) I mean, don't get me wrong, I really do want to be nice (no reason not to) but sometimes there's no other option but being mean (like my nickname suggests, @meanmommy33) or even rude -and I really hate to do that.
How am I supposed to answer to a comment like this according to you? :
"Nice" or "Cool" or I specifically remember a guy who commented in 2 of my posts ending with "dude" and "bro".
Some are 'decent' enough to just disappear, there are those though who get aggressive and rude if you actually tell them off.
And now, making it a bigger issue than Steemit, I couldn't help but wonder: Do I have to put up with bullshit in my life?
I'm 33 years old, I've lived in 4 countries already, I have 4 University degrees and speak 4 languages fluently and another 2-3 ok-ish. I never asked for anyone's help and I might not be brilliant or a genius but I've accomplished some stuff in my life so far. So, considering this 'profile' do I have to take inhuman behavior? Do I have to put up with whatever whoever has in mind? Or shall I step up and just let them burn?
Why do we have to stay to dead end jobs or relationships? Why do we always have to be someone's puppy, either that's a boss,a friend or a boyfriend/girlfriend (or unfortunately, in some cases, all of those together).
Why do I have to take stuff that if I do them instead then I'm the bad guy? I really don't get it!
Would you let a spammer keep harassing you on Steemit by commenting bullshit on your posts? Certainly not! You would flag the hell out of him/her. So why do we let people do that to us in real life?
"What's this shit you're wearing?"
"Oh yeah, it's not the same when I do it"
"I promise I never lied before"
"Why are you whining so much"
"You know I don't say 'I love you' "
"You're not doing it right"
"This is not what I meant"
"I don't know, stop pressuring me"
"Sorry I had to change your shift"
"Faster, is that the best you can do?"
"I wanna do that, you're welcome to join"
"You'll never find anyone better"
"You belong here"
"You need me"
Any of that sounds familiar to you? Well, those phrases are part of abusive relationships of all kinds. You hear them, you go -there's not 'but he didn't mean it', 'but I can't afford it', 'it took me so long to find this job', 'we have kids together'. Just get out and never look back.
Whoever is poisoning the present with traumas of the past is doomed to damage the future. Do you want a damaged future? I sure don't, so I'd rather stay away from toxic people -even if that means being alone - than having to deal with abusive behaviors.
It might seem silly, but spamming on Steemit is a type of abusive behavior. Thankfully it is easily manageable and relatively harmless.
What about real life though?
I'm waiting for your opinions on everything I wrote and your views on all matters. I'd be happy to interact and elaborate.
Until then, Happy Sunday and don't forget to smile (even to your abuser - that's the best revenge you can offer them!)
Pictures from the temporary exhibition in the Cathedral of Lund, in Sweden "The Temple of Uppåkra"
Remains of an Iron Age building excavated in the area, during 2000–2004. Lars Larsson (2007) argued that the find represents "the first Scandinavian building for which the term 'temple' can be justly claimed".
Comments like "nice" and shit are not abuse. They're just shit comments. Neither is calling you "bro" either. It's just an expression. Ignore them. It's one thing to post a meaningless comment, and a totally different thing to force someone to do something. You shoulnd't take shit from anyone, but don't confuse harmless words with actual abuse! Just my two cents...
Maybe I should have elaborated. Harassment on social media is considered a form of abuse. Abuse and Violence are not the same thing. Neither does psychological abuse and physical abuse. And yes, most of them are forcing me to follow them after their shitty comment.If that's not digital abuse then what is?
They're not forcing you to do anything. You can always ignore them. Constant flagging could be a form of abuse, or a credible threat or doxing. Comments are not.
The way you see it, the way I (and many fellow Steemians, who have been here much longer than me and you) see it - this is what we call difference of opinions. ;)
Difference of opinion is fine and dandy... But flagging like you suggest is not a solution. Your burying that person's opinion under the rubble, effectively censoring them. If that, I do not agree. You can disagree and that's fine :)
Who said I'm flagging?!?! I never flagged anyone commenting on my content!!! Please don't write things like that before checking or asking because you might send a wrong impression out there...
And flagging is not what I suggest as a solution. I think you totally misunderstood my post then. Oh, I did flag one once, not on my content, who was flagged from other people too as a clear spammer. And that's that, since I joined.
You would flag the hell out of him/her- you kind of did suggest it though. I don't think you do this, but others would. And I, for one don't find that cool. My point was don't conflate some words, with actual abuse in real life. To that kind of thing I totally agree with you :)Oh and by the way, the main focus of this post (if you read it all...) is not nearly that...(obviously...)
I know it's not the main focus, but I think the premise you start from is flawed...
...and this is one of the reasons I love steemit (and social media in general for that matter): Everyone is allowed to their own views and opinions ;)
Not quite. Alot of social media platforms censor alot of stuff like my opinions.. Hell, I regularly get locked out of twitter. I don't want this place to turn into that circle-jerk of SJWs
excellent
my point exactly... Thanks
Indeed it is about waking up, and become aware of our cultural brainwashing...
And of course asking the ever important meaning of life question: "supdude"?
Thanks for your input and for checking my post out but I'm not quite sure we're talking about the same thing... My central focus here is interpersonal relationships basically so I don't see how the brainwashing you're referring to applies on that.
The cultural brainwashing is acquired from the day we are born.
It is unavoidable. All our relationships are affected in someway.
I saw your post as being written by someone who is in the process of waking up and asking some intelligent questions.
Similarly I see this whole new social interaction of steem as a truly eclectic group of people who are seeking to become more aware. A whether we realize it or not we are challenging the brainwashing.
Gradually becoming aware of how deep the conditioning goes, not only in others but especially ourselves.
Perhaps I ramble a bit, be that as it is.
Cheers
I wasn't sure I got what you meant and from your answer I understand that indeed I hadn't haha... I'm not sure I agree that we're born with it(I don't know if Culture is in our genes) but yes, our culture affects since a very early age indeed. Aha! You used an amazing word! Eclectic! This is how I see it too that's why I get annoyed when I see the least eclectic people in here sometimes... You don't ramble! That's why I made this post, to get inputs ;) Have a great Sunday!
Yeah, you don't have to put up with everyone's bullshit, you have to step up,
you are better off without them.
Thanks for the support! Strange that this comment appeared only now when I see it's been posted 6(!!!) days ago!!! I'm sorry for the late reply, but it just wasn't there :/
We all have to come to terms with our own self-worth and demand that others treat us with respect and it's a work in progress all during life - for me it is at least. I find it comes in waves for me but I get better at it all the time. Best wishes with reckoning and coming to your own truths about how you want to walk through the world!
sigh... My favorite Ruth...Whose even the simplest comments are wise... :) I was afraid it's gonna take a lifetime... but if I manage to get to freedom, worth it!!! :D Hugs from Denmark @natureofbeing!
Every word is true, about steemit and about IRL too.
I especially enjoyed about "bro". Damn, I had the same conversation! Multiple times. Already started thinking that I really look like bro! And despite the fact I was correcting that person for three times - he kept calling me "bro".
I had the same one calling me 'dude' and 'bro' in different posts... I think both of our pictures clearly show that we are women wtf... Thanks for reading it girl! :)
Btw I was really impressed about your achievements!:) Personally I have only master's degree in art, and I was proposed to have PhD but... When I saw the theme and my potential curator I understood that I'll really better die. So I overslept at the day of exams on purpose.
Later I wished to have the second education, but didn't last long there. Well, second one in my country is only about giving money, not about knowledge. And the first one mostly too, but I was lucky to study in a academy where it was different
Thank you! Well one master's in art is not only one ;) Especially if you live somewhere that knowledge doesn't count as much, then if you have an education at a master's level you're badass! :D I have the same issues now with a PhD...I'm thinking about it, but not sure for a number of reasons including supervisor...