The Ultimate Guide for STEEM and Steemit
This is the only guide you'll ever need for STEEM and Steemit!
What do I do?
Well...this is a social media site. You post stuff that you want to post. You vote on stuff that you like. You comment on stuff if you want to engage in a discussion or leave a brief message.
So, it's like a social media site?
Ugh...
Yes.
What is STEEM?
That's the funny money that you earn for doing social media stuff on Steemit. You can convert it to Bitcoin, if you want. From there, you have many options for "cashing out." Google it.
How does all of this work?
Is it really that important? Will you understand it anyway? Just know that you can post, comment, and vote on stuff, then cash out your earnings. When you buy a car, do you really need to know how the alternator or the fuel injection works, or do you just start it up and drive it off the lot?
And that's it. The Ultimate Guide for STEEM and Steemit.
Now...where's my $100???
Seriously though. It's getting ridiculous...again.
Content Status: OBVIOUSLY-SLAYED!
The Ultimate Guide to Making Great Comments on STEEMIT Posts!!!
Tricks and Tips to massaging the poster's ego:
(for novices who aren't used to sucking internet cock) Say things like: "Wow, great job!" or "Awesome sauce, bro :)"
(for serious blogger dick suckers) Say things like: "Are you God? No. Seriously. That has to be the most intelligent, well written piece that has ever graced the internet, paper or stone...like, really, you've forever changed my life with your expert prose and unmatched wisdom." or, simply, "I want to have your babies [suck your dick]!!!"
Tricks and Tips to getting YOUR dick sucked, as a commenter!!!
Be a whale.
Awesome sauce, bro!
Hahaha... nice!
See what I did there? I deflected your comment into a compliment of my own with expert use of my own laughter, pause, and then compliment. Another option would have been to reply with a clever joke -- the quicker the better...unless you do it in a matter of seconds after having the comment show up, that just makes you look like a desperate chump.
The sweet spot is about 3 minutes for witty replies. That's enough time for a fast typer to not give a shit for a solid 2 minutes before he lifts his lazy, I-don't-give-a-shit ass off of his sofa to type the I-don't-give-a-shit-what-you-think-about-it, no effort, yet exceptionally witty reply.
The first approach makes me appear fun and approachable (works better for women on men or good lookin' dudes on gay dudes). The second shows that I'm witty and perhaps a bit of an intellectual challenge (this works better for men on women -- the cornier the joke the better, as long as you throw a ;) at the end of it, otherwise it better be really good and a :P might be more appropriate).
Now I wait for the inevitable response from you, which, of course, is an upvote and a follow...bro :)
I really should be charging Steem for these tips :P
Hear that sound? Me clapping with one hand for the great comment performance. Music for my clay tablets.
Nice comment, bro!
Notice how I waited over 3 minutes to reply...don't want to look too desperate do we? No. We make THEM sit on top!
Also, when you've had enough of a comment thread with some sad sap but still want a chance to get a follower or upvote out of them in the future, stop replying but leave an upvote on their last comment. This is classic pro commenter behavior, few are adept enough to pick up on this trick.
Wow! You kept talking to yourself. You couldn't see that I had left the conversation? I had to go, it must've been the sauce. ;)
Who needs a conversation when you have my kind of awesome sauce?...well, when you're sober maybe, but who wants to be sober?
Not jamesbrown.
Good comment, btw, bro!
Wow. I feel like I just received a PhD in Steemology. You are so full of social media wisdom. Do you privately tutor?
3 minutes...
I don't formally educate on this all but forgotten art-form, but I am currently in the middle of writing a book related to this topic.
I haven't settled on a title, but I'm leaning towards How to Make Women Drenched with Horniness and Blogging Dudes Deathly Jealous of you, Despite Having an Embarrassing Speech Impediment and a Small Penis for Even an Asian!!! (no offense to Asians intended... just working off of a rumor that I've heard).
My last comment example is of how to purposely receive flags -- free of charge!
The key is to aim at triggering as many genders and races as possible. This doesn't come easy to me because I'm neither a racist nor a sexist nor a misanthrope, but I can still pull it off with a little effort, mostly because I have so much experience pulling off the douche-bag image.
This is something that takes time to accomplish, but I assure you, if you stick with it long enough you can become an expert like me!
Will this "book" be shared on Steemit in 100-word chapters every day for 6 months?
(؛ ¡⊥I dsɐɹƃ ʇ,uop ∩ ǝsnɐƆq ʇsnſ ɟɟnʇS ƃɐןℲ uıɐƃ∀ ɹǝʌƎ ɹǝʌǝN ∩ pu∀
Didn't we have those kind of posts a million of times. I wonder if people get confused on google. Anyways, Thanks much for teaching me more today. Can't ever be enough. Right? cute post though about that topic:)
Yes. But after a couple of months have passed, the opportunity arises to milk the easy rewards again. Get in while the gettin' is good! I encourage everyone to do their own post about a STEEM/it guide. No sense in letting the same people have all of the fun.
I get it! Good luck!
In fact... Let this serve as an announcement for a new contest.
Steemit Guide Contest!
Share your best Steemit Guide with us and tag it with #sg-contest as the first tag. The most entertaining one, as judged by me, will receive 25 STEEM from me.
I like humor, so a serious guide will not score well. Anyone who wants to contribute to the reward fund is welcome to do so. Good luck!
Steemit Guide in Easy Steps
1. Sign up
Oh shit.
Make this a post and you might win!
It's not only funny...but it's sadly true!
here's my entry ...
https://steemit.com/steem/@tuck-fheman/the-1-reason-why-you-need-to-make-a-markdown-syntax-guide
If only there was a way to re-post that and swap out "Markdown Styling Guide" with "Steemit Guide." Then add the contest tag...and win the prize!
Knowing how Steemit functions behind the scenes will only break more hearts.
Yeah...I think the last thing we want is for everyone to understand exactly how STEEM is made. It would make so many people question all of their life choices.
How on earth didn't this post already reached 100$. Something is not right!
I know! It's a travesty!
Yup, it's all right here!!
This will be available for download after 7 days. You'll be able to hold a physical copy in your hands for the low price of $100 SBDs. I will begin taking pre-orders soon. Don't miss out on the opportunity to have this valuable information forever! (Until it physically decays.)
I shall order many copies for my extravagant tomb!!
Excellent! I'll be rich!
I mean...you'll be rich...with social media wisdom! For posterity!
Thank you for this information!
You're welcome. I tried to be as concise as possible. I mean...it's pretty self-explanatory, but some people are easily confused.
I was easily confused until today!
Glad I could help!
I'm still holding out for The Complete Idiot's Guide to Bluffing Your Way in Steemit in a Nutshell for Dummies in 21 Days.
Oh...did I already tell you about that work in progress?
True, I think in the future users won't even need to know what the actual token is called that is being used to power up the platform. As long as they know its real money and real money they can use to send fee-less anywhere and to anyone.
That is the thingamajigs that you transfer to @gutzofter. He will explain all about it, after he then transfers it to @blocktrades
Also transferable to @ats-david!
Dibs
Dammit!