Lets work on some Active Listening Skills Before SteemFest
An important skill to have is "active listening". Having the presence to attend to the person speaking is very important.
As more preparation for SteemFest2 I have re-worked one of my first articles published on SteemIt. I've always planned to do this, because I want this material to get better and better over time. Eventually I can put it on a website when it's good enough.
One problem I have, is that when I am very excited, or in a great mood, I talk way too much. This can easily become a turn off. I used to excuse myself by saying "at least I feel good, so that's ok". Now I know, that if I want to keep feeling good, I need to be more attentive to others in conversation. It's not so important for me to tell people what I'm excited about. Why should they even care if I am not paying attention to what they say? It's fine and well to be a loud talker at a family picnic. However, I need to make sure this isn't a problem over in lisbon. So, that's why I'm re-working this old post of mine.
I can afford to pay attention.
In an overstimulated world, news flashes by on the ticker, while we take in the propaganda. At the same time we scroll our feed, and chat in a few DMs. There are a million things vying for our attention. Engaged listening is becoming a lost art. Many people we interact with every day are doing 10 other things while we have a chat. It's hard to pay attention when we are used to everything grabbing for our attention.
Be Interested to Be interesting
The more interested we are in other people, the more they will like us, and want to help us. This isn’t a method of manipulation, where you act interested to get what you want. You need to be actually interested in other people, and really care about them. When we truly care about people, we want to help them better themselves and succeed at what they are interested in. This is called co-operative living. Remember the old way of competing for success? You see where that has gotten us?
“The less you talk about yourself, and the more you put the spotlight on the other person, the more they will actually like you in return.” - Arel Moodie
In order to become well liked, you need to pay attention to other people. You probably know someone who is really good at sales, or generally successful, because they properly attend to the needs of others. Even though, historically, I am not the best at social skills, my mom is incredible! She remembers the birthdays of all of my friends and details about their lives, offers them food and beverage when they visit, The Works! Now, I’m not saying you need to take it that far, especially if this sort of thing isn’t natural to you. However, a little attention goes a long way.
Active Listening
A good listener is valued wherever they go. Someone who thinks that they are a good talker may be loathed everywhere they go, but they’ll never know. They are too busy talking.
You may have heard this old saying:
Listen:
The first thing is to really listen when someone is speaking. Don't wait for your turn to speak. Don't interrupt because you thought of something cool to add. Don't Interupt to finish their sentance.
This might not be easy, at first, if you aren’t used to it. However, this is one of the most valuable skills you can offer. It costs you no sbd, and only means you must care more about what someone else has to say before leaving your feedback.
Affirm:
While listening, nod, and add some affirmations such as “uh huh,” “oh?”, “right!,” “excellent!”. Something quick enough so that they can continue speaking, but also shows that you are still listening. You don’t need to be charismatic. You just need to listen, and pay real attention to other people. Trying to say something interesting can easily fall short. Also, listening takes way less energy than than thinking of the right thing to say.
Summarize:
This is where you make a statement based upon what you have heard. This is important. If you skip to the next step “follow up question,” you can come across as an interrogator. In this statement, I will repeat back some of the information I received so that I are sure I understood you correctly. This way, you’ll know pretty quickly if you didn’t. This type of feedback ensures that you and the other person are on the same page. This is not the time for you to give advice. That is a classic blunder that people (especially guys) fall into. If someone wants advice, they will most likely ask you for it.
Ask:
Now, we move on to the follow up question. You are going to choose a question based off of what has already been said, to deepen your understanding of the speaker. Avoid “yes or no” questions, or other questions that can be answered with a simple statement. Instead of “so, you really like fishing?” try, “what got you into fishing?” or “what is it about fishing that you enjoy so much?”
Listen, Affirm, Summerize, Ask
Keeping these guidelines in mind will help me a lot in life. Feeling good is not an excuse for me anymore, because talking to much and putting people off leads to not feeling good. I will feel better when I am very practiced at giving people the attention they deserve.
When you are meeting people, a good opening question is, “what exciting projects do you have coming up?” or “what are you really passionate about?” This type of attention will reward you with valuable information that you can use to find out how you can help. Perhaps with a web resource, a thoughtful suggestion, or taking care of tasks that they might not have time for.
Helping others is what life is all about, according to this new paradigm of Co-Operative Living.
All of this lets people know you aren't a self absorbed prick, and that you are worth spending time with. If you really don’t care about other people, you may want to re-consider. No person is an island. We all need each-other. Here, there, and everywhere.
”Great listeners are irresistable because they sense what we want to hear. Soothing noises are a part of their art. At it’s heart lies techniques to seduce purses, votes, and minds.” - Catherine Blyth, “The Art of Conversation”
References
- The Art of Likability Podcast - Arel Moody. Episodes 2 and 3.
- Julian Treasure: 5 Ways To Listen Better
- @inquiringtimes - Of Course! You don't need Social Skills to be Successful on Steemit
- @inquiringtimes - What!?! me? At Steemfest?!!! Maybe you can help!
- @narconaught - A Traveler's Guide To Lisbon, Portugal for Steemfest2
- @mikepm74 - Firepower's Steemfest Contest #2 Nomination - @inquiringtimes
- @firepower - Contest #2—Win a Free Ticket to SteemFest 2017 at Lisbon!
- @inquiringtimes - How to make a good introduction at steemfest, or anywhere for that matter
Such beautiful advice, one of the best I have read on the internet, a really beautiful article. Thanks for sharing. I can relate to most of what you have said, especially finishing the sentence before others, and can't wait for them to finish. People said I am a great listener but I can see room for improvement, especially in the above areas I have mentioned. After reading your article I will try and improve as I believe you are so right, we should learn to listen in order so show we care. The problem is thought, sometimes the subject you may be discussing can get so excited you can't wait to add to the conversation, you know those kind of ways?
Thank you so much, will definitely put into practice the points you have made next time I am having a conversation. What I would like to add also is that I believe apart from listening, being yourself is also important, as when you are being yourself you are more relaxed and this will be picked up by the person you are having the conversation with, and they in return will feel relaxed with you and hence the conversation will flow naturally. I also believe there is an energy that flows between people when you are in conesation, and if you are both on the same energy wavelength then again the conversation will just flow naturally, and no matter what mistakes you may make it doesn’t matter to the other person, it’s just adds to the fun of the conversation because at that point you both are like one. I believe this is why your mum is so good at socialising, because she is just being herself.
you write such a thoughtful and excellent comment.
Yes, it's easy to get ahead of ourselves.. and this is ok when with close friends, sometimes. However, especially if we want to leave a good impression, better not talk too much about ourselves until asked. It's not a matter of ending your excitement, sometimes we just need to slow down, and if we slip, that's ok too. Don't stress out!
Active listening is awesome... You make a lot of good points here. Paying attention and trying to never interrupt in a one on one convo is key.
I would say that with some of the more specific advice - like opening questions and ways to respond to things.. those are good training wheels, and then as you become more comfortable, you can forget about the "tactics" and focus more on acting naturally.
This post is a great resource for anybody going to steemfest... if everyone actually listens to each other, it will be a great fest.
Some very good tips here.
The one thing I would say is that when you talk about affirming that you are listening with a "uh huh" or whatever, you also need to be looking at the person doing the talking. Not checking out the girl in red over at the bar.
I've seen lots of people who are giving those verbal cues that they are paying attention when they are really just attuned to those pauses that people make and know to insert those proper sounds.
When it all adds up, if you are really paying attention, it shows. It shows in your responses as well as in your body language.
Many of these same points can be used for interacting with people on Steemit. Just change the term Active listening to Active reading. I think if you visit some of our @newsteem posts you can see Active reading displayed in many of the questions we ask our interview subjects which specifically relate to what we have read in our interviewee's blog postings.
Very true what you say
That's a great point mike! I love how you make a completely contextual plug for steemfest in the midst of a high quality response to this article.
Active listening is almost always a great idea, really great written post with good advices on how to do this.
I think you will do great on the fest, I really hope you will have an amazing time!
Brilliant point :)
nice article you have...have a nice day bro..^_^
love it..