I think the hotel isn't at the conference venue...

Oh shit, I must have assumed, didn't even think about that. Yes, traveling from and to with others will definitely be a lot more fun and also helpful, but I heard most things have to be done/are more convenient by river boat, don't see myself jumping on and off boats just yet though :D

I realized that it was impossible for me about a month ago, and have been a bit down about it all since.

I understand. I felt the same a few weeks ago but it was more stress of 'how to do it', and now I laid it all out and it seems too much I also experience some sort of relief that I won't be spending that money. Is that weird? I'll have to either trust that 'something magical' happens and I'm going to get there with less financial strain or I just start saving up for next year.

It will definitely hurt and make me feel down a bit a few more times though.

maybe I could afford it if I powered down 100%

With a 13 week powerdown we wouldn't even make that :')