Big H - The larger-than-life English Bull Terrier and his human, Mike

In the spirit of SteemFest, I am sharing writing from my friends. I hope, in time, those friends will cross over from FB to Steemit and when they do, any reward earned from their guest post WILL be given to them as a 'welcome gift' to help them on their way into the world of Steemit.

This is not my writing, Mike Shaw is a friend in real life as well as on FaceBook and as I’m starting something new today, I asked his permission to use his post.

I met Mike, Jude and Big H a couple of years ago.

Big H Is Gone and the world will never be the same.

Mike’s photography page

Goodbye buddy.

It's early in the morning, I've slept fitfully and decided to get up. My routine this morning is wrong though, there is too much missing.

Yesterday I held Harry as the vet put an injection in his leg, I stroked him and spoke to him as his head slowly fell to the table. I told him I loved him as his breathing slowed and his eyes stopped looking.

I was with him when he went.

I knew in the morning that his time had come but I didn't want to take him to the vets, I was being selfish, I wanted him to stay for me, I wanted him to be here because I would miss so much I knew it would hurt. But I also knew I had to be selfless this time, I knew his time had come and it hurt.

I managed to hold back the tears in the car, I carried him into the vets and still I did not cry.

When they ushered us through to a room I put him down and stroked him. I told him I was sorry for having to bring him here, told him at least I could do this for him unlike us stupid humans that have to die in pain and suffering because we are not allowed to show this level of compassion to each other. I knew Harry wasn't coming home.

The tears came as soon as the vet said what I knew she was going to say, being brave and having a stiff upper lip wasn't the order of the day and I cried like a kid. But I said goodbye, I held him as he went.

This morning I didn't think I could cry anymore, walking into the living room with my coffee I saw his things, his bed with his collar and the Harry smell that lingers in the air told me I could still cry.

I'm sat with my coffee, a normal routine when I could not sleep no longer normal. The space on the sofa now empty and silent. His breathing while asleep no longer a metronome keeping pace with my heartbeat. That time as I used to sit and watch, he not realising I'm there as being profoundly deaf he didn't know until he saw you so he would inevitably sleep on but it was comforting to know he was there.

Being there was something Harry had a talent for, he always seemed to be there when I needed him. After breaking my back in 2014 and being confined to the house for three months, he kinda knew I wasn't right. He still had some of the puppy streak in him at this time before illness robbed him of that he would love to play tug rope or chase the hoover.

When though he saw me in the back brace, he just kinda knew I couldn't do it and took up residence on the sofa next to me. We both sat and watched crap daytime TV, drinking coffee and eating biscuits. To the point this became one of his routines, up in the morning, out in the garden and breakfast then up in the sofa and he would look as if to say what no TV, don't you know Judge Judy might be on?

I've cleaned him, wiped his backside, fed him his food from a spoon, had to drag him from the local park as he wanted to eat all the other dogs. As he got older he did less and less, too many ailments stopping him from being a dog. Bad heart, arthritis and then just to top it off cushings disease that he couldn't be treated for because the effects of the medication were worse than the effects of the disease. So his hobby became eating and sleeping but I was good with that.

Walks became less and less and if you have never owned a bully then you will never know what's it's like, when they decide they are not doing something then it's just not going to happen.

So here I am, the morning after Big H has gone and I miss the old guy so much it hurts me. I never thought I would feel this way about a dog but hey, I do. The response to his passing has been overwhelming, I've had messages from around the world and the response from you all has been in the thousands. It seems Big H had a bigger family than even I knew was possible and for that I'm grateful.
At some point today I'm going to have to pick his stuff up, the bed he has under my desk, no longer there for me to be able to snuggle my feet into for a bit of warmth from his stomach. The bed by the TV, his blankets, his food bowls and his collar. For now they can stay because I need that comfort of knowing he was once there. But I know I will have to put them away, I know I will cry again.

They say it's just a dog. If you feel your dog is just a dog then you are doing it wrong. Big H was in the short time we had him my best buddy, my coffee drinking, biscuit eating, Judge Judy watching best buddy.

Goodbye Big H, I don't think you know just how much I'm going to miss you.

All pictures are Mike's and I have permission to use them

This fits into the TIL category because Today I Learned of Big H's death and it made me sad.

Added by edit: Although I believe this fits in the TIL - Today I Learned - category, I'm not 'allowed' to use it and have been warned against using the tag for 'spamming' purposes.

Until I get the hang of this, it looks like I'll be stepping back on pulling the decent writers into Steemit because god forbid I step on anyone's toes where tagging is concerned. I certainly wouldn't want my reputation to suffer...

FFS - I'll get another tag going then... Fer Fuck's Sake.