Parent-child alienation - when daddy becomes evil

After a divorce, many things change, which usually also affects the relationship to their own child. A particularly painful symptom for all concerned is the parent-child alienation. Unfortunately, fathers too often, as most of the children remain with their mothers.

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Increasingly, this development, in which a child is consciously or unconsciously alienated from a parent, is viewed with concern and sometimes even considered as child maltreatment. Trigger is almost always the rejection of the former partner after a separation by the parent in which the child lives. This translates to the child - with sad consequences.

Parental Alienation Syndrome - the parent-child alienation

When parents split, this is usually associated with strong and negative emotions and too often the children suffer as well. They often take on the feelings of the parent with whom they spend most of their time. This has two factors:

Fearful of losing the remaining parent, the child ties himself closer to him.
In order to solidarize and create a safe environment, the child takes over the feeling of the parent with whom it lives. If it senses that it receives positive attention with this behavior, it is repeated and thus becomes increasingly solidified. The child takes on the feeling as his own.
In particular, the second aspect gradually leads to the non-household parent increasingly being seen as an enemy and being rejected.

How the enemy picture arises

The parent-child alienation, in which a parent - unfortunately most of the father - suddenly mutated from beloved dad to a monster, usually arises through a real indoctrination of the other parent, persistent complaining to the former partner as well as derogatory behavior towards him. This can cause a real brainwashing in the child, which also erases the positive memories. This is all the worse because the child's alienated attitude is not based on their own negative experiences.

Harm to the child's well-being

With the strong rejection of a parent, the child also rejects a part of himself and this has serious consequences for his psyche, confidence in himself and also the general well-being. It is, so to speak, in a permanent identity crisis. This can lead to aggression and depression.

Parent-child alienation is child abuse!

Leading physicians now refer to this phenomenon as child abuse because of the negative consequences for the child. About 10 - 15% of all divorced children are affected, and the number is rising. But there is help. The specialists who deal with this issue are largely in agreement that alienation can be reversed if the alienated parent behaves properly.

What alienated parents can do

A child alienated from a parent is under heavy pressure. This is often compounded by the fact that the absent parent wants to prove to him that his opinion of him is wrong. This behavior usually exacerbates the situation even further. To get back into good contact, the following measures are helpful:

Take your child seriously with his feelings towards you and listen to him without justifying himself or trying to invalidate his reservations with arguments.
Create spaces for your child where they can talk about anything without stress and convey to them that it is perfectly fine to love both parents.
Make sure that you do not start talking poorly about your partner and do not fall for it when your child turns the tables and suddenly applies the same strategy to you. Keep a neutral attitude and do not ally against your partner.
These funds can only be used if there is any contact with the child at all. If the other parent has succeeded in having your child deny contact, you should not give up, but be as present in the child's life as you can.

These can be phone calls, letters or small gifts and attentions. However, you must not press your child.