Here ye, here ye!

We, the Colony of Truthville, mourn the death of @underground. He was a fine agent, but now he is barbeque dinner for the cannibals. This is totally unacceptable. The cannibals will have to be dealt with, and @underground's death will not be for naught. His name will be cherished for all time. A true hero.

It has come to my attention that the singing lumberjack I hired may have been an illegal citizen of the Empire, and he may have been colluding with the cannibals. There are some who even say that his actions may be linked to jeopardizing the security of @underground on his mission, which ultimately caused this unfortunate death. This matter will be investigated. This could be fake news, but I can't take any chances with my closest advisers being so close to me and my family.

Lumberjack, YOU'RE FIRED!

My lumberjack will not be given his pension or food stamps. He will be exiled beyond the borders of our colony immediately, and I will not be aiding any other colonies offering him sanctuary status. One day I will build a great big wall, and it will defend our borders from cannibals, and we will have a great colony.

Until then, we will be cutting taxes, and bring new jobs to our colony next week. One new job opening specifically. That's a 100% increase from zero right now. It will be amazing. There will be no increase to the minimum wage, to keep taxes down. This week, I've decided to hire an Imperial Worker, who is properly vetted, hard working, eats less I hope, and it will be a temporary assignment. This Imperial Worker is going to build a lean-to for my colony, and it will be fantastic. You're gonna love it.

In the meantime, I'm going to bring food back to the colony. We're gonna put food on the table, and it will last us at least until the next budget meeting.

We're also opening trade relations with our neighbors. I'm taking tariffs off the table, so we can trade one-for-one any resource you want. If you want our wood, you can have it for a fair price. In return, we want imports of Chinese food. I've tried it, and it's very good. We'll also settle for fruits, berries, nuts, and acorns, or something just as good, as long as it isn't made from human flesh. We are pro-life, and always will be.

You may now return to your labors. Thank you.

Actions:

• Fire Lumberjack, and Hire a temporary Imperial Worker to Build: Lean-To
• Forage for Food
• Diplomacy: Offering one-to-one trade of up to 5 lumber in exchange for food. Any player.