Secrets of Market Analysis - Reading The Leaves

in #steem8 years ago

My friends!

I have an announcement that may change your lives forever!!

I am proud to say that I have developed the ultimate method of crypto-currency analysis... One that requires no knowledge, skill, or experience!

After what seemed like hours of puttering around on the internet, I discovered the most remarkable, transformative divination technique I have ever encountered. Then, using my finely tuned marketing skill, I expanded and modified the process so that anyone can do it!

This is the best market forecasting technology you will ever experience. Ever!

But before I tell you the secret...

I want to tell you who this method is not for.

It's not for the guys with the fancy charts and complicated jargon.

"A mere glance at a chart is all we need to know what will happen or possibly not happen, depending on how things actually occur."

Nope, you're not ready for this.

"We have this set of Technical Analysis tools at our disposal to narrow down the set of all possible outcomes to a broad spectrum of marginally more likely outcomes."

Good luck with that!

In fact... previous knowledge will only prevent you from executing this method properly! Get rid of it! You don't need it where we're going!

So there I was...

I boldly set out to find the Holy Grail of market divination. There had to be a better way to accurately forecast the future price of an asset that didn't involve mundane trivialities like examining previous market activity and existing market orders while trying to put them into context.

I needed to go straight to the source.

Over the years, I've learned some of the secrets to uncovering hidden knowledge.

A trustworthy source of eternal wisdom and knowledge will frequently:

  • Be pretty old... like, before the internet old.
  • Be foreign.
  • Sound totally absurd.

My epic search took me to nearly half a dozen web pages of dramatically varying quality. Almost by accident, I happened upon a technique of unquestionable validity. By mastering this obscure field of knowledge, I could adapt the techniques perfectly to crypto-currency market analysis and forecasting.

Reading The Tea

I knew as soon as I discovered tasseography, that my life was about to change forever! The media, government, and a minimal baseline level of education and common sense, have suppressed knowledge of this exquisite divination methodology.

Tea leaf reading is an ancient practice interpreting patterns made by tea leaves in the cup. In addition to the reading of tea leaves, the tradition of tasseography includes the reading of coffee grounds and wine sediments. (tasseography.com)

You might want to read that again to make sure you aren't missing anything... Just fight the urge, because you aren't.

This is powerful stuff, folks.

As you can see, this is much more a science than an art. There is almost no room for human error.

The tea falls to the bottom of the cup as the universe intended, with the intention of communicating to you. Symbolic communication is a fascinating subject and I could look up the names of some books on the topic. That's not the point.

The point is that the symbols unambiguously refer to specific people, places, and events without the need for human interpretation. It's so obvious what the symbols mean, you simply can't get it wrong.

Improving on the mystical ancient wisdom

I know some of you might be skeptical that you can pull this off. So I wanted to modify it so that even imbeciles can succeed. I preserved the essence of the method in its purest form, while changing it enough to claim proprietary ownership of my system as intellectual property. And in doing so, I reinvisioned it as something you can do from home with common household products!

All you need is:

  • Some marijuana
  • That's pretty much it.

Let's get into the nitty gritty:

Step 1

Very casually dump some marijuana on a table or magazine... It doesn't really matter. I've chosen a pad of scratch paper. Don't even think about what you're doing. Just let the pot and the table and gravity do the work.

Step 2

Identify the symbols that can be found in the pile of herb.

There Is No Step 3!

That's all you need to know, right there.

That's all, folks!

Sort:  

That is hilarious! I am going right now with my handy list of symbols and meanings you have supplied to tear me up a tea bag and get reading!

Did you steal this secret from Tommy Chong? :)

I should have. That would have saved time!

So, the STEEM price will be going up? Or might it also go down?

The leaf has spoken.

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