"Sportsnews" - weekly update from the most reliable online source.

Ah yes, sports. Who doesn't like a good football match, or follow an intense sumo brawl from time to time. That is where i kick in! I will be coming to you with fresh news from the world of sports weekly! From cycling in France to ping pong clashes in China, from surfing down under to hockey in Canada and mud wrestling in Finnland.

Sportsnews update ( 19.July – 26.July):

Let's kick it off with some football! As the old saying goes, Football is a game of 11 vs. 11 players, where in the end Germany wins! In mother Russia, the fellas are kicking it off in the Confederations cup, where Germany is proving that saying to be true (also, never forget 7 -2). The World champs proved the role of the favorites, winning all three games in the group stage »drei zu null«.
Portugal and its biggest star Cristiano Ronaldo is also competing in this cup, and when asked how his team is performing so far, the Portuguese star replied: »I don't know, but i scored goals. I like scoring goals. Maybe we win, maybe we don't, i don't know, most important thing is me scoring goals.« He apparently also loves turtles, to which he admitted after the interview.

In Argentina, there was a Lionell Messi lookalike competition, 430 people registered, but none other than Lionel Messi himself won (the rules did not state he himself cannot enter). The prize for winning was 1200 argentinian euros, which Messi immediately transfered to the Cayman islands, stating: "Taxes are for fools!"

That is it from the most popular sport on Earth..

We cannot look pass the thrilling spectacles from the world of cycling.
In Switzerland, some guys were pedalling really really hard. The guy who was pedalling the hardest won. After his win he said: »I saw some guys pedalling really hard, and i decided it was time for me to pedal even harder, i really pedalled hard last 200 meters and i won.« Breathtaking!

In Finnland, there was a regional mud-wresling championship. The conditoins were harsh, mud was thick and sun was scorching, and the winner later admitted to doping, drinking 2,34l of vodka, as opposed to the allowed limit of only 1l. The winner, Jarno Finskaaleiaäioainenenaskinen was short and to the point in his interview: »Missä minä olen?«
It was really a spinetingling competition.

In tennis, the grass courts are in full swing, all the tennis stars doing their last preparations for Wimbledon.
In Halle, Germany, the old man, the legend, the master, Roger Federer had a late Sunday brunch, and the main course was Alexander Zverev of Russia, mhm, Germany. When asked how his brunck tasted he replied: »I thought he'd be chewier and tougher to swallow, after all, he is from the Motherland, mhm, Germany.«

In Balkans, there is a sport which is little known to the outside world. It is the annual grudgeholding competition. The nation to hold their grudge the longest, wins. No nation is willing to let up even a little bit. It is going to be a tough competition. The experts are speculating the competition might last as long as 2112. We will keep You updated every step of the competition!

In Mexico, the national sport, The Obstacle high jump is evolving… Since they've gotten so good at it, their biggest rival, the U.S.A. decided to up the stakes, building an even bigger obstacle for them to try and jump over.

Let as not forget about the »land down unda«, Austria. The annual, sauerkraut eating contest is underway, with finals approaching this Sunday. The competitors were asked how this years kraut is sauer? Majority of the contestants replied: »Sehr.«

In Thailand, there was the national penis measuring contest, with a girl winning fort he 3rd year in a row. In an interview, the winner stated that it was about time the men domination in this sport ended.

In France, the 345th edition of Baguette-fighting was held, with all of the 1177 participants forfeiting in the first round. A local shop owner, mr. Surr Ender, who speicializes in selling white flags, saw his profits soar when all of the competitors wanted at least one flag. The crowd, pleased with the result gave a standing ovation for 10 minutes while shouting »Omelette du Fromage«.

In New Zealand, a sheep herding national qualifiers were completed, with the winner herding 450 sheep. Quote from the winner: »I do not know what i did, but apparently i did it good. I was not even aware there was a competition.« Second placed contender was asked if he is happy with his result, to which he replied: »Me-e-e-e-h.« Spot on!

Well, that's it from the world of "sports", join us next time, where we will be doing a list of the weirdest sports competitions around the globe.

Some of the facts in this report may or may not be true

Let us know in the comments which sports discipline You guys want us to cover, and by US i mean my lonely ass in my tiny basment.