To Forgive or to Accept - What is the Difference?

There is so much programming around forgiving and this is and has caused so many people much inner turmoil, myself included, that I wrote a blog article that you can read on this blog called 'Am I a Bad Person if I Can't Forgive Someone?'

You may find it enlightening to read that article first, if you haven't already, to know why I believe that forgiving is the wrong message for really evil acts.

When someone is feeling shock, disbelief, trauma and huge upset from a very disturbing event that has happened and affected them, or people close to them that they love and care about, then what those people most need is love, compassion, empathy, support and powerful energy releasing to get rid of the hurt, trauma and upset that can keep people stuck in a vicious cycle of victim, feeling low despair and hopelessness.

Many people who have suffered a very nasty experience have recurring images of the event. These images can happen during the day, by walking out and about and seeing the silhouette of someone, anything that triggers a memory. Life can become a draining event of one bad memory after another, affecting both physical, emotional and mental health of the person, wearing them down into lower and lower vibrations. 

Night time and sleep, which is meant to be a time of healing and rejuvenation is even worse with these victims waking up many times in the night in hot sweats, amidst horrid nightmares and reliving the horrific event.

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All of that is just one tiny aspect of what that person is living through, silently in their head. Added to that is all the interaction from other people, feeling other people's sadness, feeling somehow it was your fault or you could have done something to stop the event. Wishing someone you love hadn't had that event happen to them and wishing it had happened to you instead them. Having to carry on with your life, living in fear of another event happening or some other trauma happening to you.

When someone has all this and so much more going on, what they really need is so much love, support, compassion and help to get rid of these bad memories, nightmares and feelings of blame, guilt, helplessness and fear. What they don't need to hear is 'forgive the person or people who did this to you'.  This really is like a slap in the face to someone so desperately asking for help. 

If we are kind, caring, loving people then we need to place that person's well being before any beliefs we have, we need to help heal this person so they feel strong and empowered.

The way forward to healing is acceptance. 

Acceptance is knowing that we cannot change the past, we cannot undo the wrong and evil that has been done, but at the same time knowing that we can take empowered Divine action to change your future and to stop this event from ruining your life.

Acceptance vs Forgiveness

Forgiveness can bring up huge issues of the perpetrator being let off the hook. It is making the victim feel like they have to say they are ok with what happened to heal.

Acceptance is saying this happened and we cannot go back in time to 'un-happen' it. We cannot change the past. However we can change our present and future and choose to not let this event ruin our happiness and peace. Acceptance is coming to a point where we accept that our future and happiness is what is most important to us.

With acceptance it is about the person choosing healing paths for them, it has nothing to do with the perpetrator, they are out of the picture in the past.

With forgiveness it is dragging up the past AGAIN and AGAIN when the victim does NOT want to do this!

When a person feels their healing is about them and not any connection or interaction with anyone else then they can feel empowered. All the time someone is saying their healing is connected to the perpetrator they are still a victim!

Feeling of being empowered and in control of your healing allows true healing takes place. 

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We all can choose how we react in each moment. We can all choose compassion and kindness or to blindly copy and repeat without any discernment, thought or feeling of the real affect this is going to have on others.

With help we can release and let go of all the trauma, hurt, upset, blame, despair and helplessness that are keeping us stuck in low vibrations and stopping us feeling empowered.

The way to heal is through acceptance, releasing the trauma and filling with love

With acceptance we can allow healing of our emotions. Once  healed we can move forwards into empowerment. When empowered we are connected to Divine Energy, We feel strong, in alignment & willing to stand up & speak Divine Truth for the good of all.

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© Copyright Michelle Carter