Saying Goodbye: A Heroic Dose (P2)
When psilocybin convinces you that you’re dying there is not one iota of doubt left, it does not partially convince you, it entirely convinces you and then you just go through it.
– Terence McKenna
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The following is part II of my heroic dose story. A few years back I had taken approximately 7 grams of psilocybin and had a profound spiritual experience that I believe was the most influential moment of my life thus far.
If you are interested in part I click this link
We continued to walk outside in the glittering snow. The psilocybin gave me a hyper awareness that allowed me to concentrate my focus in a way that I had never experienced before. My over dilated pupils allowed my retinas to absorb copious amounts of light. My vision was clear and crisp as if the objects that surrounded me were laser cut.
High definition precision.
Individual light particles reflected off each grain of snow and collided with my visual perception like a billion sparkling diamonds.
Laughing in amazement at the beauty of our surroundings all we could say was
"It’s so vivid"
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Suddenly I experienced a shift. I became overwhelmed in the awe of the moment. I felt an intense sense of oneness. I could no longer separate myself from the world around me. We were all one.
In this moment I not only felt connected to God but I felt as though I understood what god was. It was everything. It was the energy and the matter that made up the entire universe. It was the world and it was me. It was everything.
The feeling almost made me cry. All my life I had been searching for something that always seemed to be beyond my reach and beyond my comprehension. But here it was. A feeling that was hiding inside of me all this time. A feeling that surrounding me my entire life.
Hidden in plain sight.
In that moment I had a sudden feeling that I was going to die tonight. I had seen what I needed to see on this earth and now there was nothing left for me to look for. I wasn’t scared or troubled by the idea. There was no point in missing my friends or my family because I knew that deep down we are all one. I could not truly ever be separated from them because we all existed in the experience of god.
At this moment I turned to my friends and told them not to be alarmed or afraid at what I was about to tell them. I told them that I was certain that I was going to die tonight but that I was prepared to leave and ok with it, so there was no need for them to be afraid for me or saddened by my loss. I told them that I enjoyed our time together and my time on this earth.
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There was silence for a second or two. Then one of my friends quickly spoke.
"Too deep man. No more talk like that"
And that was the end of the conversation. We kept walking and talking about other things and slowly my feeling of oneness faded, along with my belief that I was going to die.
The experience was the most influential experience of my life. Though I sometimes forget what it felt like in that moment, it nonetheless has changed my life. It has left me with the belief that god exists in everything, that we are all one, and that there is no need to fear death.
Really great trip report! I've also been writing about psilocybin, my experiences, and how they've helped me cope with combat/family-related PTSD and depression, precisely for the profound experience you've typed out, quite well, I must say! (My site http://matthewghayes.com/category/blog/mushroom-diaries/) I haven't fully migrated to Steemit quite yet, but am working on it! It's time to change the narrative of psychedelics and elevate them from the basement of juvenile thinking. As a combat vet, I want to teach, show others, not just combat vets, that there are alternatives, there is relief, and it grows in nature! As much as possible, I'll be weaving the published science of it all while weaving into the context of my experiences. I'm currently microdosing with psilocybin, and will have a full write-up of the experience in the coming month, when I finish the protocol. It's been life changing to say the least. Looking forward to more from you.
thanks for sharing that. I have heard that psilocybin and other natural hallucinogenics can help with PTSD and other mental health conditions/responses, but its nice to hear about it from a direct source. Its great that you are using your experience to help others as well - thats really great. Generally speaking, talking about psychedelics (and their associated experiences) openly, reduces the stigma surrounding them, like you suggested. Keep spreading the good news/vibes :)
you are awesome for sharing your experience. your friend was lame af, after I read that quote I got mad at ur friend lol.
lol thanks for the support. I think it was ok that he said that. It was better not to dwell on the thought. We moved on and everything was fine. The conversation could have taken a turn for the worse if everyone else started to worry about me or think that they were going to die haha so It was probably for the best. But thanks all the same :)
My first time happened at 23, and I definitely wasn’t prepared for the lessons she had planned for me. I was sitting in the window of my kitchen when I thought it’d be a good idea to take a hit of cannabis...wrong idea. I closed the window, and stared in horror as my arms seemed to have stretched. From my perception then, my hands remained up high up in the window frame, and me—“I” was on the floor. Except I was dead, lol. I was absolutely convinced I had crossed over. I somehow made my way to the couch where my partner was sitting, and I was just declaring in the flattest tone—probably to stay calm—“I’m dead. I think I’m now dead. I’m talking to you from the other side. There’s nooo way I’m alive.”
I have no idea how much longer it was before I got over the anxiety, and then I plopped myself atop my bed the rest of the night, my sheets looking like a lunar plane. It was incredible. I’m so happy another @sndbox member is 1) a psychonaut, and 2) is writing about it!
That sounds like an incredible experience that you had. I'm surprised that cannabis would do that, especially if you only took one hit. Everyone reacts differently though.
So was that one experience enough for you, did you ever try it again?
For me, cannabis accelerates psilocybin in particular with strength, but also LSD. The difference is that with the latter I feel that I’ve learned to “drive” the experience. I do both here and there still, but psilocybin very rarely bc I need to be pitch perfect in set and setting. She’s a teacher and always in control, as far as I’m concerned lol.
If you look at my blog and some of these artwork I’ve uploaded, you can see the way these substances have impacted me haha. It’s also in my writing, but to a lesser extent. Really enjoying your stuff!
I started following you. So I'll check out your blog for sure.
Ok that makes sense to me. In your first comment, I didn't realize that you meant that you took cannabis while on psilocybin. Now I understand. I agree, cannabis intensifies the effects of the mushroom.
I have a similar view, that these substances are teachers. For me they are very spiritual experiences. I always learn a lot - about myself, the world, life...etc.
Last comment, hit me up on slack sometime if you wanna go in-depth off the blockchain. My handle is the same there.
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Great. Thank you!!
Now i'm wishing canned mushrooms can give this same experience too. Lol. Im getting psilocybin immediately I can lay my hands on it.
As I'm sure you know, I'm not recommending anyone to do them, I'm just sharing my experience. Safety is important of course. Have you done them before? I can't remember from all of our conversations. Its not a bad idea to start off with lower quantities like 2 grams and to have a "babysitter" present who has a good vibe and mindset. I'm sure you know all of this already. If you do end up doing them. Let me know how it goes.
sort of!
If you get the chance to go for a heroic dose go for it.
Mushrooms are cool, and you cannot physically eat the quantity required for an LD-50 dose.
(works out to like your body weight in mushrooms)
The more the merrier.
Disclaimer, I am referring to fresh mushrooms, or self prepared dried ones, not any sort of product.
I have some that I dried and stored in honey, and then the honey in the fridge, but I think the last lot I tried had lost potency.
I still have one jar which has not been opened, so I have my hopes for it
One of these days soon I will try again.
Sorry I have been missing your blog mate.
hmm. thats interesting. I didn't know you could store them like that (in honey). I haven't actually done them in quite some time either. Years.
Maybe one day I will try them again as well.
Good to have you back!
Have you read "Food of the Gods" by Terrence McKenna?
He theorises that we developed a taste for alcohol from honey that fermented with mushrooms that weren't completely dried first.
He bases that on the idea that it was the main storage method, in his theory, as honey is a natural preservative.
as is sugar, that's why we make all those super sweet preserves and similar things.
Keep fruit long time.
full metal jacket
I actually haven't read anything by McKenna but I've listened to some of his audio recordings and listened to him on a radio station a long time ago. He is very interesting - his entire outlook on life and hallucinogens.
The honey things makes sense when you explain it like that
yes, I think he was really onto it, with his stoned apes theory.
Food of the gods, gives us the idea that we actually evolved to use drugs, through drugs.
I think so personally
And we do seem to be approaching infinite novelty, which was the crux of his timewave-zero theory.
All in all a fascinating guy.
The psychedelic saloon has a heap of his talks, literally hundreds of hours, and really enjoyable, as you would have found.
Another note, did you know that Jim Carrey has been making a movie about his life, based on "the brotherhood of the screaming abyss" by Dennis McKenna.
Can't wait to see what they do with that one
My own experiences with ayahuasca were very strange and subtle, nothing like what I expected.
I will definitely have to pick up the book. I will add it to my reading list. I have been meaning to get a book written by Mckenna for some time now.
I have not heard of the Jim Carrey movie either but it sounds like something that I would be into. I will keep an eye out for it.
No, I haven't. Just the LSA. but I plan to try mushrooms once I can, I will definitely post it here.
such an admirable experience
Thank you
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