in #speaking2 years ago


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so agreeable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to agree with others instead of saying what it is that I see.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to agree to the point of not even being HERE within and as the moment and thus the conversation at hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be in control whatsoever or in total control and direction of myself as I want to be, through being so agreeable with others instead of adding substance by speaking what I want to say and how I see things.

I forgive myself thus that I have accepted and allowed myself to just prolong a conversation and moreso be a bystander, instead of getting into where I am sharing equally and in response with my own take and perspective and suggestion.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to add something cool, different, or at least SOMETHING to a conversation/situation to make it more alive, make it expand more, make it something more than it is when I am just agreeable and just listening and speaking as wanting the conversation to end and/or to move onto a different topic. I commit myself to add to each and EVERY topic, because there are in fact none where I can’t speak and say something that I want to say, but just are not saying because I fear a conflict or being different or judging my own perspective or ideas or thoughts as this or that and so keep them locked away within me where none get to hear and also I don’t get to hear, but this I see, realise and understand is a stagnant point where I just stay comfortable and motionless instead of creating motion and ripples in others and myself and the world as a whole in whatever it is I am doing, anywhere.

I see, realise and understand that if a conversation is not going anywhere and is stopping and starting and not flowing, that tells me that I am not doing enough and I am also not ‘there’ in the moment and I’m instead fearing a conflict or judging my own thoughts, perspectives, ideas, instead of just speaking them in the moment as what is best for all, even if it MAY not go down too well, I see that the point is to actually open up and speak them, to put them OUT THERE in the world, in society, because otherwise they just stay hidden, silent, where I don’t even give any an opportunity to at LEAST LISTEN, HEAR, not taking into consideration what more could potentially happen too.

I commit myself to speak this, say that, do this, do that, where I am no longer judging my own ideas, thoughts, perspectives as too out there, too crazy, too weird, too this, too that, and instead am not judging them and instead EMBRACING them and embracing the differences, the changes, the support, the assistance, the potential.