RE: Sndbox Summer Camp Writing - Task 2
Well done! The way this is written captures the reader's attention in a good way and the descriptions are rather lively, which is rather hard to do correctly.
I also like that you added some images here and there, that makes it easier to read (although I generally discourage people from writing stories significantly longer than 1k words, as Steemians are very lazy and rarely read past that).
Some advice:
I noticed that you sometimes jump between times (mostly past, but some sentences are in the present). That happens fast, I do it too sometimes, but if you pay special attention to it, it should be easy to avoid :)
For better readability, it helps to make a new paragraph each time a new person speaks. For example:
"She looks so much older. Her hair is a different color. Are you sure this is her?"
"Yes, we are. There was a DNA sample in her missing person's file, and it is a match. Lily has not been able to have a shower; she has only been wiped off. She has been unconscious since; we left the scene. The doctors have to reintroduce food slowly, and she has many infections from her living conditions. The doctors are keeping her in a medically induced coma to let her body heal."
"When will she wake up?"
"The doctors don't know at this point; hopefully not too much longer."
instead of
"She looks so much older. Her hair is a different color. Are you sure this is her?" Yes, we are. There was a DNA sample in her missing person's file, and it is a match. Lily has not been able to have a shower; she has only been wiped off. She has been unconscious since; we left the scene. The doctors have to reintroduce food slowly, and she has many infections from her living conditions. The doctors are keeping her in a medically induced coma to let her body heal." "When will she wake up?" "The doctors don't know at this point; hopefully not too much longer."
This makes it a lot easier for the reader to distinguish between different speakers, especially with longer stories.
But all in all, good post! Keep writing :)
Thank you so much for your feedback!!!! :) You made my day. I love your suggestion on the paragraphs. That's how I learned in high school, but I notice when I reread it, it is hard to read through and know who is talking. I will use your way in the future :)
I am also trying to learn the 1000 words or less for steemit. I have never written a story with that amount of words. I haven't determined how to write my way and be able to break them up into 1000 word parts, to where they have a cliffhanger to bring you back.
This was difficult for me because I wanted to expand so much on each character and do so much more with the story, but I was worried about the word count. I'm planning on going back and making chapters, writing it to the length I wanted it. It will give me practice on how to break it up into, 1000 word or fewer sections, as well.
That is why I am pleased with this opportunity to grow and learn. It will be a significant advancement to my writing skills to the point others can enjoy them as I do.