The Reason Behind My Smile

I have had quite a difficult life when I was in college. It was all because of the choices I made but I blame no one for such hardships. Others call it misfortune, but to me, it was a blessing, and the greatest lesson I have learned thus far.

Freedom of choice ~ this is a privilege most of us enjoy. But it’s also with this freedom that many of us fail to make the right choices.

Mistake ~ we’ve all had a taste of its consequences, but it’s also through it that we learn, grow, and become better people.

You might be wondering why I am talking about mistakes and bad choices when this is supposed to be an entry for the Project S.M.I.L.E. Contest? Well, because back then I thought my whole world has crumbled down when I got pregnant at the age of 18!

18, that was how young I was when I had to take the responsibility of being a mother. I had a husband -- a loving and a supportive one. But that wasn’t the problem. It was the pain and the disappointment that I have caused my parents that crushed my heart.

When I was in the delivery room, I felt coexisting periods of pride and excitement, but also unimaginable fear. The newness and unfamiliarity of the experience made everything so exciting, but it was also a moment of great uncertainty.

But, when I saw my baby for the first time, all the tears turned into smiles, the pain turned into comfort and the fear into a cheer. I have found solace when I held him in my arms.

Motherhood expanded my perception about love. It opened a part of my heart that I never knew existed. It allowed me to love unconditionally, no matter how difficult the situation maybe. And most of the time, I have feelings of inadequacy because of the learning curve that came with it.

Because of my pregnancy, I had to stop schooling for a year. Although frustrated and disappointed of what happened to me, my mom still supported me. But to me, having to let her carry the burden of my mistakes was obnoxious. And though I knew it would be very difficult, I chose not to accept financial help from her and worked my way up.

I transferred to another school and applied for a job. My first job in Davao was a service crew (cashier) at Jollibee, for only two weeks. A better opportunity came when I was invited by a friend to apply at Apo View Hotel as a telemarketer. I was hired and stayed for a year. Then came BPO in Davao, so I applied as a technical support representative (call center) and was accepted. I’ve been in that industry for two and a half years, until I graduated from college!

Thinking about it now, I didn’t know how I was able to survive studying and working at the same time, with only four hours of sleep or less every day. A lot of times I wanted to quit. I was too tired, too stressed. I was even diagnosed with rheumatic fever, a condition that put me under a five-year medication period of antibiotics. A lot of people have asked me how I was able to go on. But the answer was simple; it was always because of my son!

My son ~ the source of my joy and strength. He was always the reason why I persevere in life. And although I was not able to enjoy my youth, and pursued my dream which is to become an engineer, I didn’t mind. Because to me, being a mother was way better. I am fulfilled, I am happy.

My son @jameralim11 is now eleven years old, and at his young age, he was able to accomplish so many things! He is a loving, caring, and responsible son. He never failed to amaze me with his brilliance.

He is a Math quizzer – and have won 3 gold medals, 5 silver medals, and 3 bronze medals in several Math quiz bees so far.

He is also a campus journalist. He started joining writing competitions when he was in 4th grade. He always wins, fortunately! :D And just last November he was hailed as the Regional CHAMPION in the Regional Schools Press Conference. He and I will be going to Dumaguete City next week to compete for the National level! Wish us the best of luck!

He is not just into academics, he is also into sports! He is a basketball player at his school. And their team has proven their strength when they emerged as winners during the semi-finals of the JS Cup.

Because I was young and naïve when I became a mother, I wasn’t able to handle the challenges in my marriage. But those were things in the past, and right now, his father and I are good friends. We also see each other as a family, once in a while.

No matter how hard it is, I will always do everything for my son. He is the love of my life and my happiness, the reason behind my smile.