Showcase April - Thoughts from a bench | Ridin' Solo doesn't mean being lonely
Oh right, if you are new to my posts, a DMC is a Deep Meaningful Conversation. You know, one of those we don't really have anymore, wether it is because we are always in a hurry, or maybe because we don't care about connecting with other people, or perhaps we are not brave enough to open ourselves to other people and show our true self, without barriers, walls or prejudice.
Back on the topic. I don't really have DMC's anymore because for the past two years I've been on the move, not staying in a place for more than a few weeks - if I'm lucky, some other times I just spend a few days per place.
Moving from place to place so much and so frequently has its perks. Actually, it has more perks or pros than cons. Of course, this is all coming from a nomad mindset person, if the author of this post was a housewife or a student, then I'm pretty sure this statement would be far from their reality.
It's funny how reality depends on the beholder. There is only one reality - unless you believe in the multiverse theory, but that's too off topic, I'll write about that on another post - but, this reality's outcome varies depending on who's living it. Again, that's off topic, the point is, the perks of moving so much and very frequently.
This Finnish girl was young, full of energy and with a lot to learn from life. In a way, I saw myself in her while having our conversation. Dreading being alone, fearing feeling left out, worrying too much about things that aren't worth her stress; at the same time, her energy, way of looking at life and search of adventure made our conversation a very interesting one.
In the end, after that conversation and meditating about it, I realized I've been alone for a little more than two years. I mean alone as in, haven't had any meaningful romantic relationship - apart from a few flash-like flings that, while intense, too short to be taken like more than that, flashes - or IRL friendships/relationships. Now, before you say anything, of course you are my friends, Steemians. But our online relationship can't possibly substitute direct contact and physical interaction, even if we've been chatting and getting to know each other for more than a year now. I appreciate, value and cherish our friendship, but as I told the Finnish girl, human beings crave P2P engagement, feeling part of a group and having a sense of belonging. While the online world provides all of this, the physical version of these interactions will always kick the online's ass.
Having said that, I don't feel lonely.
Despite being alone for the past years, and after a few struggles - maybe more than a few -, I learned how to be by myself, or should I say with myself? I became my best friend, I found the key to enjoy Ridin' Solo and to not depend on anyone else/anything else rather than Eric. I doesn't really matter if I'm surrounded by people in a hostel or if I'm all alone in a beach, as long as I'm with myself, I don't really feel lonely.
I learned how to get the most out of any DMC that may happen, without trying to force them, without searching for the connection or bond with any random people. After all, these conversations happen when there is sinchronicity and chemistry between those having it, and you can't force them no matter how much you want it. These conversations are food for my soul. They can happen three times a week with different people or they can happen once every month, it all depends on the energy surrounding me and the people around me.
You see, once you realize you need to be able to be alone and not feel lonely, in order to be able to give yourself completely to the other person, being by yourself is the best thing that can happen to you. Because being with someone becomes a choice and not a necessity. Sharing your time and love is a matter of decision and not of fear of being alone. You don't need to surround yourself with people you don't want, just to not feel lonely. You value your [insert your name here] time. Eric time becomes one of the things you value more in life, and you won't share that time only with people you want to.
I still have a lot to learn and I'm not saying I hold the key against loneliness, and there may be more than one way to achieve it (can it be achieved?, or is it a state of mind? I'm not sure).
All I can say is, learn to love your Eric time - or Michael, Sarah or Pedro time. Once you find out the best company you can have is yourself, lonely times are past you :)
This post was originally posted in February 2019 and it's part of my initiative called showcase April, where I'll post the best content I've done over the past three years.
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This is a lovely post and I totally agree with you.
Personally I think one has to experience both loneliness and active physical friendship to be able to understand and appreciate life more as this would make a person decide what part is best for himself/herself.
Loneliness could lead to depression if the reasons leading to that point are unhealthy, but like you said it's important for a person to understand that it's more of a matter of decision than of necessity.
If I decide to be lonely, I know its best for me and that would help me grow in my personal life. However this can change at any time.
I also believe that we should learn to respect other people's decisions. In other words, if a person chooses to be alone, rather than get angry at the person, we should be understanding and respect such persons' decisions.
let's get the fuck out of here and go to hive