Little Cherine Book 04 - BPost020
“I have to go now Robert.”When his hand touched my skirt and flipped it down to cover me again, I let out my breath.
“I’m glad you came Cherine. It can get monotonous sitting here by myself.”
2291
He closed the door behind me and I went to the corner and waited there, feeling him. I could not believe what was happening. He had become very angry with himself, slightly disgusted, but also he was afraid of me!! As if he could sense me he came back to the door and opening it came out and stood there a minute. When he closed the door I felt he regretted what had happened and was determined not to let it happen again. That felt like a challenge and I went upstairs grinning to myself.
As I lay on my bed, I had a strange thought. I don’t usually notice the smells of the homes of people we visit, but because his flat is quite small and he keeps the windows closed, it has acquired a scent that I think must be what his body smells like, maybe only a little bit more stale. I like the smell!
I did not like having to worry about Maria. For the last year I had learnt to be independent and having to listen to her was not my idea of fun. Once she thinks she can get bossy with me, she will also interfere with my visiting Robert. By the time my mother came home I’d decided what to do. I saw she was tired and felt she wanted a hot bath to relax. I went in with her and sitting on the toilet chattered away. As she relaxed, I decided it is time.
“Mummy, can you tell Maria that I am allowed to go downstairs by myself to play on the lawn at the back?”
She lifted her head, her expression not hiding her annoyance with me. “Cher, you didn’t go and annoy the man who lives there? You were told to stay away.”
“I was curious mum. He came out and said I can play there. His name is Robert.”
“You met him!?”
“Yes.”
“Cher, whatever am I going to do with you! I can’t stay here to watch over you, I have to work. Why won’t you ever listen!”
“But he said he doesn’t mind! I hate sitting inside all day. Please talk to him mummy, he’ll tell you he said it is okay.”
“I better meet him, to apologise if nothing else. Cherine, you will not go back there again.”
I’d liked him and thought maybe she would really like him and change her mind so I happily pushed for her to go and meet him. She made me come with so as to apologise for bothering him.
“Good evening. My daughter told me that she trespassed today and…”
“Hi, I’m Robert, please do come in. Yes, I met Cherine today.” He showed us to the couch. We sat down and my mother tried again.
“I’m Marian. Cherine has come to apologise for …”
“There is no need for her to apologise. Didn’t she tell you I gave her permission to play on the lawn? Marian, could I get you a glass of wine, coffee or a cool drink. I’m sorry, but I don’t stock any hard liquor or tea, as I never drink the stuff myself.”
“An Englishman who does not drink tea?” Hoy! My mother was trying to be charming, giving him her best smile.
He also offered her a smile. “I’ve gone native in some ways. The one thing I can’t learn though is how to drive like the Greeks do.” He was trying to be nice, but I felt he is afraid of her, afraid of her liking him! He wanted her to leave! I also felt that mixed with that was his wanting me to stay. I was like struck with wonder; this grown up man was being nice to my mum because he wants her to allow me to visit him!!!
I kept an ‘ear’ on their emotions rather than their words and looked around at his flat, now able to examine it. I saw that the only pictures he had were one photo of a girl and many drawings of her. It was not difficult to see from his drawings that he loves this girl very much. I wondered if she is the reason he is hurting. Could he have killed her? I could not feel anything bad in him, so if he did kill her, it must have been an accident.
2292
They were drinking wine and he said something about it being better I play on the lawn than on the pavement and that he never uses it as he works on his computer all day. I knew that is a lie, he had already told me he mostly works at night. Thinking he would not notice I looked at a picture a little more closely. He noticed and his emotions became bleak and cold again. I was just in time to see his face before he controlled himself and carried on talking to my mother with a smile.
I was sorry I’d made him feel bad and since my mother was facing away from me I slid down till I was sprawling and opened my legs so as to make him feel nice and warm inside again.
I felt that he reacted, but it was immediately followed by a hardness and coldness. My mother noticed this time and decided he was being that way to show her he is not interested in her. She turned cold and I knew that now she dislikes him intensely.
I could have cried. I had used my curse and now I will have to pay for it again. I hated this thing I have that stops me from being normal like everyone else. My mother must have felt something, she turned and looked at me.
“I’m sorry Robert, Cher is tired, she needs to go to sleep. Since you say it does not bother you she may come to play on your lawn, but she is not allowed to bother you at all. Cherine, is that clear!?”
“Yes mummy. I promise I won’t bother him.”
“If I hear you made any noise or knocked on his door for anything, you will spend your days up in the flat.”
“Yes mummy.”
As we left he stood at the door watching us and I wanted to show him I’d only agreed with my mummy to keep her happy and looking back at him, I gave a little grin and wiggled my fingers behind my back. I felt him almost soften, but something else was going on inside him now, it was as if he was fighting with himself. My last glimpse of him was of a bleak look in his eyes.
The next morning I sensed he was awake by about ten and sitting brooding, so I rushed down to him. I knocked on his door. He waited a moment and then opened it.
“Good morning Cherine. You don’t have to let me know you are here. Just play on the lawn whenever you want. I’ve got lots of work to catch up with, so I’ll see you one of these days. Bye.”
The door closed before I quite knew what had happened. I stood there feeling the rejection without understanding why. He did not even know I am a freak and he already does not like me anymore. Suddenly I felt a deep despair and the face of my father crossed my mind. I ran all the way up to our flat, passed Maria and slamming my door shut I lay on my bed and wept with sobs that tore at me.
For the next two days I either stayed in my bedroom all day or sat watching telly without noticing what it showed. I could not understand Greek anyway, but I did not care.
The second night I was asleep when something woke me up. It was Robert. I felt sick as I realised he was having sex or masturbating. I knew soon enough that he was alone, I’d felt too many neighbours masturbating not to recognise what was happening. I felt disgusted by the realisation that he is the same as all the other men.
Then something strange happened. I realised that he was imagining me, imagining himself touching me all over. I sensed the revulsion he felt at what he was imagining, but also that he was helpless to stop himself. Suddenly it was as if something inside me had switched to the opposite of how I had been feeling and what he was thinking-feeling made me feel all tingly and I felt powerful!!! I imagined him actually doing that, his big hands touching me and the tingly feeling became stronger. Afraid I stopped myself. He had been back at his computer working for a long time, trying to make himself forget what he had done, before I managed to fall asleep again.
The next morning I went and sat on his lawn and pretended to play with my dolls. I wanted to see if seeing me would make him want to be friends again. By afternoon I felt like crying. He had seen me and ignored me. It was very boring pretending to play with dolls; I’ve never really enjoyed playing with them. I stood up and stared at his window for a moment and then went back home. I cried again, but I also knew that I was determined to make him talk to me.
2293
The next morning I went down again, but saw he had closed the wooden shutters of his windows. He had kept the line taut so that the wooden slats did not sink into each other, leaving a thin line he could see out of and for light to enter his flat, but I could not see inside. I sat there, still determined but depressed. Hours later the door opened.
“Don’t you have any friends? You can bring them here to play with you.”
“I don’t know anybody in Greece.”
“Did you have lots of friends back home?”
“No.”
“Just a few?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
I stared up at him without answering. What could I tell him? That I am a freak? Then he would also hate me.
Without me deciding it, something inside me driving me so that I am honest with him, I heard my voice saying softly, “Because I’m a freak.”
“What!? What did you say?”
“Nothing.” Whatever had made me say it, I’d now chickened out.
“Damn it, you can’t just sit there all day in the sun by yourself. Cherine, I do have work to do. If you promise not to chatter all day, I’ll leave my door open for you. You are free to help yourself to cool drinks or something to eat or to watch telly if you want.”
“No.”
“Okay. Any special reason?”
“You don’t want me to come into your home.” I stared back at him defiantly. He came over to me, staring down as I stared back up, refusing to give in first. He knelt on the grass.
“How old are you Cherine?”
“Eight. How old are you?”
“Ancient!” He looked at me a while. “Over twenty. Satisfied?”
I did not answer. I could not really think of what to say. I think I was also too engrossed in feeling him. He sighed and got up. “I pity the man who marries you someday. You’ve got a stubborn streak to you. My offer stands Cherine, the door will be open, you can come in or stay out. It’s your decision.”
The next day was very hot. I put on my swimsuit, took a towel and sat on the lawn. He’d kept his promise and the door was ajar. I was soon sweating and uncomfortable and the cool dimness of his flat tempted me, but I refused to give in. I could sense that he was not working. He was staring at me and his feelings showed that he was slightly aroused. He was also getting angry. He went to the kitchen (I found out later) and violently opened a bottle of coke. The top of the bottle snapped off and he cut his hand.
He did not cry out, but I felt the sharp pain and was automatically on my feet running to him, calling out his name in fear. I came to a stop as I found him on his way to the bathroom, holding his bleeding hand. He saw my face and ignoring his pain, a tenderness came over him.
Gently he said, “It’s nothing Cherine, just a small cut. I’m going to wash it under cold water. Stay out of the kitchen, you’re barefoot and there is broken glass on the floor.” I followed him into the bathroom. He let the water wash the cut for a long time, but the bleeding would not stop. He wrapped a thick wad of toilet paper around his fingers, closed his fist to put pressure against the wound and grinned at me as I watched him with fascination.
2294
“If I’m more careful this time, would you like to share a coke? I have fruit juice if you prefer it.”
We sat in the lounge and I gulped the fruit juice down. I’d been very thirsty.
I noticed he was looking at me without desire affecting him, he was only concentrating on a logical problem he was trying to puzzle out. “Cherine, I did not make any noise. How did you know I was hurt?’
The moment had arrived. It always does, though, apart from my father, I’ve always run away before confessing. All I could do was stare back at him.
He kept his voice very gentle. “You did say freak, didn’t you?”
Tears slowly began to trickle as I got up to leave. He did not try to stop me. As I was near the door he spoke. “Whenever you decide to trust me and want to talk about it, I’ll be here. I know I have not been very friendly, but that was not because of you, it was because I was afraid I might end up liking you too much.”
Without turning I answered, “It was not. You became afraid because you wanted to touch my body.”
“You knew? Cherine baby, I cannot help how my body reacts to you, but if I allow myself to do it, then I would be an evil man. I would deserve to go to jail.”
“Even if I wanted you to?”
“Yes.”
I turned to look at him. “Why?”
“Because you…because of your age. I do not have the right to destroy your innocence.”
I stared back at him and his feelings were tearing at me. “You are innocent Robert, not me. I’ve fucked and everything else thousands of times. I’ve even been part of a rape. You are a grown up, but you don’t know what I do.”
His face went white, just like when he cut himself, and he staggered, sitting down on a chair. He stared back at me and I felt as if through his shock, his heart was trying to reach out to me. He kept his voice neutral, as if afraid he might frighten me.
“What do you mean? How could you have at your age?”
“Not in my body Robert.” I felt I’d admitted to too much and wanted to run before it is too late, but his eyes and feelings held me.
“That is why you feel you are a freak?”
“No. Because I killed my father.” It was too much for me and I felt that awful dizzy sick feeling I get when I think of it and closed my eyes as everything spun into darkness.
I woke up to find myself half lying on his lap, his arms tenderly around me.
“You okay?”
I nodded sleepily and then remembered. I began to cry.
“Oh Robert, I know about your tra… your bad thing.”
“My tragedy? What do you know love.”
“Yes, your tra… I know!”
“You’ll tell me when you are ready. Why can’t you say the word tragedy?”
“I can, tra… tra…”
“Forget it for now sweetheart. Just relax. Can I get you anything?”
2295
“No. Some water please.”
He brought it and I sipped a little. Now I felt an urgent need to go and wee-wee. He made sure I could stand and walk before he let me go. I had to take off my swimsuit to wee. I sat on the toilet and when I finished I just sat there crying.
He knocked on the door. “Are you alright?” I did not answer, just began to sob. He opened the door and picked me up in his arms. I felt my still wet wee-wee wetting his arm, but he did not seem to care. He carried me to his bed, pulled down the top sheet, lay me down and covered me. He sat by my side, his hand gently stroking my hair and face. Nobody had loved me like this before and I felt my heart open and in spite of my fear I knew I love him more than I have ever loved anyone before, even my father. He was looking into my eyes and I think he felt it, for he closed his eyes and I saw tears being squeezed out between his eyelids.
“How have you been hurt so much? Please trust me my love.”
I began my story, at first hesitating and afraid, but as I felt his love and awe, I gained courage and soon I was telling him everything. He lay down above the top sheet and pulled me to him as I talked and cried. He probed gently for details about what happened with my father and I told him. Soon as I had, I felt sick again and went to sleep.
I woke up cradled in his arms, my face against his chest. I listened to his steady heartbeat and I was overcome by the tenderness and love I felt in him. I could also feel he was upset that his body was aroused. I kept my eyes closed and thought about it. I could feel how my body wanted, ached, to be touched by him, but I also somehow knew he would not do it, he really felt it is wrong.
Pretending I was still asleep I nuzzled up to him and my hand went into his shirt. I felt his nipple, hard and strong under my fingers. As I rubbed it I felt it swell. I turned my face and put my lips to it and began to suckle. I think that when he felt my tongue lick it he knew this was not me being a baby and that I was now awake. I felt him struggle inside himself, but he did not pull away. I loved the taste and I was right, I love the smell of him, also the skin that is rough to my childish hands. With my face buried within his shirt it was as if I were within a cave of warm male scent and I felt safe. It made me feel like crawling into there so that I could hide from the whole world.
“You are awake Cherine?”
“Umm.”
I decided it was now or never. If I let him win this battle with himself he will never touch me again. I pulled back, my eyes still closed and taking his hand brought it to my lips. After kissing it I put his palm against my chest which was bare and slid it down to my tummy under the sheet. He gently kneaded me with his fingers while his eyes kept straying from my face down over my body, which was mostly exposed now. I knew what had fired his imagination so I acted on it.
“I wish I was pretty.”
“Pretty!? You are gorgeous! You feel so soft and warm…”
“But I’m ugly. Look.” I pulled the sheet down, exposing my sex. “Look how big and ugly my bump is.” His hand came down to pull the sheet up, even as he groaned within himself. My hand came over his and pushed it down. “Feel how it sticks out, it’s ugly!”
His huge hand was cupping me and now he groaned out loud. “It’s beautiful Cherine. I love the way it feels. But I mustn’t do this. You’ve been upset and don’t know what you are doing.”
“No, it’s ugly and smelly and pink like a baby’s. I saw my mummy’s, it is red and brown with lots of hair around it, I wish mine could be like hers. Look inside Robert and tell me if it is really ugly and if you think it will become pretty one day like my mummy’s.”
“Oh god, what are you doing to me baby.”
I pulled his face so that he had to look at my face. “Do you know how many times I’ve felt how others feel when they have sex? I’ve felt how ugly it can be and how wonderful. I’ve wanted to try for a long time, but I never let anybody touch me. Now I know I was waiting for you. Please love me Robert. Now please, it hurts.”
2296
“Where does it hurt?” He asked with a little smile and I knew I’d won, he had given in and had temporised, deciding he would do nothing to hurt me, but he would caress and kiss my body to make me feel good. I could feel how my mind is opening to his so that I felt and understood everything about him a hundred times clearer that I’d ever felt anyone else.
I put his hand back over my wee-wee. “Here but inside, deep inside.”
“Maybe I better check it.”
“Thank you.” He did not know it, but I was sending him my feelings every time he felt a little bit sexy and that made his sexy feelings grow stronger. By now his fingers were trembling and he could not have stopped himself even if he wanted to. I was not doing it on purpose, not really, but I was not trying to stop it either like I do with my mother. I’ll never let her feel me when I’m angry or hurt.
I no longer questioned what had drawn me to him from the moment I’d sensed him. I knew already that I will never find another man who will understand and accept me as he has. Just like a child loves it’s parents, I knew he is there for me to love and that it is safe for me to trust and love him. I could feel with a certainty that he will be there for me forever, I don’t know why.
I am also learning something strange about him. His mind is a little bit like mercury, it changes shape and form within an instant, despite his being so dependable. He suddenly looked at me with a grin.
“Are you always this polite? Cherine baby, I’m supposed to say thank you, not you.”
I closed my eyes in frustration. Just when I think something is about to happen he wants to talk.
“I get the message, you want me to start playing doctor and get rid of that little ache. Cherine, just like a doctor, I have to examine you first. I must be sure I know what is wrong with you.”
I could feel he was on fire and desperate to touch me, but at the same time he was filled with a sweet tenderness. He was joking and talking so as to relax me, he still saw me as a little girl and feared frightening me. I desperately wished that he could also feel me.
He pulled the sheet entirely off me and on his knees he stood looking down at me. It did not feel the way it does if my mummy or, when he was still alive, my daddy saw me naked, just because he is an adult. This felt a little naughty which made it exciting, having a man who feels sexually excited by my body looking at me in the nude was making me shiver. He is so big compared to me that the thought of him lying over me was scary, but I also wanted him to. The idea of his rough male adult body touching me all over gave me goosebumps. I’ve often felt other couples making love, but very rarely have I felt any couple feeling anything close to the way we feel for each other. Not because of me, because of Robert. Even in my ignorance, I could feel that I’ve found myself someone very special and as I keenly monitored his emoting I became determined never to let him go.
His warm hands were incredibly gentle as he massaged my arms and then moved to my chest. He followed his hands with soft little kisses. I could feel his tongue also licking me. When his lips came over my pea-sized nipple it felt as if it was connected to my wee-wee by fire or an electric shock.
He was going too slow for me, I needed him down there, but he wanted to taste every part of my body. I could have cried when he went past it and started from my feet, working his way up again. I thought I could not bear it when he licked inside my thighs and he kept stopping, calming me down. Now all that was left was the one place I’d been wanting him to touch all this time. He opened my legs and helped raise my knees. He lay down at the bottom of the bed with his face and hands between my thighs.
At first he did not touch me. He brought his nostrils to my bump and smelt me. I remembered my wee-wee had been wet from weeing and I became shy until I felt his reactions. It was like there was a white hot fire inside him. His fingers gently touched and felt around, as if he was testing it, feeling the texture and softness. With a hand to either side he pulled held them apart and just stared, his physical body not moving, but his delight at what he saw as my beauty, a rapture that held him a prisoner.
He looked up at me. “God Cherine, I can’t believe how lovely you are!!” I only stared back at him. What could I say, thank you did not seem the appropriate answer, but I think he saw my adoration of him in my eyes.
2297
He brought his mouth down and I quivered, I’d never expected to feel anything so powerfully. Soon it hit me so hard I thought I was dying. I screamed as my body arched. I think I went wild, but I don’t remember much of what I did, all I knew was that I did not want it to ever stop. Soon it did get less intense and my bum touched the sheets once more. He moved up so that his face was over mine. I put my little hands up, hardly able to hold much of him and tried to pull him down over me. Carefully he let me and his huge face and rough cheeks touched mine. He kissed my eyes, cheeks and then his lips came over mine. He had not had the same feelings I’d just had, and yet he seemed to be in heaven, his face a mask of adoration.
“Oh my girlie, what have you done to me? I’ll never be able to love anyone else like this again.”
“I won’t either. I love you Robert.”
“I can see it my love, but you are a child and one day you’ll grow up and leave me. How will I be able to live without you?” I’d thought I was insecure, but he took the cake. He was already despairing about what he thought would happen; to him it was inevitable.
“I’ll never leave you, I swear!”
He put his fingers to my lips. “Don’t swear my love. Just love me as long as you can.”
After a while, after a lot of kisses, caresses and words of love, he rolled off me and lying next to me he lifted me and put me on top of him where I lay with my ear against his chest.
“Will you take off your clothes next time Robert?”
“If you want me to. I’m not pretty like you though. I don’t think you’ll like seeing me.”
“You promise?”
He sighed and I felt that he was afraid. I wondered why. “I promise.”
“Can we have the next time now please?”
“Tomorrow baby. I need some time to think about it. I think you better be going back home, you can’t return in your swimming costume after dark. Everyone will wonder about it.”
I sensed he had a worry he was trying to keep secret from me. I guessed and asked, “Is this our secret Robert? Just for you and me?”
“Yes. Just for us.” I could tell I’d helped relax him.
He made me leave, but even from my room I felt him when he masturbated and it hurt him when he came. I felt embarrassed and cried. I’d forgotten to make him feel nice also.
I was not going to make the mistake of going to him in just a swimming costume, I would not give him the excuse to send me home so early again. When I got to his door and found it open I felt him in his bedroom and rushing in threw my arms around him. He lifted me and kissed all over my face.
He carried me through to the lounge and sat on the sofa with me on his lap.
“Now please Robert?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I’ve got a feeling that you are not a kid who just does what adults tell her to do. Cherine, what happened yesterday, I don’t know what came over me, but it was wrong. Please, give me a chance to explain.
I don’t care whether other people think it is wrong of me to make love to a child of eight or not. What I care about is that I know I was wrong to do so. Cherine, for us to become lovers would not be good for you.” He was staring into my eyes as he continued, “I cannot believe that I’ve grown to love you so much so quickly, but if my love is true then it also demands that I do what is right for you. You are still a child and have the right to live the life of a child. You should not have to have dark secrets. You should not have to deal with the passions of an adult. I want you to have a happy childhood and if my love for you helps make it happier, then I can remain a part of your life. If I keep losing control and treat you as my lover, I must stay away from you.”
2298
“But I want to make love with you Robert.”
“I know you do.” He kissed me. “You are too young to understand how it would change your life forever. I’m old enough to know better, so the responsibility is mine.”
I saw how guilty he felt, the fear in him, so I could not argue. I had to find another way. I gave him my cheeky grin. “So you’ll never make love to me again?”
“Not never love. But if we could at least wait until you are a teenager.”
“If I don’t keep trying to make you do it, then you’ll stay and love me?”
“Guaranteed.”
“You promise?”
“Yes. You don’t need my promise love, I don’t think I could bear to be apart from you for more than a day.”
I felt I was giving him a strange smile and was surprised to feel it affect him. I stuck my tongue out at him. “Okay. Then I will find someone else to make love to me until I’m a teenager. When you want me, I’ll get rid of him and only make love to you. Are you happy now?”
I’d not expected his reaction. He looked stricken, as if I’d told him he was about to die, or maybe, that I was going to. I also felt him trying to shut himself away, not allow himself to feel love for me.
“That is blackmail.”
“I was only being honest with you. I told you I can feel everybody around me making love. Do you know how many do every night just in this building? I made myself wait for you and now you want to think of me as a little kid and say you will not touch me again. It is not fair Robert, why must I suffer for years?”
I thought he would get angrier, but he calmed down and then I felt him change again. “What you are telling me love is that I’m stupid. I keep seeing a child and forgetting who you are. Forgive me?”
“Does that mean you changed your mind?” I tried to hide my excitement.
“No. It just means I have not thought it through. Give me a day or two to think about it. Cherine, I’m terrified.”
“I know. If I want you, why?”
“I nearly lost control yesterday.” He shuddered. “You can’t know how it is for me love. I wanted you so much that I just felt like pulling your legs open and ramming myself into you. What if I did lose control and that happened? I know I would not be able to live with myself after doing something like that. I’d die knowing that I hurt the person I love more than anything in this world.” I’d felt his need burning in him, but had not realised it would terrify him so much.
I caressed his face. “Robert, do you believe what I told you about my secret?”
“Your gift? Yes, I do.”
“Then please trust me when I tell you that you will never hurt me. I maybe don’t see and understand all the emotions you feel; even if I thought I did. But I am certain of one thing that I saw in you. There is no way you will hurt me, ever! And I don’t care how strongly you feel like doing something, you will not if it hurts me.”
“You really believe that!”
“No Robert, I know that. Anyway, who says I did not want you to make me your woman?”
“Don’t even think of it, not even as a possibility, there is no way I’d do it to you while you are so young. Not until your body is big enough. Promise me you will never make me.”
“How can I make you?”
2299
“Cherine baby, I may be in love with you, but I’m not stupid. I’ve just met you and suddenly I’m completely besotted by you. Tell me the truth, you could feel me, weren’t you in love with me first?”
“Yes.”
“You took my growing feelings for you and emoted your love for me and the two together made me love you crazily. I think you could make me do anything you want.”
“You’re saying I’m a freak!!”
“Yup! And you’re my sweet little freak and I wouldn’t want you to be any other way.”
“You’re silly!”
“That is what the word besotted means love. Silly with love for you.”
He sat up, putting me to the side. I felt him and had to stop myself from sighing.
“What’s wrong now?”
“I just thought of something and I got scared. You felt it?”
“Of course!”
“I just realised that our staying together does not depend on you or me. If your mother moves or marries, she will take you away from me.”
“Then I won’t let her.”
He sharply pulled my face to his. “Don’t ever say that! You do not have the right to deprive her of love or happiness.”
“Then I’ll run away and come to live with you!”
“In prison? I’m sorry I brought this up love. There is no reason to start fearing something that has not happened. Cherine, your gift, please, you must never use it to manipulate and force other people to change their lives to suit you. If you do, then it will no longer be a gift. Then it will be a curse, as you keep calling it.”
He is sweet but silly, but I won’t tell him. How can I avoid using it to affect other people? Especially if it helps to make them happy. I’m just wondering though; if I did not have my ‘gift’, would he have loved me? How much did I manipulate him?
“This is turning far too sombre. Let me put my shoes on and we’ll go to the square for an ice cream or whatever you like. I don’t even know what you like! I have so much to learn about you.”
We had a nice day and he teased me so I teased him back and won. It made him happy - he really is crazy!
I just wish that he had preferred to spend the day alone with me. I want to make him feel the way he made me feel. I think he will have to show me how though.
An interruption by Sam. Something totally unexpected has happened and it is very important and it affects two species directly and one indirectly…sort of. I’ll insert the story of it after the story of Cherine and Robert has ended.
Robert seems determined to keep me out of his flat. He keeps taking me to window-shop or sit at the square. He even took me shopping. He made me buy everything I love to eat, even the stuff mum says is bad for me. He also bought lots of magazines, colouring pencils and a tv toy with lots of games so that I can pass my time. I wish he would stop ‘thinking’ so much and make up his mind, but I am afraid that he will keep on ‘thinking’ until I’m grown up if I don’t help him decide.
He is a little stupid also!
2300
This morning I came to his flat and he had just woken up. He had left the door open for me and had gone for a shower - but he did not even think of locking the door! I could hear the water running so I quickly took off my clothes and quietly opening the door went in. He had a shock when he saw me get into the shower with him. His weewee also suddenly became big and stood up. It was almost sticking into my chin and I stared at it. I had not realised it would be so big!
“Can I touch it Robert?”
He did not want me to think it is wrong, but I sensed he thought it is. I did not let him think about it anymore. I put my hand around it and then decided it would be better if I hold it with both hands. He stood there as if paralysed and it was because he had all these feelings that were the opposite of each other. The strongest one was the need he felt for me to carry on touching him.
I held it with my one hand and let the fingers of the other one move all over it, feeling it.
“Is this where you’re weewee comes out of?”
He grunted and then answered, ‘yes.’ I grinned up at him. “It is a funny looking thing. Why has it got all this loose skin? I’m glad your face is not like this.”
He smiled and put his hands on my shoulders. “How much do you know about sex baby? I mean, apart from feeling what other people felt.”
I was going to say ‘everything’ but I found myself shyly saying I didn’t know much. “But I do know that your tongue can make me feel like I’ve got fireworks blowing up in my bump.”
“Let’s finish our shower and then I’ll explain it all to you.”
I liked that idea, maybe he will tell me what to do so that he also feels the fireworks from me. He washed me with his hands, but he told me I have to use my own fingers to wash inside my flower and my bum. I could feel he did not find it disgusting and really wanted to do it for me, so I did it without feeling bad. It was sort of a nice feeling doing it with him watching me. I also watched him and was surprised when he pulled the skin back for the knob shape to came out. He cleaned it also.
“Why aren’t we using soap? Don’t you want me to be clean? I’ll be yucky.”
“I’ll explain just now my love.” He dried himself roughly and then wrapping the towel around me he carried me to the bedroom. He went back to the lounge to close the shutters so that no one can see us. I think he did not realise I was watching him and he stopped and looked at the picture of the girl. I felt inside him how sad it made him. He tried to cheer himself up and came back to me with a smile.
“Robert, I want to know who she is. Did she die?”
“As far as I’m concerned you could say so. I was in love with her, but she left me and loves someone else. Forget about her my love, she will never be a threat to our love. Now only you matter to me.” Why is he lying to me, I wondered, he knows I can sense how he really feels. I just stared at him without speaking. He stopped trying to jolly me and looked back, his face serious. He ran his face over his face (he likes doing that) and sat on the bed by me.
“Stupid huh? You can feel everything I feel?”
“Yes.”
“It is one of the things I’ve been trying to understand. At first I thought that the explanation might be that I really love you like a daddy and that is how I can still love her too. Seeing you in the shower reminded me that I don’t always feel like a daddy with you, so I’m now one hell of a confused bastard.”
“I’ll make you love me only Robert, I promise. Then you won’t have to be sad because of her.”
He chuckled. “I think you will!”
“What is her name?”
“Dominique. Cherine, please don’t hate her, you should actually be grateful to her. If she had still been with me I might not have ever known you.”
I hope you enjoy reading this story of fantasy, adventure and love - and should some of it be true for our reality, I hope you will love our Cherine.
Αλέξανδρος Ζήνον Ευσταθίου
(Alexander Zenon Eustace)5th October, 2019
- posted on Steemit: 5th October, 2019
If you wish to read from an earlier book, from Book 01 to Book 04, use this link button to open the LC Book Index:
