LiTTLE CHERiNE Book 03 - post060

For Sargami to remain, Pano will have to be sacrificed. It seems they have grown fond of each other, for Sargami is quite a selfish individual, and he earned points with everyone when he refused to jeopardise the existence of Pano, telling him that this life is his turn and he refuses to take it from him.

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1582

Back in England, most of my friends, girls and boys, prefer to watch a story on the screen, whereas I learnt, from when I was very young, to love reading. Watching a story on the screen steals from me the right to use my imagination so as to colour what I see with my own preferences and wishful thinking, thus personalising it and making the story mine, in a magically transforming way. For instance, the characters in the story, I use the basic description of the author to create a person as I imagine them in appearance, perhaps influenced by how I feel about the character and what I find attractive or unattractive, to a certain degree.
Another advantage of reading versus watching a story evolve or unfold upon the screen, is that I rarely read an entire novel in one sitting. Putting the book down for a while and then returning to it means I have had time to think of what I have already read (even if only subconsciously) and form or clarify certain opinions and to get a better feel for the story and the characters.

1583

If the author is an accomplished writer and subtle, I find myself amazed by the way I can sense how the character will respond to events and their emotions usually make sense to me. In real life, well, in my life, I find that even being a Cherinian does not gift me with that kind of understanding of people. I hope that being linked as a Cherinian will help me grow in that respect, for otherwise I am bound to hurt people I care for.
Sargami remained with us for two days and then Solomon told him that he must return. Sargami did not protest, but his face was the face of a child struggling not to cry while also trying to suppress his anger at the unfairness of life. He hugged Pano, when Pano hugged him, and smiled as he told him to stop being foolish, that Pano must not allow him to influence his life.
“I know you are curious about the life I lived, but I chose not to speak of my life to you, for it was not a life to be spoken of. Pano, I had an early death and even though life among my people is harsher than it is with yours, I deserved to die. These people, they may love you, but they will never understand you, for your suffering will always remain a part of you. Pano, my soul-brother, I think it is important you become worthy of the gift of life they are offering you. Prove that you …we…have grown, that you are now worthy of a better life than we’ve had up to now.” He struck his bicep with the flat of his hand and chuckled. “Perhaps we will still meet sometimes in your dreams.”
With Sargami gone, Pano soon changed. He became moody, angry most of the time and nothing anybody did for him earned even an emoting of gratitude or appreciation. It means that Robert must wait, for it could turn into a catastrophe if the little boy and his mother are brought back to life while he is working his way through emotions he does not understand.

This morning I woke up to find Pano gone. I thought he may have needed some time on his own, so I did not panic and kept myself busy. By afternoon I was worried and by evening I gave in and panicked. I soon had both Teller families with me in the apartment.
I moaned, “I should have kept a close watch on his emoting…”
My Robert turned me by the shoulders so that I faced him, and told me, “Almost all parents worry when their children become teenagers and start going out in the evening. Some of them will secretly read the diary of their child so that they know what he or she thinks and is doing, feeling that this way they will be in time to prevent anything bad happening to their child. Other parents prefer to bite their nails, but trust their children. It is usually those who do not trust their child who end up with children who take the wrong path in life. Lillian, even when you worry, be glad that you are the person you are, for it is that small difference that could end up playing an important role in guiding Pano.”
I heard what he said and I agree with him, but I had a feeling that something bad is about to happen. Robert reached for our Cherine and as she lay on his lap she closed her eyes. As soon as she returned to her mind we all felt that something is worrying her.
“Lillian, Pano is looking for that girl who killed the little boy. I cannot find any logical thoughts in his purpose; he wants to punish her, yet he is not planning violence. He does not know how he is to achieve what he wants, but he is determined to try.”
My instant reaction was to get him back and talk some sense into him. I left the room and went to stand on the balcony, my eyes fixed on those walking past below, but my thoughts locked on trying to find an answer that will be good for Pano. I returned to the sittingroom.
“Only you know how to help him in the right way, Aganthi. If he is to find his self-respect again, he must do something, even if he is physically hurt. Can you be with him in his mind and guide him?”
“I’ll try.” Her Robert quickly sat and she lay down with her head on his thigh and we sensed her leave.

Feeling calmer, I left the apartment to go to the local patisserie below and bought a few boxes of pastries. I know I can just as easily jump to the one that has the pastries the local Tellers love, but I believe that since I live in this neighbourhood, it is important I support the local traders. Anyway, they make some very nice cherry filled chocolates and both Roberts enjoyed them, finishing the entire box as we waited for Aganthi and Pano.
It was after midnight when Aganthi returned. She shook her head at our questions and told us, “Pano is on his way back and a lot of his pain is gone. He now has a chance at living a good life.” She smiled at me. “Wait for him to tell us, he deserves that right, since he handled the situation without my help.”
Nearly two hours later a weary little boy opened the door and stopped, staring at us. He looked at me, “Lilliana…”
As I went to him, I said, “Let your news be told afterwards, Pano, first you must eat and drink something.”
“Can I have a shower while you make the food?”
Dommi jumped home and brought us some leftover keftedes (fried meatballs) and chips. I heated them and soon as he sat at the table he gobbled them up, sipping at the fruit juice now and then. Within minutes of finishing his meal he looked sleepy, but he fought to keep his eyes open.
“Do you know where I went Lilliana?”
“Yes, you went to find the horrible girl. The rest of it we’ve been waiting to find out from you. Did she remember you?”
“No. When I made her see the angel she killed, then she remembered me.” There was a light in his eyes I had not seen before. “Now she will never forget me.”
I did not ask how he did it, his experiences with us and going to the void must have awakened a part of his mind. “You didn’t just make her see Sargami, did you? What did you do to her, Pano?”
“It was not Sargami, it was an angel, like in the ikons in the church. The angel told her that if she dies while her soul is black, the devil will take her. The angel disappeared and she wanted me to tell her how to make her soul white again, but I told her she must do it on her own and then I left.”
Prime Robert asked him, “Why didn’t you suggest she helps the very young street children?”

1584

He shook his head. “No, she must find what is dead in her - Sargami told me it is dead - and bring it to life. She killed it, so she must give it life again, not me.”
Mostly we feel he has done well for a boy of his age, considering the life he has led, and if there remains a grey area, so what, I would not expect my Pano to be an angel from now, so I refuse to say anything negative.

We changed our minds. We had planned on bringing the little boy first, but then we realised he is going to need a lot of love and the knowledge that the comfort of a mothers’ arms exist for him, so Robert brought back the mother first.
Eleftheria is Greek, as Pano had claimed, despite his not remembering her. She grew up in the countryside, on a small farm. She met a man who came to work at a neighbouring farm for the season and she ended up pregnant. She chose the only option she had, since the man was gone, and she went to Athens. She had the baby and found a job which she held for nearly five years. She was not eating well and sacrificing everything for her little boy, so when she became sick, she did not go to a doctor. By the time she ended up in hospital she was too close to death for them to save her.
Before she was taken from her rooms by the ambulance men, she knew she was dying and scribbled a note, gave it to Pano and told him not to stay, that he must leave, or else he will be placed in a home for children where he will suffer. She wanted him to travel back to her village to find her parents, who she was certain would care for him. All that Pano understood is that he must leave and not let the authorities find him. He suffered, but when he decided to risk returning to his home, there were other people living there and they shouted at him when he tried to enter. Scared, he ran and never returned. It was only after weeks of eating food out of rubbish bins that he met the group he became a part of. In a sense, he grew to think of them as his family.

Eleftheria is staying in the apartment with Pano and me. It is hard for her to adjust to being alive after experiencing her death and she keeps on praying to the Mother Mary, pleading for her forgiveness, but she never says aloud what she wants to be forgiven for. Under these circumstances it would have been unrealistic of us to expect her to open her heart to Pano, so I have made certain he understands why she is not paying him any attention and do all I can to reassure him that she does love him. At this time of his need, I find it natural to give him the continuing comfort of my love - which he has grown to depend on.
All the Cherinians decided that the best way for them to help Eleftheria, will be by ensuring I have visitors at all times of the day and evening, with Aganthi and my Dominique almost spending the entire day with us every day. Eleftheria soon started off by giving a nod of greeting to those she recognised as Greek and then, finally she cornered Natalie by the bathroom.
“Do you know how I arrived here and why I am staying with a foreign woman and her son?”
Natalie’s soft brown eyes widened as she exclaimed, “Her son? Eleftheria, take a closer look at the child - he is not her son, he is your son, Pano. It has been more than six years since you last saw him. He did not know where your village is, so he was not able to go to your father as you instructed him, so he became a street child - which is where that foreign woman found him. She has been looking after him for months now, but she could feel how Pano is yearning for his mother, so she asked for help and you were brought back, so as to bring up your son with the love of a mother, which he desperately needs. I’ll tell you what, why don’t you sit with me in the lounge and while we drink our coffee and talk, take a better look at Pano - I think you’ll recognise him once you look at him without fear blinding you.”
“But how did I get here?”
“You are a mother Eleftheria, your first concern must be your son. After you have helped heal his heart, then you worry about how you got here. Come, let’s make our coffees.”
Once the first step was taken, success hinged on Eleftheria recognising her son. Prime Cherine was not willing to sacrifice the happiness of Pano and his mother for the sake of a rule laid down by her Robert, so she sent to Eleftheria a series of vague images of Pano, from six years old to now. She cried out his name and Pano ran to her, throwing himself into her arms when she stretched them out to hold him to her.
I could understand why nobody wanted to leave. Sharing from mother and son their indescribable ecstatic joy and love is an experience rarely felt so intensely. When both Roberts decided everyone must leave, so as to allow Eleftheria and Pano some time alone without the pressure of other people being present, I was about to leave with them, but Aganthi gestured for me to stay.

The last two days have had moments of joy and tears for all three of us, but I became impatient of Eleftheria when Pano tried to explain to her how it is she has been returned to life and she stopped him, demanding they immediately go to church to thank the Virgin Mary and light candles. I could feel how desperately he needs her, and yet he found the courage to refuse her. He left her side and sat on another sofa, from where he stared at her while refusing to return to her side, despite her pleas.
She cried out that it was not her fault that she died and the pinched look on his face grew colder.
“I have never blamed you for dying, I’m not that stupid. But you left me behind you like a piece of rubbish, not worth planning for my safety. I was not even six years old, mitera, but you left it to me to find my family without writing the name of your parents and their village, the paper you gave me only told me I must go to your father, and as you gave it to me, all you did is tell me to go to them…at the last moment when you could not speak properly anymore. I have been taught how to go into my memories and see the truth and I have seen that you cared more about your pride and your parents than about me.”
From behind Eleftheria I gestured, asking him whether he wants me to stay or leave. He gestured for me to leave, so I nodded, sent him a kiss and quietly left. I went to the zaharoplasteio and ordered a coffee and then kept myself sensitive to Pano, so that I can sense if things get bad between them and he needs me to return, without me trespassing on their family argument. Even if he says a few things he should not, I do not blame him, he is a child and some of his accusations are valid.

1585

When I returned, Pano was in his bedroom and Eleftheria was sitting on the balcony, her heart broken. I made us two coffees, hers a Greek one, and joined her.
“Eleftheria, has your son explained to you how and why it is you have been brought back to life?”
She gave me a bitter look. “He is a child and you saw he needed a mother and wanted him to be yours, so you filled his head with nonsense - as if any man can bring back to life anyone who has died. Only o Kyrios, o Hristos, can bring back the dead.” Her face hardened. “I will not let you take him from me, he is my son!”
Being evening, I knew it would be safe, so I stood by her, telling her to stand up. As soon as she did, I teleported us to the beach Robert goes to, since it never has anyone on it at night.
“Eleftheria, are you so wise that you know what it is all people can do, as if their abilities and knowledge are the same as yours? Take a walk on the beach by yourself and think about everything that has happened and find the questions you should be asking, so that I can answer them for you. If you do not, I can promise you that Pano will not respect this kind of person you are showing yourself to be and he’ll refuse to stay with you.”
As she walked away, glancing backwards now and then, I decided I had made a mistake. I returned for Pano, and with a brief explanation, I had him dress up warmly, grabbed some Euros and returned us to the beach. “I want a coffee, let’s go to Maria’s taverna, though they seem to be quite busy.”
As we arrived by the taverna, I told Pano, “Robert, in some things, has little sense. If he had chosen a beach on the northern side of Cyprus, there would not be this irritating wind blowing grit into my eyes and hair.” He laughed far more than my observation deserved, but he’d needed to break out of his mood, so I was pleased.
Maria did not recognise me as being part of the large group that keeps coming to her, so I told her that Robert suggested I come to her taverna for a coffee and an ice-cream for the boy. She immediately added a table and two chairs to the crowded floor and took care of our order personally.

“Pano, do you remember how difficult it was for you to adjust to being on the streets when your mother died?” He nodded. “In a way, it is just as difficult for your mother…let me explain before you shake your head at me like that.” I gave him a smile, so he nodded and waited for me.
“I’ve been thinking about the accusations you made before I left the apartment. A lot of what you said was right, but it was spoken mostly out of ignorance from your side. Do you remember the English word empathy, that we explained to you? Try and listen to your own sense of empathy for your mother as I explain her to you.
First of all, I want to make clear to you that I like your mother. Basically she is a proud woman and when she found herself pregnant, she did not crawl at the feet of her parents and ask for help - nor did she stay in the village to shame them with what she thought of as her sin. Pano, if you do not keep in your mind a clear image of how her growing up in a village affected her, you will keep on finding reasons to be angry with her. It would not be fair to her and it will only make you miserable. Try to understand how she was shaped by her childhood and ignorance, just as you were by her mistake. Later on you can hope she will develop a sense of empathy for all you suffered, but right now she is too afraid and confused, we must first heal her spirit and heart.”
I am not very knowledgeable about life in the Greek villages, as it was when Eleftheria was a child, when they did not even have a television to teach them what life outside is like, but I could guess enough to help Pano get a feel for how it was for her.
By the time Eleftheria returned, looking for me, his face and attitude had softened. He left the taverna and going to her put his arms around her and then he spoke to her for a few minutes and then led her to me. Another chair was brought, plus a bottle of white wine and a bowl of fruit.
As soon as Maria walked away, Eleftheria told me, “I tried, but I do not know what questions to ask.”
I grinned. “I’ll ask the question for you and if you want me to answer it for you, nod and I will do so.”

It took a few days for Eleftheria to begin to adjust to her new life. This was not the time to speak to her of more wonders, or of our plans regarding transferring her to a different reality. We do not have a reality where the Cherinians have grown strong enough to risk having someone like her blow the whistle on them, nor can we tell her about the dead boy her son wants to adopt as a brother, so I do not know what we will do. Pano willingly resumed his reading lessons and he is gradually learning other subjects, such as arithmetic, geography and so on, so we are not in a hurry to settle them as a family.

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I hope you enjoy reading this story of fantasy, adventure and love - and should some of it be true for our reality, I hope you will love our Cherine.

Αλέξανδρος Ζήνον Ευσταθίου

(Alexander Zenon Eustace)
^{17th September, 2019}

* posted on PALNet - Steemit - WEKU - CreativeCoin: 17th September, 2019