LiTTLE CHERiNE Book 03 - post058
When everyone sensed the difference in the boys and saw how I’d handled it, I was kissed by many, which was not good for my libido, as I don’t want to have sex with anyone, but I fought my battle with just my willpower. It was a little easier for me, as I have been ‘off’ sex since Brian.
1578
When I was told they are awake, have had their breakfast and we can visit, I took the two boys to the Teller home. After he collected a cigarette, Prime Robert asked Pano to come out to the garden for a talk - man to man. Pano had exchange-kissed with Robert, so he was not afraid and walked by his side with a proud tilt to his head. Aganthi sent to me that I am welcome to share the conversation from Robert directly.
“Pano, has Lilliana told you the story of Aganthi, of where she comes from?”
“She said Aganthi was one of us…from the street. She did not sleep in a box, Roberto, she had a home.”
“Do you know what the word home means? It is meant to be a place where we feel safe and loved. For her, it was mostly a place of pain, of being raped by her father and being sent out to give her body to men who enjoy hurting children. What I’m trying to tell you, Pano, is that home is not really a place, it does not even mean it is a place where family lives. The word home is just an idea and the idea is coloured by our emotions. For you, the idea is coloured by a wish to have a safe place where there is someone to love you, so, if you had met Aganthi while she was still on the street and you had told her that your dream is to have a home and family, she would pity you for having such an ugly dream. Now, she too has a home of the kind you dream of, so she can understand your pain. We all can.”
“How can you, you have never been without a home and family.”
Robert shrugged. “Those of us who have not had a home or loving family, can understand how you feel because they have been in the same place you are in. Those of us who have always had a home and loving family, they know how wonderful and important it is to their lives, so they can feel how important it is that you also have a home of your own.”
Robert waited, giving Pano the time to think upon what he is learning.
1579
“Pano, none of us can even imagine what you have suffered and cannot understand how it is a little child of six managed to survive on his own for six years. Our hearts ache for you, but, even more important, we are proud of you, for your survival was only possible because you are a true pallikari.” Robert held his hand up to stop Pano from protesting. “You remember the times you cried and huddled through the night, tortured by your fears, and it seems like my naming you a pallikari is nonsense, a lie. Pano, a pallikari is not the person who enters battle without fear, it is the person who fears but fights anyway. Your survival proves that you never gave up - and if you had to lie and steal to get food so as to survive, that too took courage. Am I wrong?”
I could feel that one part of Pano felt as if it wanted to weep at finding someone who can see how he has lived and understand him, while another part felt a stirring of pride in himself and, at the same time, his heart began to blossom and the love starting to grow in him was partly love and partly his need for a father finally discovering a way to express itself safely. It is that gift it seems all Roberts have, that children feel safe with them, which was helping to free Pano.
Robert reminded Pano of our ability to hear the thoughts of others, as he too had communicated with us by thought alone when in the void. He then told him about his nightmare of the angel being killed, and that I had shared his nightmare and it had made me want to help him, so that I also ended up loving him.
Themi had agreed that Robert should explain what we’ve seen behind the façade of an angel and Robert did so. As we had hoped, it triggered the full memory and Pano collapsed as he retreated into his mind, in an effort to escape facing the truth. Robert sat on the swing sofa, placing Pano’s head on his lap and gently rocked, so that the seat swung slightly. Before Pano opened his eyes, tears were already leaking and we could feel how busy he is hating himself. As Robert's fingers gently wiped his cheeks, Pano opened his eyes and looked directly into his.
“Welcome back.” His hand gently stroked his hair. “You need to blame yourself and I am not going to try and stop you. Blame yourself, cry, get angry - you may also get angry with me for not thinking bad things about you - but then, you must open your heart to us and try to listen to what we have to tell you.
Pano, you were barely six years old and you depended on your group for survival and companionship. You also did not grow up within an environment where you could learn of what is right and wrong. Somehow you acquired your beliefs due to an inner system of beliefs that you either naturally had or someone taught you at a much earlier age.
That girl with a knife, she is a really scary creature, I hope you noticed that I did not call her a person, a human being, for there was very little of what is human in her. Unfortunately, people who find it easy to hurt and kill others, are also difficult for most people to resist them, when they commit their atrocities. It seems to me that most of the kids in the group were afraid of her…while also feeling that their best chances of surviving in a society that doesn’t care whether you suffer, live or die, is in having someone like her leading them. Do you think I am right?
Pano, I noticed something - from your memories of what happened, not as you have allowed yourself to see the event, but as it actually happened. Not one of you helped her kill the little boy, she did it on her own. Afterwards, the gruesome cutting up of his tiny body, it was done by her, with each of you only accepting the pieces she gave you for disposing of at a distance from where she committed the murder. If I could look in the minds of the other kids, I think I would see in them a determination to keep themselves and the group safe, as her actions and demands indirectly made you all believe.”
Robert was breaking the Cherinian rules, spying on the mind of Pano, and as Pano thought, so did Robert deal with those thoughts and even, with his unvoiced fears. Slowly, tenderly, with a lot of love flowing from him into Pano, he eased his mind and heart and slowly Pano let go of most of his self-loathing.
I asked Robert, when he took a break for one of his cups of coffee and a cigarette, *Since you plan bringing back the child they killed, shouldn’t you tell Pano, so that he can let go his feelings of guilt?*
*Not yet, Lillian. If I do so now, he will not be able to welcome the thought of the child being brought back with love, only with a selfish release of his feelings of guilt. When I sense he is ready and has grown stronger inside him, then I will tell him. We also cannot bring the boy back until Pano has his mother - if she truly did love him.*
When Robert thought that Pano can handle it, he informed him that we will be returning to the void so that Solomon can help return him to a previous life. He explained, “We have all examined the image of the angel…Themi showed us the image, since he is the only one allowed to look into your memories because he is a doctor. Pano, the angel, it is not how we see angels and no six year old boy could have imagined such strangeness. We’ve checked and no religion has such strange looking angels. We decided it may be a good idea that Solomon helps you return to previous lives, in case you saw such an angel in one of those lives. We will not do it unless you agree to let Solomon try.”
“But…why?”
“Just think, what if you saw such an angel in a previous life, it could mean that there are such angels and only you have seen the truth, or else, maybe an alien came to our world and the person you were met it. Maybe the people of your village grew afraid of it and killed it and your previous self helped them, which is why you think you see yourself helping the girl kill an angel?”
Themi asked that we wait one more day, so as to give Pano time to digest all he has been told. It was Pano who pleaded we don’t wait, so Themi gave in. What Robert did, before we went there, was a brilliant idea. He asked Solomon to come to us as the little girl he always does. I don’t know whether Robert has written of it before, but when Solomon comes to Earth as a little girl, there is something special about him-her that very few girls on our worlds have; there is something very sweet and gentle about her and when she looks at you, there is a gentle look of understanding that accepts you with all your faults, while there is also the feeling that she needs your love and her heart will shatter if it is not offered. It did help Pano lose his fear of Solomon as an unknown alien about to enter his mind.
Solomon waited until we had finished dancing and exchange kissing. This is the second time my brother Jacob has been to the void and though he thought he is being discrete, we all noticed he is mostly directing his mote exchanges at Cassie. With her naturally thick wavy hair, beautiful face and ever-cheerful disposition, I’m not surprised. I was surprised that Robert did not warn him off. I’m wondering how Cassie will handle it, since I know she cannot bear the thought of hurting anyone.
1580
When Solomon approached, I noticed the soul of Pano darkened slightly more than usual and guessed he is nervous. Since Solomon knows what it means, I left it to him to soothe Pano.
The ‘voice’ of Solomon sounded even more gentle in our minds than it usually does. *Pano, before we begin, I need to mention a few facts, so that you don’t start this experience with ideas or worries that are not real. For instance, I will not be entering your mind and hearing your inner thoughts. Though I come from a species who enjoy having a communal mind, I am aware how seriously your species take your privacy and I will not do anything against what either of us believe in. Because you are new to visiting the void and sharing, it occurred to me that you may be afraid of my stealing parts of your soul. If so, Robert should have told you that each of the persons you see here has exchanged, giving a sliver - a tiny part - of their soul to the others. The Cherinian rule is, nobody is allowed to ask for such a piece, we are only allowed to accept if it is offered out of love.
The only reason we have all come together at this time, is because we all want to find a way to rid you of your nightmares, so that you will be free to love and grow as a human being. Sometimes past lives affect the present life, filling it with fears that do not belong to this lifetime and once you understand why and how you are being influenced, you will find they no longer affect you in bad ways. For me to enter and call forth your past lives, you must invite me. Pano, may I try to help?*
*Yes.*
Solomon allowed his motes to fade into a light mist of light and then they entered the soul of Pano. There was nothing threatening about the way Solomon handled it and Pano remained relaxed. As we waited, to me it felt as if hours are passing, but we could not sense anything from Pano or Solomon. Then the mist came out and gathered.
Solomon told all of us, but was mainly speaking to Prime Robert. *What I have discovered in a previous life has amazed me - look at the Sparklers and you will see how they are affected by what I learnt.* He was right, the Sparklers were roiling, either excited or upset. *I suggest we try something new, as I think Pano will also want to see and learn what all of you will learn. Robert, may we move to the Sparkler beach? There, Pano will be present as himself, but I will be helping a previous incarnation of his to take its original form and share its thoughts with us.*
I hope you enjoy reading this story of fantasy, adventure and love - and should some of it be true for our reality, I hope you will love our Cherine.
Αλέξανδρος Ζήνον Ευσταθίου
(Alexander Zenon Eustace)13th September, 2019
* posted on PALNet - Steemit - WEKU - CreativeCoin: 13th September, 2019
Στο 1580 μπερδεύτηκα..... Δώσε βοήθεια....