LiTTLE CHERiNE Book 01 - post068

^{I was not willing to relent an inch, not even for their sakes. I could not understand why then I was so anxious.}

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Chapter Forty Two

I do not know what I was expecting. I knew she would be in her mid or late forties and I had my memories of what she had looked like, so I only expected something slightly more wrinkled than I remembered. When Dommi opened the door for them and she entered, I felt as if my knees would give in from my relief. This must be some impostor, she was not my mother, she was an old woman worn out by a hard bitter life. Her mouth was a lipless thin grim line, nothing like those soft smiling lips I remembered.

Alki strategically introduced her to the girls first, without looking at me. Before the others could shake her hand, Cherine took a couple of steps and put her arms around the old woman and reaching up kissed her cheek. “Thank you for coming aunt Rose. Now our Robert can be happy again.” She turned around, looking at me and I was surprised to see tears running down her cheeks, but a happy glow to her eyes.

*Cherine, no way that grim old woman is my mother. You’ve made a mistake.*

She ignored me and introduced Dommi and Wendy. They all took their lead from Cherine and hugged and kissed her. By the time I was the only one left, she was a very bemused woman and I sensed a feeling of suspicion as she looked at me. I couldn’t help wondering what there is about me she was suspicious of.

I tried to smother the aggressive tone in my voice as I asked her, “Do you recognise me?”

“No.”

“But you are Rose Teller?”

“Yes, I was. You are Robert?”

“Yes.” Cherine’s action had convinced me she is my mother, and by hugging her she had told me she is good. However, I still felt - I still clung to the coldness, the hardness in me. “But not the Robert you knew.”

She gave her first smile and I had a glimpse of my mother again. “I can see that.” A sadness came into her eyes. “I see your father managed to turn you into his image.”

I was stung by her comment, but the way I was feeling, she was right. Aggressively I replied, “He did not bring me up in his image. He did not bring me up at all. He left my life after you did.”

“Aunt Rose this is not our Robert. He is never like this.”

I was furious that she would dare apologise for me. “Cherine!”

She looked at me and her tear stained face was sad. “Robert, your face is the same face you had when you did not love us anymore. I hate it!!”

Suddenly tears were rolling and I could not stop them. “Why did you leave me. Why did you leave me with him? You knew what he was like!”

My tears upset her, but her voice was no softer than before. “Are you still so young that you think everything is as it appears? Are you really still so innocent!”

She would not elaborate and the girls began to run interference for her. I realised this would get me nowhere. This hard embittered old woman was not going to apologise or explain. I muttered an excuse and left the house to take a walk - with Alki in tow.

“Roberto mou, you must give her some time. You cannot meet your mother after so many years and expect her to fall into your arms crying.”

“Why not?”

“With that cold face of yours? I would hesitate and I know and love you. Roberto, just as you have your memories of pain, she might have hers also. Give her the time she needs to believe in you so that she can tell you her side of the story.” I did not answer because I felt the shoe was on the other foot, she is my mother, it is her duty to worry about me first, not herself.

Over the next two days I hardly had a moment with my girls. They spent their daytime with her and Alki made sure we went out for supper the one night and invited us for supper with Marian the next. On the third day, I was sitting at my computer when Rose came in and sat at the only extra seat, since it seems the soft comfort of the sofa did not suit her mood. She waited silently while I worked. I finished a difficult piece and sat back to look at her.

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“I was not being deliberately rude, I was in the middle of something complicated and had to finish it.”

She ignored my apology. “You have questions you want to ask me. I do not think I will stay much longer and you spent a lot of money to bring me here, so ask them.”

“Why did you never try to contact me? So many years and not once did you...”

“Are you sure? Did your father always tell you everything? Did he tell you why I left? Did he tell you of how I tried to take you with me? Did he give you any of my letters?”

Her dispassionate tone, her face closed to me, these would have perhaps fooled me. With my girls around, not a chance! They emoted to me, sending me the feelings behind the mask. I saw a change in her eyes and realised what the little minxes had done.

I gave a half-hearted chuckle. “They did it to you also? We don’t have a chance you know, the girls are determined that I get my mother back.”

“They did that, made me feel what you are feeling? How is it possible!”

“Yes.” I grinned, guessing what a shock it was for her. “They did it to me also. Can we leave the explanations for later?” I turned serious again. “I felt angry and hurt and I was determined not to allow you to see my feelings. They will not allow me to hide. They tell me that you have suffered too much and they will not allow me to add to your pain. So, maybe we better try and talk and understand each other.”

Dommi walked in, her eyes soft with love, and I knew Cherine had sent her in as they knew I would not get angry with her. “Rose, I think you should know, since I have been with Robert, he has died a number of times. At least two of those times, it was your face, your love that helped save him. He needs you, but he is a very obstinate man. Please don’t allow him to push you away.”

Dommi looked so scared but determined, that I burst out laughing. I took my mother’s hand. “Come with us. We have something to show you. If we don’t you are going to start thinking we are crazy or you’ll become afraid of us. Dommi, you call Alki and Marian, tell them we need them to come dancing with us.”

As we sat in the living room, waiting for Alki and Marian to be ready to join us in the void (from their own home), Wendy realised it was okay now and dashed over to sit on my lap before Cherine did -I’m amused and touched by how Cherine is always just too late, she’s a real softie with regard to Wendy. My heart was full of joy and I held out my other arm to Cherine. With both of them in my arms I tried to explain to Rose what we are and what we want to do. It was as if the words flew over her head. All she did was stare at the girls in my arms and Dommi who sat cuddled up to me also.

“You are not like your father! They could not love you so much if you were!”

Her face came alive and for the first time I saw tears gathering in her dark eyes. I played a hunch, for once not needing my loves to hit me on the head with the obvious. “Rose, you’ve got something you want to tell me. Before we do anything else, I think you should tell me, especially if it is hurting you so much.”

She nodded and slowly told us her story.

My father had not wanted children. When she was pregnant with me, in reaction to the news, he had a vasectomy. Over the following years he grew colder and more distant. No tiny gesture of tenderness, no words of love. She tried to compensate by devoting herself to me. He grew angry and stopped her from ‘indulging’ me. She was at her wits end, facing as far as she could see a life empty of love, when she met Eddie. She succumbed to her need for love and slept with him.

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She found herself pregnant. There was no way she could pass the child off as being my father’s as, apart from the vasectomy, he had not touched her that way for nearly six months. She told him she wants a divorce and she will take Robert back to Ireland with her, so he can have the solitary life he wants. He told her I will be staying with him and I will never be allowed to see her once she has left. She tried to commit suicide, but he found her in time and took her to a hospital in Nairobi. From there he got a ticket for her and sent her back to Ireland, since she had no relatives in London. He never did divorce her because they were both Catholics.

She had a baby girl. (I thought to myself with pleasure, ‘I have a sister’). She had no money and no jobs were available for a woman of her age with no training or experience. She managed to earn enough for food and rent by cleaning houses. Neighbours allowed her baby girl to play and be with their kids while she was at work. When Laura was four and a half she ran out of the gate to get her ball and was hit by a car, dying three days later.

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<sup>For those readers who have not understood, when they speak using telepathy, what they say is enclosed within stars, and the thoughts exchanged are in italic.

e.g *Hi, I bet you are wishing you could read thoughts.*?</sup>

I hope you enjoy reading this story of fantasy, adventure and love. Yes, most of all, always of empathy and love.