LC_Satellite 001-Boxee (the alternate LC story)-Book 11 - post016
Post 15
“Do you wish to love? If your soul could be healed, would you want it.”
“I am where I am because I listened to wishes. I cannot be healed Robert, the fact of that is beyond wishes.”
“Not to me. Take me to the void. Do that and if I fail at least I’ll have the memory of you allowing me to try.”
“I want to come with.”
Ntchizi, Cherine and the two men went to the void. The light beings greeted them with joy and listened to Robert as he tried to explain what he wants.
*Ntchizi and Cherine accept you as the final authority on what is possible or not with our souls. I do not. No offence meant, but I refuse to believe any soul cannot be healed. Cherine will someday die and her soul will return to be born a multitude of times for as long as life remains for souls to return to. Are you saying that from now to her last incarnation she will not be able to love?
“We have never experienced a soul harmed in the ways hers is. We cannot speak for the future, all we can ascertain is that we do not know how to heal her now.”
*How does my soul generate motes of love? *
*Many aspects of the soul are a mystery to us, we cannot answer you. All we can see is that her soul cannot while yours does.*
*From what I am told you are a mono life culture and species, you have never experienced the dichotomy of the mind affected by chemicals in the body acting separately from the soul - have you? *
*That is true, you lead us to some interesting questions.*
*There will be many from my planet willing to explore those questions with you, we do not have the time to do so presently. Another question, do you have emotions? *
*We are awakening to them.*
*Our souls are alien to you whereas I presume you know your own souls. How do your souls generate those motes you greeted us with? *
They almost came to a standstill as they concentrated. With wonder they replied, *We do not find such an ability! The generation of motes we understand, how they are imbued with emotions we do not. We will them?*
Triumphantly Robert spoke to Cherine, *Do you see? Your soul was not damaged, your mind was. They convinced you that you lost your ability to create motes of love so you believed it meant you lost your ability to love. It is the other way around, the hate you experienced made you afraid of love. Your soul still creates motes, but you are afraid to feel love, so there can be no love in them. You bear the consequences of internal violence against your soul, but you only saw the symptoms, not the cause. Ntchizi, do my arguments make sense to you? *
*You cannot feel me rejoicing Robert? *
*Could you leave Cherine for a short time please? *
*I don’t want her to leave, you have no right to ask her!*
*Ntchizi, will you? I need to take your place.*
Without asking, the moment Ntchizi separated, Robert swung in a wild swirl around Cherine and then sank into her, flooding her with his motes. He strove to become one with her, but she held back, rejoicing at the taste of his love, but still unsure of herself. Robert reversed their positions so that he cradled her until they were forced to return to their bodies.
As soon as Robert opened his eyes he asked Cherine, concern in his voice, “Did you remember to bring Ntchizi back with you?”
She laughed. “She is within. Robert, thank you, it was wonderful remembering so clearly what love is like. At least I saw clearly that you do love me. I wish I could feel love for you but, whatever the reason, I cannot.”
“You will, just give me a few days.” When he thought she was about to refuse him, he quickly reiterated, “You owe it to me.”
“I owe you nothing anymore Robert.”
“Of course you do, you made a commitment and I will not be repudiated that easily. When I feared to be your friend you swore you would never leave me as long as I wanted you to stay. I want you to stay.” Arthur and Ntchizi silently cheered when Cherine capitulated.
At a time that Cherine was out, Arthur asked, “What do you plan Robert, you cannot seduce her. The way she feels at this time, love frightens her.”
He grinned at Arthur, “I intend to frighten her even more. I do not see my way clearly Arthur, the only indisputable truth I can cling to is my love for her. I am partly responsible for what has happened to her so I will not give up - she needs love and whether she loves me or another, she will have love.”
“Shouldn’t we ask a healer of the mind to join you? From what you said, it seems the problem is mostly psychological.”
“She would freeze up on us and then nobody could enter her mind. I suppose it is true that a normal would be more knowledgeable, but I can’t ask anyone, not even any of our aunts or uncles.”
“Why not Ntchizi?”
“I’ve talked with her. As well as she knows Cherine, her instincts and process of thinking and the way emotions affect her are different from ours. She fears that even a subtle mistake could damage Cherine.”
“If that is true then it is also true of you. Robert, males are a different specie to females, our thinking and emotional controls are very different.”
“I’m all she has uncle, because I’m the only one she’ll allow into her mind - apart from you.”
“Don’t even think of asking, I’m terrified of making a mistake. I’m even more alien than you are because of my age.”
Robert was silent for a moment and when he looked at Arthur again, his eyes were haunted by a spectre of fear he could not hide. “If I make a mess of it, as I’ve done with most of my life, she’ll never love me again.”
“Be cautious Robert, but don’t allow fear to be your guide. Trust in your love for her.”
The moment that terrified both Robert and Cherine (and all those who loved them) arrived. Ntchizi would remain within Cherine so as to monitor what Robert does and if she senses harm being done, she will be in place to warn him instantly. Cherine took his hand before closing her eyes.
“Robert, I went to try and bring life back to some poisoned ground and I failed. I had not realised it, but my ability to love life was the main power behind my gift. I want you to succeed, even if it means I end up loving you again.” She gave him a small smile to show him she is teasing. “I won’t be fighting you and I’ll try to help if I can.”
“Just trust me Cherine and relax, that’s all I ask.”
She closed her eyes and waited for him. When he entered she sent him a smile and unemotionally waited for him to regain the courage that he’d suddenly lost. Tentatively he approached her. *May we touch and share for a while? *
As she lay cradled within him he sent his thoughts to her. They were the memories of the day they first met, then her invasion of his private tree space and he accompanied his memories with the tenderest love imaginable. Suddenly she whimpered. *Robert, in the face of such malevolence - self destruction is easier than preservation. I am not that little girl anymore.*
He flooded her with love, the kind a man feels when he holds an infant in his arms. He felt her weeping. He halted the flow of memories and keeping his thoughts to himself he searched for the source of his emotions. He could not find it so he assumed the brightest part of his soul is the Eden they take form in and without hesitating, rushing to accomplish his goal before she senses and blocks him, he made a gift of the core of his soul to her. Cherine screamed.
Ntchizi and Arthur desperately tried to calm Cherine. They did not need an explanation, they could see and sense that all that was left of Robert was the ghost of his soul. Arthur was not far from panic, but the need to break the hysteria of Cherine gave him the courage he needed to control himself. He noticed that what remained of Robert, like early morning mist, was diffusing. He called to Cherine for her to take within her soul all of Robert before the scant concentration of his energies is lost. In a panic, Cherine did so and leapt for the void.
As the knowledge of what had been done spread among the light beings, the galaxy of wraiths seemed to shudder and ripple. Those close to the visitors danced tightly around themselves as they endeavoured to adjust to the new situation and knowledge. They came to a stop surrounding Cherine.
*We have no prior knowledge of such possibilities. The core of the soul is the life-begetter of the soul, without it that soul is delivered to final death, never to know itself again. Cherine, we grieve for both of you, for as his core is absorbed by yours, you will no longer be Cherine, the two merged cores forming a new entity.*
Ntchizi darkened in grief and pulled away. Arthur wept motes filled with his fear and sorrow. Only Cherine did not react emotionally. *I cannot grieve for the loss of myself if I am to become a part of Robert. I do grieve for Robert, he must not be lost.* She flared, blinding them all with her new power of being. *You said that ‘as he is absorbed’! Then he is not a part of me yet! Can you enter me and remove his core? *
*We have no such knowledge Cherine. The souls we save, we do not merge them with ourselves, we only hold them.*
Ntchizi moved to Cherine, the edge of her soul intruding upon that of Cherine’s. *There is some knowledge of this among our people. Rarely the soul of one of ours is drawn into the core of the soul of its Fiuremm host. We are able to part them if we react early enough. I am but one Cherine, it needs many of us, alone I will not succeed.*
Cherine asked, *Can you teach them how to help you? *
*To open myself to them, to be known by those not of my specie to the core? It frightens me.* Bravely she turned to the light beings. *Will you open yourselves to share my being? *
Cherine was convinced to allow the ghostly outer edges of Robert to be held by the light beings outside herself and then Ntchizi entered her soul, slipping through to the core without allowing a merging. Behind her slipped in a number of light beings in a string leading to those that held what was of Robert. Delicately Ntchizi began to remove what she could identify as alien to Cherine and it was passed back towards the remains of Robert.
Slowly, hour by hour he grew to take on his form.
Ntchizi wept, sharing her grief with Cherine. *I could only separate what you had not already absorbed, he will be crippled Cherine.*
*Will he be Robert, knowing himself? *
*He will, but he will be greatly weakened. Cherine, you must be careful and allow me to guide you. You have grown and new gifts and powers will flood you. You must not lose control.*
nice
Thank you.