Children are not ashamed of their bodies. Not naturally, at least. Much like cats, or dogs, or other animals, their posture is naturally relaxed, and they (at least very small children in a relatively healthy environment) display almost no signs of embarrassment or shame regarding their bodies.

Like the cat splayed out in the sunshine by the window, it is not uncommon to see a toddler or infant also sleeping or lying about in this manner, arms and legs sprawled out, facing the ceiling, with none of the self-conscious tightness so often seen in adults, even in sleep. It is not uncommon to see girls and boys alike sitting around with their legs wide open. Nobody has taught the girls yet that it is not "ladylike."

Children naturally discover their own genitals and play with them, getting a feel for their bodies. My son takes pleasure in stretching his penis out quite far (so much so that I begin to wonder if it hurts!) and laughing about it during bath time. The first time he experienced a slight erection (yes, toddlers have them, too) he seemed a little disturbed and announced to his mom and I that "My pee pee is standing up!" We promptly assured him that this was totally natural and a great thing that meant his pee pee was healthy and strong. Now every time this happens, he is sure to proudly announce it to all within earshot.

All this seems to beg the question: WHAT HAPPENED? How did we go from being so healthy and free to being shame-ridden creatures filled with all kinds of conflicting feelings and doubts about sex?

Whether your mom slapped your hand away from your genitals when you were small, or whether she gasped when you saw her naked as a 4-year-old, slamming the door and covering herself with a towel, we all get the message: The body and its inherent sexuality are things to be hidden. It is life's "dirty little secret" that everyone knows about, but which we all must--in order to be decent, "civilized" human beings--to some degree or another, pretend does not exist.

Whether you found your dad's pornographic magazines as a child and felt the rush of blood to your face (because you knew it was something "not to be seen"), or heard your cousins snickering about this or that joke that you couldn't quite understand just yet, for many of us, our "education" about sex was little more than losing the joy of the path to self-discovery nature had naturally put us on, in exchange for some bad jokes about giving blow jobs to a friend with the conveniently unlikely name of "Bubbles." (Not a Trailer Park Boys Reference, by the way!)

Don't get me wrong. I like dirty jokes, too. I am just talking grown men and women dealing with sex as if it were something "taboo," to the point were they betray themselves in doing so, as being extremely scared, insecure, and decidedly not mature, in this area.

Pastors at churches encouraging teens to "not think lustful thoughts" in the interest of preserving "dignity" or "holiness." Mullet dads with beer guts working on cars in their garage, pointing out the pictures of chicks with big titties on the wall and elbowing you in the side, but never really feeling comfortable enough with themselves to talk to their kids about sex and love and, hey, just what's it all about. Here they are, surrounded by a self-constructed shrine of tits and ass, but they are about as comfortable with their own sexuality as a nun in a male strip club, when it all comes down to it.

This is a kind of social retardation. Not only that. It is dangerous. This shame makes people feel depressed. It is my view that it is shame which leads people, at least in part, to commit heinous acts of sexual harassment, molestation, and even rape. This toxic shame I am certain, also leads many to suicide.

How I wish my mom and dad would have been more comfortable with their bodies and their sexuality in raising me. It is likely I would be a completely different person right now. Because they were ashamed, and religious, I got awkward, mixed messages about sex. I was given books on "sex education" from a nervous mother and strange jokes from a shamed father. I am angry about that. How I wish now, and how I longed then, for somebody to just sit me down and really talk to me, as someone they loved, and let me know that both me and my desires were 100% okay. To let me know I should not only not suppress my sexuality, but that I should embrace it fully and fully celebrate it one hundred percent.

With a healthy self-image comes a healthy expression of sex. With a warped self-image comes a warped expression.

I quote one of my mentors through the written word (though we never did meet), Anthony DeMello:

Any time you're practicing renunciation, you're deluded...Anytime you renounce something, you are tied forever to the thing you renounce. There's a guru in India who says, "Every time a prostitute comes to me, she's talking about nothing but God. She says I'm sick of this life that I'm living. I want God. But every time a priest comes to me he's talking about nothing but sex." Very well, when you renounce something, you're stuck to it forever.

Without sex, none of us would be here. Tits are great. Ass is great. Penises are wonderful. Vaginas are lovely, and the path by which nearly all human beings enter the world. Looking at the human body, it is such a wonderful thing. Why do so many wish to suppress their own beautiful and flowing sexuality, damming up the rivers of life? Well, in part because they are afraid of it. I know I am. I am afraid of life itself and thus I am afraid of the life force within myself. How can I just "let it loose?" Won't I go crazy!?

The takeaway for today's post is this: Sexuality is not to be controlled. It is to be expressed healthily.

The more I suppress these feelings, doubts, urges, shameful feelings, and questions, the more power they have over me. The more I accept these feelings, and accept myself, and express these things, the more my sexuality takes its place as a very natural and beautiful part of my life. And it is something to be very proud of. We are all sexual beings, and that is beautiful. Smashing natural things down because we think they are "shameful" or "unnatural" just results in a distorted and unhealthy view of ourselves and our place on this planet.

So what is "healthy" expression? Come on. I'm a Voluntaryist. You already know the answer to this. Healthy expression is that which does not violate the self-ownership of any other human being.

Thank you for joining me on this journey. Here are the informal video notes:

~KafkA

If you missed the first installment, you can read it here

Next, in Part III, I plan to talk about masturbation and auto-erotic behavior.

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Graham Smith is a Voluntaryist activist, creator, and peaceful parent residing in Niigata City, Japan. Graham runs the "Voluntary Japan" online initiative with a presence here on Steem, as well as Facebook and Twitter. Hit me up so I can stop talking about myself in the third person!