How To Lose A Girl In One Date

Anyone who’s ever read Cosmo knows there is a lot of dating advice out there. Sometimes knowing what NOT to do is as important as knowing what to do. Many warriors have stood at the entrance of VagHalla only to have the gates of Assgard slammed in their face because they went into battle armed with advice they got from their asshole older brother.

Don’t talk about your ex. I had a friend who was one of those guys who could walk into a room and be best friends with everyone in ten minutes. He could charm the tail off a rattlesnake. Anytime we went out he would be surrounded by girls. The only problem is he was head over heels for this girl who he had dated for five minutes and got to the friend zone. He would talk about her all night until every girl at the table drifted away from his patheticness. He’d basically tell any girl who would listen that someone had seen everything he has to offer and came to the conclusion he wasn’t worth it. Also, don’t talk shit about your ex. All the new girl is hearing is that you have drama and she’s wondering how long it is until you are talking shit about her at the bar. If the subject of exes comes up just shrug it off and say something like, “It didn’t work out” or, “I’m friends with all my exes.” This will lull the girl into thinking you aren’t the train wreck you actually are. If all she wants to do is talk about her ex, even negatively, she’s probably still in love with him.

Speaking of talking shit. Don’t do it at all. When you try to raise yourself up by putting someone else down your ego might be getting pumped up but the girl across from you isn’t impressed. You just look like a dick. Being an asshole to your waiter on a date is the mating call of the douche bag. If you find a girl who is into that; either you are a piece of shit who met their piece of shit soul mate, or you are about to enter a relationship that ends with your car getting keyed.

Speaking of egos. Don’t brag about yourself. People are going to come to a conclusion about you whether you say anything about yourself or not. Bragging about your car or what school you went to just makes it look like you are trying to sell yourself; or worse, compensating for something. The best thing to do is to be quietly confident. If you don’t give her a reason to think you are a jackass she’ll assume you must be a decent bloke by default. Remember the old saying, “Better to be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt. The more she knows about the less mystery there is. Imagine you’ve been dating for three months, you take her out to a French restaurant and order in French. You never mentioned you spoke French before and now she’s over here thinking, “How many layers does this onion have? I should suck that onion’s dick.”

Speaking of being confident. Chicks dig cocky dudes. They say they don’t, but they do. Nothing is sexier than confidence. Girls are looking for guys who have their shit together because they are fucking crazy and need someone to cling to when estrogen is making them break down crying because there are too many cups in the sink. There’s a fine line between confident and jackass, though. This is basic human psychology. It’s like Freud said, “People don’t generally like assholes.”

Moving too fast. Everyone wants to hear “I love you,” just not on the first date. It’s fucking creepy. Nothing dries up a vagina like being clingy. Women have teacup Chihuahuas to fill their need for desperate affection. If you do this and she’s cool with it, you either just met your co-dependent soul mate or you are about to enter into a relationship that ends with your car getting keyed.

This blog is part of my “Girlfriend Survival Guide” series that I plan on turning into a book. I’m going to do at least one more post on this topic. If you have any suggestions on this topic or other topics you’d like to see covered please leave a comment.

Shoutout to @nataliejohnson for giving me the idea for this post. Go to her page and give her attention.