She stood close to me, looking up into my eyes. Her pupils dilated, she whispered her thanks to me and asked me if there was anything I wanted.

You have to understand, this is the woman that I wanted badly. This is the woman that I was stupidly in love with...I hadn't even kissed her yet. She was physically perfect...long black hair, a delicious body with a full bosom, and the most most beautiful black eyes I have ever seen (actually, she had one of the two sets of most beautiful...I had, of course, fallen in love with the bearer of the other set, too. Funny how THAT works, ne?). But it was much more than that...I had watched her fight to try save her marriage, provide her kids with a good life, and rebuild her own life after her divorce. I knew she was strong. I knew we shared a lot of values about hard work and responsibility.She was smart, something that I demand in my soulmate. She enjoyed life, and when we danced, I knew she was the one. I have had a LOT of women in my arms, and fat, skinny, ugly, or hot, they ALL felt good in my arms...she felt RIGHT in my arms.

And yet, I said good night and left.

I'll be damned if I wasn't screaming inside. I knew by this time that I would be fighting the Deep State, and that I wasn't going to put her in danger...well, to be honest, I was in an intense internal debate about this, changing my mind every ten minutes.

But, that didn't matter

Right, or wrong, that had been a perfect moment, and regardless of whether it would have been best for her, I would have swept her up and carried her into the bedroom right then and there.

The sore on my pubis said NO.

Herpes

Let me tell you how herpes feels like at it's worst.

Somebody shoves a needle into your flesh. A line of ants marches up and down that needle, biting you at every step. It is painful, it itches, and there is a "crawly" feeling to the itching.

Past the sores, you lose energy and there is a tendency towards depression.

Luckily, you can kind of sense an oncoming breakout. I'm not sure how to describe the feeling. Most of the time, in addition, prior to the outbreak my masturbatory fantasies turn to an area that normally I would be disgusted with (a neurochemical response to protect women?). I know that when I start having those fantasies, the sores will soon pop up. Sometimes, I'll dream of having herpes the night before an outbreak.

I get breakouts one to three times a year.

Dating with herpes

The herpes is probably the biggest reason that I go slow with women as far as dating goes. I'm not good at picking up women, but they have thrown themselves at me in the past...

As long as

• I know I'm safe (I haven't had preliminary signs, or having waited 10 days since the sores have cleared)
• I know I'm not interested in the woman past sex

...then I caught them ;> (sometimes; I am kind of stupid at picking up signals LOL)

I don't think I have given herpes to anyone...except for one friend of mine that, when we were both younger, flew down from NY to play bondage fun and games with me. And even then, we were careful, and she told me she thinks she caught it from someone else. So I mark her down as a maybe.

The main point is that I usually tell a woman that I am serious about that I have herpes before I kiss her. Maybe that is bending too far over backwards, but I don't think so. I don't want a woman that isn't honest with me, and I am honest past a fault.

If she kicks me to the curb for having it, I see no reason she would be any less happy if i told her AFTERWARDS

How did I catch it?

A bargirl in the Philippines. I should have known something was wrong as she didn't let me go down on her. Guess what? I used a rubber, and the original sores popped up at the base of Little Steve.

I was very lucky in that I didn't infect my asawa-asawa (my "mistress", the bargirl I had shacked up with). The timing was right. I was being transferred to Okinawa (my CO thought I was planning to marry my asawa-asawa, which should clue you into the kind of lunkhead we get our zeros from ;>), and I managed to avoid sex with her til I left. Made much more easy as she was on her period.

Life aint over

I have had it for 30 years. It didn't kill me. I haven't infected anyone else (one maybe)

Because so many people do have it, there is a school of thought that says don't worry about it, that we should be sex positive (whatever the fuck that means)

Fuck that noise

Because it is permanent, and because it has emotional effects, and because it has social effects, those of us of that have it need to be very careful about informing partners unless we are sure we aren't spreading it.

That goes double for people we care about. You care about them by being honest with them, and giving them a choice as to whether they risk it or not.

The woman I was talking about at the beginning? I had already told her I had it. Yes, I was going doubly slow with her because of the unsurety in my plans for the future. But I still got out of there at that moment, and I'm not sure if it was cowardice or self-discipline. I think the decision was right.

Good timing, this was playing as I finished the post..think it goes well here

An index of sex writing (I gotta admit, this area is more prolific that I thought)

• Normal
  Sex and the Single Steve
  Sex and The Single Steve, Part II...OR...an intro to the Sexual Red Pill
  Why do women like being spanked? Happy Valentine's Day!
  Most people choose Love over Duty
  Some Advice for Young Men (some of which is applicable to the Young Ladies as well)

• Abnormal
  A Short Discussion on Pyschopathy and Sexual Sadism - PCL-R and SSSS
  A witchhunt or a misunderstanding? The bottom line on Steemit censorship - Deals with child porn
  Sexual Deviance and Community Response (Steemit or Otherwise)

• From when I made adult entertainment (NSFW)
  Snow White and the Bad Wizard

---

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Home To Texas: Recollections of a Texas Badman

The Effects Of Hoover's Bureaucratic Tactics On COINTELPRO Operations

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