8 ways to have deeper relationships with people

I'm on a road to self-improvement myself, and wanted to share some of my notes I've collected from various books, articles, and videos.

1. Find positive people.
Next time you're with a group of people, take note of who listens more than they speak. They know their agenda, and they want to learn.

2. Don't spend more than 30% of the time talking about yourself.
If you ask more about the other person, they will actually be more interested in you. Always aim to learn something from someone.

3. Initiate contact first.
Many people share the same fear of initiation and wait for someone else to invite them or talk to them. Just because they don't talk to you or ask you to do something doesn't mean they don't like me. You probably do the same thing to people; it's very possible they struggle with the same issues.

4. Don't be an energy vamp
An energy vamp is someone who is always looking for people to give them energy. Texting "what are you doing?" shows that you're looking for someone else to entertain you.

Instead, add value to their life rather than taking it.
One way is to entertain them. Instead of saying "I'm sooo bored" when they ask what you're doing, try sending them a funny gif and saying "feeling a bit like this right now".

5. Instead of "no problem", say "happy to help"
Ex: You pick up a friend from the airport and they say thanks. You could say "of course, you're a good friend so I'm happy to help".

This is a way to show that you're doing something because you value them, rather than you just doing it because it wasn't out of the way.

6. When someone is upset, ask: do you want my advice, or just want to vent?
Most of the time, they just want to vent, and just want someone to listen. By asking this, you are being more respectful and attentive to their needs and wishes, rather than just bombarding them with advice they may not even want.

7. You deserve to speak up when you feel wronged. Otherwise, it will pop up again later.
Brushing things under the rug is a temporary solution. Ignoring and saying “why get into it” always pops back up later on. So when someone has hurt you, misled you, or done something that in any way made you feel bad? You’re allowed to say so. The only way to find resolution is to actually look for it. This helps avoid problems in the future, and creates a relationship built on honesty and open conversation.

8. Try these quesitions:

1. When was the last time you sang to yourself and to another person?
2. If you could change one thing about how you grew up, what would it be?
3. Describe your life story in about 1 minute
4. What one thing do you feel most grateful about?
5. Do you have a death hunch?

These are some that spark great conversation and allow you to learn more about someone through their answers.