The problem (and solution) with self help guides.

in #self-improvement7 years ago (edited)

Only god knows the amount of self help I consumed.
while it always gave me reassurance and comfort,
most of it had never set roots in my system.
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I understand that it's the same with many people.
I think there are mainly two reasons why this happens:

It feels good to consume self help.

When you see/read all about how you could get better at,
let's say, being more confident, it makes you simulate
that achievement in your mind, and it feels really good.
you could say it also boosts your mood, like a little dopamine rush.
in the end what happens is that you don't train on the topic.
dealing with confidence in your life is too hard to execute, but
watching a video about it seems like a good, convenient, solution.

this leads me to reason number 2:

There is a huge amount of self help content out there.

so what happens is this: you come back to youtube, and you find yourself
watching a self help video about something completely else and become
invested in it. So now, on top of the fact that self help content is satisfying,
you have LOADS of it on the net. the last thing we need is a scatter-brain.
usually change happens slowly, with persistence, not a rapid change of intent.

...What do we do?

Well, half the solution is knowing the problem, so if you are a self help junky,
by the time you read this, you probably know it. that's good news!

I know that it is hard to choose just one area, but in my opinion,
this is what you have to do.
if you don't know what to choose, i'll give you a suggestion:
Choose something that you deal with on a daily basis
the reason for that is simple: you have more opportunities to train.

The next step is this: do just a tiny bit of training for a small amount of time.
this is a crucial step, because it allows easier persistence.

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let's say you want to get better at storytelling.
the video has three main points:

  1. Take the listener to the same emotional journey you had when storytelling
  2. Have a mystery to keep listener engaged
  3. Have a lesson at the end for personal development

telling 10 stories a day and trying to execute all 3 points every
time correctly will lead to exhaustion, and chances are that
you are going to stop training very soon.

instead:
Tell 2 stories a day and try to execute just 1 point.
This allows you to be persistent about the process and
not lose your power.

after a week of training like that - get something new to the mix.
maybe make it 4 stories a day. a week later make resume to 2
stories per day, but try and combine taking the listener through the
same emotional journey you had, and maintaining mystery to
keep them engaged (combination of point 1 and 2).

If you manage to pace yourself this way - you are heading towards success.

In Conclusion

When it's easy to persist, persistence couples with habit.
remember that life is a journey and growth takes time.
don't over-achieve when it's persistence you are after.

Thanks for reading this post from yours truly,
if you don't know me yet, check out my introduction post

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It takes a remarkable amount of repetition before things "take." And it takes even more if the "healing alternative" isn't more attractive than the current habit... which is often. Not because we don't recognize a path to healing but because we get super comfortable in our destructive patterns... and the (new) way out feels awkward and unnatural... even if it will be awesome three months from now.

It's sad and true, a good thing that I see today is that more people recognize their destructive behavior as such, and it's because general knowledge about destructive behavior is more common now.
so more people get to decide or at least get concerned early enough about it.

this leaves in many people in trouble - those who know about the dangers, don't feel the consequences, and are too comfortable to change.. I think that is where Influencers need to chime in. one form of influence is youtube self help guides, and that's why I think it's important to know about the dangers of getting comfortable watching them and doing nothing. Youtube self help influencers are great in my opinion because besides giving solutions/patterns to work on - they try to infect you with positive emotion and good hope in healing.

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