Seablue Journal: The end of May. Where am I?

I was writing in my paper journal today. The first time I've written something since May 5th. I concluded from this that my life is lacking some purposeful goals.

It has been evident for some time that I've been expending energy in all directions and not really pushing forward towards a tangible goal. Many of my expenditures have been towards sensate gratification of my immediate desire.

I wrote in my journal of the necessity of making some goals that are not immediate. Goals that aspire to achieve something in the future. Something of a more lasting nature than the ephemeral desire of instant gratification.

I've been consuming 'things', rather than creating 'things'. I won't beat myself up about it. I'm reminding myself every day to turn around and go another way. The habits of a lifetime are hard to break. Industry and conscientiousness have not been the habits of my lifetime. I've spent many hours in idle introspection and dedicated significant energies to avoiding pain and suffering. What I've learned very late in life though, is that there is no avoiding the struggles of life. They simply build up and become crushing in their weight. They can become immobilizing forces.

I've begun many years ago to turn myself around. Journaling and goal setting was integral to that process. Looking back on the intermittent nature of my journaling over the past two years reveals my lack of purposeful goals. I have goals, but I haven't defined what the end game is. I can accumulate cryptocurrency, but what am I accumulating it for? These are the things I need to define for myself.