Seablue Journal: Finding the Self.

'The War of Art', by Steven Pressfield, is a book that I stumbled upon recently that has infused me with new energy. Its subject matter has to do with the recognition of 'resistance' in our creative endeavor. I know the creative force is within me, but why have I not been able to fully embrace it? What keys to puzzle have I been missing?

The book answers that question for me. It draws from a concept identified by Carl Jung, and described as the 'Death Wish'. Resistance, as the book describes this concept, is that destructive force within us all that stops us from achieving our full potential. A battle between the Ego and the Self. The Ego often being the self destructive force that stands in the way of our souls journey. My own Ego has been winning the war against my creativity for long periods in my life. There have been moments of triumph and moments of defeat.

As soon as I began to listen to the audio, I knew I had found a key that would unlock a door, that had been closed to me for so long. Wisdom flowed from the narrative, deep into my soul and was calling me forth to action. My Ego immediately began to attack, and a flood of insecurities, excuses and evasions began to assail my souls stirring. “So soon!”, I thought. How quickly the 'Death Wish' comes upon me.

A new vision of Self was taking form however, and now I must nurture it. I must tap into the power of connection with the archetypal forces now restless within me. Resistance was the call to action. Resistance was now the way to go. It was the force calling me to battle. I knew again, as I had really known all along, that it was my daily foe. It was a life long battle that would never end. I could expect no mercy from enemy on the battlefield. Its goal was to kill me, and I should be ruthless in seeking to do the same.

One of the chapters speaks of the idea of being an amateur in a creative journey or being a professional. I have to be honest with myself and confess my amateur status. I very often chose the path of least resistance. I wrote only when the writing came easily. What a weak soldier I was. I would only battle the Ego if the weather was fine, or I had a full stomach, or if I felt like it. If I was a professional, I would write like my life depended on it. I would sit every day at my appointed time, and seek to invoke the Muse by force of action. I would pick up my sword each day and slay my enemy in the arena.

In the past I did not do so. Recently I have moved house, though. Old routines that reinforced my avoidance of resistance where gone. In my new surrounding, developing new routines, I found myself free. Free to recreate a new path. To bring to bear the ideas I have always known where true, but had buried deep, because of the fear that I may become something. Something I would not recognize. Something that was more powerful than I could bear. The fear of being successful. The fear of reaching my potential. The fear of taking the blows in the arena of combat. The shame of losing. The clinging to status and approval from others.

I have reminded myself that it is a solitary battle. The battle between who I am and what I could be. What I should be. Providence has brought me to the place where I can now redefine my strategy. A place where I can connect with Life. Where Life pushes itself into my consciousness on a daily basis.

In the 'War of Art' I must step up to the battlefield on a daily basis, and bring my creations into being for my own sake. These are the potentials for me alone. It is not for the recognition, approval or even disapproval. It is the battle to become my true Self. The flower of my own creation and the embodiment of my full potential. And so I bring my sword into battle today and write like my life depended on it. I pray that this might help you too today, dear reader. Go to war for your art and slay resistance. Confront it wherever you find it.