Seablue Journal: Excuses (A conversation with myself)

The ego says, "I'm too old. Nobody will like my writing. I better go to the cigar store. I need some ice-cream. I've worked long enough, I should watch some Netflix."

The Self replies,

"I'm too old?"

At what point does your age become a hindrance to your level of activity today? Not today! That's for sure. Should you give up now, because in 30 years you'll be too frail to get out of bed?

I'm pretty certain you can stay alive into your 80's. I've seen many people live that long with worse health than yours. Maybe you'll only reach your 70's, but that's 16 years away!

Perhaps you should just sit quietly and wait for that time to arrive. To accept the comforting embrace of death. The cessation of all striving. The end of all tears and suffering.

No! That is a weak idea. You're only now coming into your greatest potential. All that aimless lurching about in your youth has passed. A force of will and purpose is only now just taking shape. Suck it up snowflake! Life is not meant to be easy, but it might just mean something.

No. You're not too old. You've got plenty of time.

"Nobody will enjoy my writing?"

Who are you writing for?

Why do you care whether people like what your writing?

Are you writing for others? There are too many others out there and they have an infinite number of interests. You have one finite space to fill. Fill the damn page and get it done. Let the others write for themselves. You write for yourself. Write about the things that are meaningful and relevant to you.

You shouldn't care if people don't like your writing. You're not that good at it! You've only just begun. This is the third day. Ask this question in ten years when you've been practicing on a daily basis. See how many people like your writing then. Your professional writer badge can be revoked at any moment. The requisite actions are still to follow to keep the badge. Keep writing till you get paid. Then you can keep the badge.

"I better go to the cigar store?"

No! You've got a whole packet of pipe tobacco and you've already spent enough money on cigars over the last six months. Rein in that vice. Put the money away in savings and buy that cryptocurrency at the bottom of the market. The time has come to smoke fewer cigars. There will be more cigars at the top of the market and they will be that much sweeter taste when your rich and prosperous.

"I need some ice-cream?"

Ice-cream is not a need. It is a luxury, just like cigars. Less ice-cream means more money. More money means more cryptocurrency at cheap prices. More cryptocurrency at cheap prices means exultation and elation beyond measure at finally emerging into a world of financial independence. A world where you will not be seen as a burden, or a millstone around the neck of others. A world where people feel safe to know you because you won't suck the energy from their existence. Delay that gratitude. Revel in the discipline. Don't be a leech on other people.

"I've worked long enough?"

You're a lazy ass son of a bitch who has avoided working hard your entire life. And you've paid for it too! You don't know what hard work is or what it can bring you. Energy and action are the first pillars of prosperity. You can't think the words on to the page. They need to be typed!

"I better go write something?"

Now you're talking! Write whatever you like. Run the race and cross the finish line. The day will end in triumph and the gods will be pleased with your sacrifice.

And so the task was done. The Muse was met and the love was rekindled. This fractal is my gift to her today.