Yggdrasil Highway Saga: Hillbilly Gawds, Company 'C', and the Kidnapping of Hell's Kittens
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ASGARD
Not only is the universe stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine. Sir Arthur Eddington. An English astronomer (1882 - 1944)
…......Sir Arthur was unaware of the Meta-verse.
In the beginning
A very long time ago,
by human standards,
in a another Universe.
It’s all about how you look at things. It depends upon perspective. For example, from the perspective of a group of ultra high-tech, almost god like, hillbillies.
“Pa....sume-a ooff zeem loo rent treeeler tresh frum ecruss zee vey dune-a stule-a sume-a ooff yuoor cheeckens”
(Pa....some of them low rent trailer trash from across the way done stole some of your chickens)
...Frigg told Odin one day.
They were in Valhalla, one of the Aesir’s Special purpose Dyson Sphere’s. Odin had been amicably chatting and laughing with his son Thor over a meal, something about Loki, Duva and a goat, Odin frowned at the disquieting news....
“I theenk zeey dune-a ooferstepped zeeur buoondereees Ma. I theenk it’s teeme-a und pest teeme-a thet ve-a du sumetheeng ebuoot zeem....permunently”
(I think they done overstepped their boundaries Ma. I think it’s time and past time that we do something about them....permanently)
Odin looked to Thor.
Thor took a swig of mead, swallowed and contemplated briefly. Strategy and tactics going through his head. He nodded to Odin.
“I’ll Cell oooot zee buys...Ve-a reede-a et devn”
“ I’ll call out the boys...We ride at dawn”
And so it was that at dawn a small band of warriors led by Odin descended upon the chicken thief encampment . Thor was in his chariot with Mjollnir ready at hand. Odin rode with him carrying the spear gungnir. The chariot was pulled by Tanngniost and Tanngrisnir.
Thus they engaged the enemy and did Thor smite the miscreants on the jaw and did break their teeth. In similar fashion did Odin wreak terrible havoc among the foe as did likewise their companions in arms. They did rape, pillage and burn. They even got the order right. Such was their fervor that not one stone of the enemy fortifications was left upon another. The chicken thieves were destroyed root and branch. Only a very few, led by their clan leader Surt, escaped.
“Hoo’d it gu Pa? ”
“How’d it go Pa?”
Frigg asked when Odin returned. She handed her husband a horn of mead.
“Ve-a vhoopped zeeur ess”
We whupped their ass”
Odin said before draining the horn in one mighty draught.
“Zeey vun’t be-a steeleeng uny cheeckens frum eruoond here-a egeeen unyteeme-a suun”
They won’t be stealing any chickens from around here again anytime soon.
That …...was one way of looking at it. It might not have happened EXACTLY that way, but close.
Seen from the perspective of the Chicken Thieves however.
The gigantic invading war crafted floated vigilantly in the gravity dimple. In other parallel universes there were planets at this corresponding location, in this particular universe there was no planet, only the gravity. The Battle Group used it as an anchor.
Scant time units ago it’s fleet of raiders had returned with great booty. The crew were reveling in self congratulation when the alarms sounded.
A huge armada was descending upon them in retaliation for their depredations.
The two forces engaged. Horrendous engines of destruction were brought to bear. Inconceivable energies like unto that of supernovae were unleashed. The conflict continued until the retaliating force brought into play a doomsday weapon, dirigible planetesimals, and a very great many of them, comprised of strange matter. This would be the end of the invaders.
No phraseology is sufficient to describe the magnitude nor sheer destruction of the holocaust that ensued. Such was the titanic forces unleashed that a world from another universe was sucked thru the wormhole entire, like a pumpkin thru a garden hose. For a brief instant the remnants of the invading fleet co existed in the same time and place as that of the kidnapped planet, then the planet tried to explode. Other forces would not have it. The planet was not allowed to explode nor fragment, it merely expanded in size then collapsed upon itself. It wasn’t even a decent implosion, just a ‘slump’, like a cake in the oven.
The conquerors returned home in satisfaction. The null point was no longer null. The dimple was now a mound. In it’s place was a super-jovian sized mass of incandescent wreckage, rapidly coalescing into a high gravity addition to the gravity stack.
These ruins of the co-mingled galactic invasion fleet and the kidnapped planet was unique. Fantastically tall mountains and continental sized mesa’s rose to incredible heights above deep valley’s and vast lowlands and immense seas. The highlands were too tall to exist in nature, but they had alloy skeletons made from the hulls of the invading fleet.
Space time was abnormal there. There were many more planetary portals developed than was normal for any natural planet.
Over time life appeared. Where it came from is open to speculation. Perhaps the life was created and planted by the gods? Gods , in particular Loki have been known to do stranger things. Some life, perhaps much life, no doubt was accidentally transferred via the gates. Whatever the case the life adapted.
Strange life.
Chapter 1 : Yankee Doodle Not So Dandy
The Wagon Train had stopped for a nooning. It was time to rest and water the livestock. Company C naturally stopped with them. Marching across the desert from California through the Utah territory was tough. Tough on livestock, tough on men and tough on equipment. If proper care wasn’t taken men and livestock died and equipment broke. It was best to be careful. The land they were traveling through was so rugged that the wagon-master had just called a stop. They didn’t even bother to get off the trail. They’d all just stopped. All the wagon stock, the civilian oxen and the military contract mules, were either unhitched and led down to the small stream or water was brought to them in buckets.
The stock was encouraged to drink all the water they wanted so this break would be longer than usual. The water barrels were also filled . This was possibly the last water for a long, long ways. The mountains were rugged here but there was water unlike the plains ahead.
Once they got out of the mountains and entered the Great Basin there would be no water. There wouldn’t be any water for a few days. It was best to take advantage of what they had while they had it.
All the army wagons, the two gun carriages and many of the civilian conveyances were lined up waiting to re-hitch. Guards were posted to keep an eye on things but really, what could there be to be concerned about in all this desert? The soldiers that didn’t have guard duty did what normal humans always do. They exercised their god given right to bitch.
The men enjoyed the bull sessions. They dispersed into small groups , pulled out their pipes and tobacco and “lit em up”.
In one of the groups a troopie asked. “Sergeant, why in the blazes is Company C, of all the companies that the regiment has at its disposal, being ordered to march through this God forsaken part of the Utah territory? I mean, it’s just gold. Not like it’s the first gold caravan to cross the continent, right? Aren't there hired guns for this sort of thing?”
Corporal Stetson groaned as he wiped sweat off his soaked brow. He smelled like he hadn't bathed in a month, probably because he hadn't.
The Sergeant carefully cut a sliver from a plug of tobacco then rubbed it. By rubbing the sliver he caused the compressed tobacco to separate into shreds. He carefully stuffed the shreds into his pipe bowl.
“As for why we're walking along with this caravan hauling a gold shipment in the middle of the godforsaken desert is because a few of the most recent shipments haven't been making it back to east. We suspect that there are bandits intercepting them. We’ve heard tell it might be the Wild Bunch. Others speculate it was the James Gang. Still other say it’s Mexican raiders. The Mexicans have been fractious lately. We’re going to have to do something about that one of these days.”
“No survivors of those caravans have been located...all that’s been found are mummified bodies in the desert.. you should be happy that we are taking the southern route, all the missing caravans were up north.”
Sgt. Hobbs puffed on his pipe for a bit to keep it going. Pipes required attention.
“We’re lucky we’re taking the southern route for another reason. That’s why we accidentally met up with this civilian train of Mormons. They were afraid the northern trail over Donner Pass was snowed in so they came this way. They are under our protection until we get back to Salt Lake.”
Then again maybe we’re under THEIR protection. Some of these boys are from the Mormon Battalion, and they’ve seen plenty of action. Don’t mess with them. I’d not even look crossways at their women folk if I were you. It might be fatal.”
Sgt.Hobbs was a platoon Sergeant, even though he was an NCO he wasn’t above a little gossip. He liked a good story as much as the next guy. That might be one of the reasons he got along so well with the troops. His men would follow him into hell. Actually they had. This dessert was damn hot.
“It’s not likely that we'll run into any Outlaws out here.”
he continued blowing a thick cloud of smoke,
”If we do we’re supposed to protect the train , and the gold.”
“Command figures that since we're the regiment’s best company, and that they got us two of them Gatling guns, and special Gatling guns at that, and plenty of ammo, then we oughta be able to handle just about any confederate force or bandits that we might encounter.”
“And if we can’t?”
Jackson and Stetson both asked at the same time.
“Then you'll be dying honorably for your country.”
replied the Sergeant.
Chapter 2: A Very Difficult Child Birth
Sophie Gunderson groaned almost to the point of screaming. Giving birth in a bouncing wagon hurt. Another arrow hissed into the rear of the wagon and stuck into the wagon seat. If the arrow had been another few inches higher it would have stuck into the back of her husband who was driving the wagon. As it happened it almost parted the hair of the midwife.
Isabel Holder was the midwife. She was a self admitted “tough old broad”. After almost being hit by an arrow, again, she felt that she’d be willing to trade a little bit of “tough” for a little bit more “secure.”
Then again, going from California to Salt Lake Utah wasn’t easy. If it was easy anyone could do it. About that time she heard a voice.
“Ma'am...that’s the second arrow I seen go in the wagon. Are ya’ll gonna be alright? Should I close the opening?” said the outrider.
“No thank you Willie” she shouted over the noise of the rapidly moving wagon “you're a good lad to be asking, but I need the light to deliver this baby. My old eyes can’t manage in the dark. You might see to the driver though. He almost got an arrow in the back”.
“I certainly will Ma’am” shouted the outrider..
“Hold on dear...push...take a deep breath and push”
Isabel chanted. She was exhausted. She couldn’t imagine how exhausted the girl was. This was Sophie’s first baby and likely to be her last. It wasn’t going well and it hadn’t been going well for almost two days now.
Sophie’s screams had brought the Indians down on them. They were curious as to why a women should be screaming. One of the men had panicked and shot an Indian. It hadn’t been lethal but that one shot turned curiosity into hostility. The Indians responded instantly with arrows. They got him. Luckily the idiot dropped his rifle inside, onto the wagon floor, before he fell outside the wagon. They had that much in their favor...the indians didn’t get the rifle.
Perhaps Sophie’s husband had thought that his friend was dead, or perhaps he wasn’t that much of a friend. Regardless, he whipped up the oxen and they ran away, for certain, very low, values of “run” leaving him lying, bleeding, in the dust.
Oxen don’t move very fast. They got away though, for a while, the Indians attention was on the fallen man.
Unfortunately for him he wasn’t dead, yet. It took him almost a day to die. He screamed a lot while he was dying. The Indians were vastly amused. It’s amazing what can be done to a human body with knives and fire. This band of young bucks were clumsy. Squaws or older warriors could have made the the unfortunate prisoner last MUCH longer. The Indians were disappointed that he died so soon. They recalled from watching their elders torture their captives that strong men usually last much longer.
Either that guy wasn’t very strong or they just needed more practice. Hoping for more entertainment, and perhaps booty, the Indians followed the wagon. It’s trail was clear as day to them. Oxen weren’t very fast pulling a wagon and hadn’t gone very far. It was easy for the Indians to catch them, and get shot at again. This time one was killed. Isabel was a dead shot with the dead man’s rifle and she was afraid of Indians.
Approaching the wagon while it wasn’t moving was a bad idea, but these weren’t very smart Indians. One dead Indian wasn’t enough so they tried again. The surviving white men weren’t very smart either, nor were they very good shots. In this instance they didn’t need to be. They were shooting at a clear target from a stationary wagon from a gun rest. It would be hard to miss. Isabel was a good shot. Three Indians went down this time, two injured and one dead. That made two for Isabel.
It had been all fun and game until now. The Indians were no longer kidding. There would be no more mister nice guy. Now it was war.
The Indians, however, had just learned respect for the white man’s weapon. They wanted no part of being shot at by three rifles from a prepared stationary location. They’d hang back, harass a bit, and wait their chances. They’d shoot arrows from a distance and from behind cover. The lone wagon was trying to make a run for it but that wasn’t going to happen. There was a river just ahead. The wagon wouldn’t be able to cross.
After dark they could close in unseen and shoot from cover, no need to risk themselves being shot again. The party of young bucks were finally wising up. The survivors were that is. With luck they could make this last for days. They’d never had a white woman. This could be very entertaining.
Isabel tried not to think about the Indians, mostly. She was busy. She had a baby to deliver. Things weren’t looking too good. She kept her hand near the old pepperbox pistol. She wasn’t going to fall captive to the Indians.
She just wasn’t.
“Mother Mary, Jesus and Joseph!!!...what in tarnation is THAT?”
Isabel wished he’d not do that. Saying stuff like that ruined her concentration. Not only was it heretical and blasphemous and other religious stuff but now she was all over curious. Unfortunately she was busy and couldn’t be bothered . Sophie screamed again and started coughing.
What in tarnation is THAT, was Lamar Perdenales astride his Buffalo “Jed” .
Lamar was cursing himself. Any sensible person would have run AWAY from the sound of gunshots. Not him...nooo, he was never sensible. That might explain why he was riding a damn buffalo instead of a horse. Of course, he’d need a might damn big horse and this was an unusual buffalo. Unusually big. The story about how he came to have this big critter was interesting. It also involved him running TO when any sensible person would run AWAY. Come to think, it happened near here.
Oh. Well.
Still grumbling and mumbling to himself Lamar crested a hill and found himself smack in the middle of an Indian War Party.
Jed, the giant buffalo, was in a bad mood. That is to say, situation normal. Jed was always in a bad mood. Jed was the most even tempered critter Lamar had ever come across, he was pissed off ALL the time.
That was bad news for the band of young Indians that were stopped in the trail. Jed and Lamar crested the hill at full gallop. Not only did the young bucks get trampled, they got gored. Jed used his horns. Jed LOVED to use his horns. Jed was nasty. Mostly. Oddly enough he was strangely gentle on some occasions, to certain people.
This wasn’t one of those occasions and those poor Indians weren’t any of those people. Jed plowed through those poor boys like a bowling ball through a plate glass window. A bomb might as well have gone off in their midst to look at what Jed did to them. Jed left death and destruction in his wake. He really LIKED to use his horns. Several horses were down and more Indians. There were going to be some empty Teepees somewhere tonight.
Jed kept going. He didn’t even bother to look back.
It wasn’t very far till they crested another hill and come upon the wagon. The wagon was in pitiful shape. Lamar thought he heard a baby crying but it was hard to be sure over the sound of the horses screaming and the oxen bawling. Those damn tenderfeet had hit the stream running full tilt. The first pool of water that they tried to cross at break neck speed had mossy rocks in it and holes. The animals that didn’t break their legs immediately slipped and fell.
One rider was face down in a pool of water with his horse laying on top of him. Neither the the horse nor the man were breathing. The other man, the wagon driver had just kept going when the wagon had stopped. He too, was face down underwater. It looked like he’d been stepped on. The water around him was red.
Obviously neither man had survived. Few of the animals were going to survive either. The sound of a baby crying came from inside the wagon. Lamar reined Jed to a halt beside the wagon, dismounted and looked inside from the rear. It didn’t take him a real long time to see what was inside because he instantly dodged to one side and dropped to the ground.
The sound of the gunshot rang out and smoke billowed out. The shot had just missed him. That had been way too close. Maybe stopping to help had been a bad idea. Lamar heard the ‘click’ of a gun being cocked so he shouted.
“Don’t shoot ma'am. I mean you no harm”
“You speak English?” came the startled cry from inside the wagon.“Are you a white man?”
“Yes and no. We’ll discuss my pedigree some other time ma’am’, if you please” Lamar grumbled as he cautiously peeked thru the opening in the rear of the wagon again, speak English indeed. ”Right now we need to get out of here. There’s a band of pissed off Injuns right behind me.”
Isabel just stared at the grey bearded black face, her mouth hangin’ open. The apparition spoke good English with a Texas drawl yet was wearing octagonal sunglasses. She felt faint. Obviously she was going insane.
“See to it then. I’m not in the mood for this kind of thing. I have a newborn baby and it’s momma to take care of. Do what you need to do and don’t bother me” she snapped and put down her pepperbox pistol as she turned back to the newborn.
Lamar shook his head in wonder.
Women! You never knew about Women!
She had a point though. He best get crackin. When the surviving Indians recovered their wits they might just come after him. Then again they might decide not to throw good money after bad and call it quits.
Indians! You never knew about Indians….either!
Lamar studied the situation with an engineer’s eye. He WAS an engineer, among other things. Whatever he did he’d better do it fast. He took a hand axe and a coil of rope from one of Jeb’s packs. Jeb was carrying a heavy load but seemed not to care. Jeb was, after all, thousands of pounds of pure muscle.
It took Lamar very little time to cut the wagon loose from the oxen. He then put a loop of rope around Jeb’s horns and tied the other end of the short rope to the rear of the wagon.
Jeb backed up.
The wagon just naturally came with him.
Wood chips flew as Lamar shortened the wagon tongue just in front of the single tree. Working as fast as he could Lamar hastily improvised. He hooked up Jeb and away they went across the river.
Just as they pulled even with the two uninjured oxen Lamar jerked to a stop. “Oh shit! One more thing...I almost forgot”
He pulled a big knife, almost a short sword, from a holster on Jeb’s neck. He jumped down and cut the two uninjured oxen loose from their harness, then he slit the throats of the other injured animals, including the horses. It only took a minute for them to bleed out. They were in so much pain that they barely noticed the sting from the knife slice. It was a mercy. It didn’t take much time and it wasn’t like the Indians didn’t know where he was.
It was the humane thing to do and a diversion. The Indians would likely stop to butcher the horses. Perhaps they would stop chasing him in exchange for the meat.
That done he climbed aboard the wagon. Jeb pulled the wagon directly across the river. He was big enough and strong enough to do it, barely. The middle was almost too swift and deep even for him. No other critter short of an elephant could have done it. Riding a horse across would be risky.
Just because they’d crossed the river didn’t mean they were safe. Never can tell about Indians, free food or not. Lamar pressed on.
“How you doing back there ma’am’he yelled back to the woman.
“Just never you mind young man” the feisty old gal called back. “You tend to your Rat killing and I’ll tend to mine”
Women! You never knew about Women!
Did her voice waver and crack there for a minute? Lamar couldn’t tell. He didn’t get along all that great with people, much less women. That gal was a feisty one though, even if she was old enough to be his mother. She reminded him a lot of his mother...actually.
Lamar pushed on.
The wagon was nothing to Jeb. Lamar wanted speed and Jeb gave him speed. The wagon had very seldom moved as fast as that big Bull was pulling it. Lamar pressed on through the night and into the next day. He really, really, didn’t want to see those Indians again.
A little after noon they approached a wagon train.
Lamar found that it suited him better to ride Jeb than it did to ride the wagon seat. That was a mean woman back there. She didn’t like black men either. She also had that pepperbox pistol. He figured ‘out of sight, out of mind’
Thus it was that he rode Jeb, pulling the wagon into the vicinity of the wagon train.
“Hellooooooo the train”Lamar shouted. He did NOT want to startle anyone. Startled people in these parts tended to shoot first then check to see what it was they’d shot later. He’d had enough of that lately. Just a little bit of that kind of thing went a long ways.
“What the hell?”said Sgt. Hobbs and First Sgt.Halsey almost in unison.”who the hell are you?”
Two officers, a Captain and a Lieutenant both turned to look.
“ Captain Lamar Pedernales late of 10th Cavalry, at your service” Said the large, grey bearded black man riding the monster buffalo
After everyone calmed down Lamar said to the officer in charge. “Captain, there’s two women and a baby in that wagon. If you have a doctor they could likely use some help. I rescued them from Indians but they’re scared of me and don’t want me near them.”
“What?...what did you……?.” huffed the Yankee Captain…
“Can’t you understand plain English?”said a woman’s voice. They turned to see an older lady carrying a baby approach.“He is telling you the Gospel truth, I’m ashamed to say. He saved us from being murdered, and lord knows what else, by bloody savages. I repaid his gallantry with scorn.”
“He’s wrong about one thing though, it’s just us two now. The poor baby’s mother died giving birth.” she sniffed. She looked horribly tired.…. she started to collapse.
(later in the day)
Everyone was well rested. The stock was all watered. All the water barrels were topped off. Time to hit the trail again. The extended break was over. The new wagon that was pulled by that big buffalo was now being pulled by a spare yoke of oxen belonging to one of the Mormon Families. The woman and the baby were riding in it but one of the young men were driving. One of the wives was with them, helping with the baby.
The big black man and his huge animal were at the front of the train. Strangest thing anyone had ever seen. A buffalo soldier riding on a buffalo.
"Time's a wasting men. Get them animals hitched back to the wagons. We got a way's to go yet before dark." hollered the First Sergeant.
Shortly the harness animals were hooked back to their vehicles, gun carriages included, and the caravan began to move............and the earth seemed to open up before them. They were suddenly walking down a spiraling vortex of light, a chromatic tunnel. They had to walk quickly in order to avoid falling down. For some reason they were unable to go the other way. The horses were walking faster and faster, the wagons were rolling forward , pushing
the teams.
"You men pull the brakes on those wagons." Shouted First Sergeant Halsey" keep the drag heavy or the wagons will run over the horses."
Everyone was up to a brisk walk now...they were moving regardless of whether they wanted to move or not, it was walk swiftly or fall down. That meant likely being trampled by the animals or run over by a wagon. A few men had tried to stop and that's what had almost happened. They hadn’t exactly got run over or trampled. No one had died but it had been a near run thing. It had been rather difficult for them to regain their feet. The horses seemed to be enjoying the experience.
Their speed was slowly but steadily increasing. It looked like they were passing across a rainbow bridge and they were reaching the downhill part of the rainbow’s arc. Everyone on foot was jogging now. The horses were walking quickly, the cattle had, under protest, increased their pace.
"Everyone get in a wagon or on a horse, we're not slowing down any." Shouted the Captain.
"I've never seen anything like this, have you." The Captain asked the First Sergeant conversationally.
"No sir, I can't say that I have" replied the Sgt. Halsey, equally calm. They might have been commenting on the weather.
The wagon train’s speed gradually increased until they were going as fast as a man could run. No one had any breath for talking other than to say a few prayers.
Their speed continued to increase. The Captain hoped that it didn't increase too much more. The oxen were moving just about as fast as they could go. Some of those older oxen hadn’t run this fast in years. If anyone stumbled it was going to get ugly.
His hopes were realized...they leveled out at max speed for the oxen. Surely they couldn’t last long.
Suddenly there was a bright flash of light and they burst forth upon a new world.
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