Sharing the Misery - Why you should ALWAYS Spread Your Affiliate Codes like an STI

in #satire7 years ago

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Many products and services exist to solve problems and create a better world. However, only through the POWER of spamming affiliate codes can we ever achieve the dream of bringing everyone down to the least common denominator.

DAZZLE future Brand Partners with Brilliance but Mostly BAFFLE them with Bullshit

PTBarnum_Affiliate_Code_Meme.jpg

The most important thing you need to understand when it comes to affiliate codes is to load ‘em up with sheer quantity.

What about strong content to convey a VALUE added proposition?

Just hit them with something unrelated and informative, like a Valtrex commercial or an Erectile Dysfunction video. Follow that with block text of all your affiliate codes.

Save 3% with my Genesis Code: jbXeP2

Remember the intent is to capture that sheer sense of overwhelming anxiety and desperation like wading into a the house of a hoarder, or desperately digging through all the frequent buyer club cards in your wallet while searching for your credit card. The only way to effectively capture that sense of desperation is to convey your own sense of desperation for people to use our referral codes.

Quantity of referral codes is what we are looking for here.

Sheer.

Overwhelming.

Quantity.

Because it conveys AUTHORITY more than annoyance.

So load up every affiliate code you have, and borrow some from your friends. Load up frequent shopper codes from anywhere: Pathmark, Tesco, Adam & Eve, the liquor store down the street, you know the drill. The more it resembles block text of hyperlink gibberish, the more authoritative it is – like a modern art masterpiece…and we are trying to create a Pablo Picasso of affiliate marketing.

Long Term Business is for LOOSERS in the World of Hit It and Quit It Brand Partners

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I cannot stress enough that effective affiliate marketing isn’t about sharing valuable information or services. Save all that nonsense for nonprofit organizations, PETA, Greenpeace and preschool classrooms.

The core of successful affiliate marketing is altruistic sharing. It’s finding brand partners to altruistically share in your MISERY, and we do that by sharing those affiliate codes with EVERYBODY. If you’re not receiving a regular stream of flags and mutes, then you’re not succeeding in this business. VOLUME is what drives the business and EXPOSURES, particularly to the unwilling translate into accidental sales.

Think of the accidental sale as the drunken one night stand of affiliate marketing. Sure, there’s a small hint of regret the next morning, but it’s a natural part of the affiliate sale process anyways.

Direct mail campaigns measure SUCCESS, not on the number of new sales generated, but rather, on the mailers which wind up in the trash rather than are returned to sender. In much the same way, mutes and flags are successful exposures much like the mailers which wind up in the trash.

Did I mention you can save 3% by using my Genesis Mining code: jbXeP2

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Ha ha funny memes.
I saw a youtuber fuming in rage at steemit because steeemit wouldn't allow his post riddled with affiliate codes from Genesis.

Hahaha :D

@hansen7 thanks for taking some time to read, laugh and comment. I appreciate the support.

Enjoyed this post. Funny! I'll make sure to use your genesis mining code/link next time I invest. 😉 Now following.

I think even if you want to advertise your awesome steem shirt on someone else's post, it's taking up too much space and will annoy people scrolling through a large advertisement. Advertising in someone else's lawn is terrible, seriously (sorry)

Edit: oh okay, i get it, it's to play along this post's satire right? .....?

It is pretty long... youre right kev. Should I take it down? Up to you or Ipfaust. Let me know. Also it did kinda go with the subject a bit, thats why I went for it... lol. Let me know guys.

Oh now u shouldn't have deleted it :p seems approved

Its all good. Felt like it was the right decision. 😁

@becerra18 thanks for taking the advert down. I appreciate the spirit of participation, but @kevinwong had a very valid point. Thanks for the consideration.

You gotta do what works thanks for your imput! Code 😃Genesis SonyU0

@ryan 313 thanks for taking the time to read, laugh and comment.

I have no ill will towards anyone's side hustle. Spamming me about your side hustle at every corner? No thanks.

It's like the dudes in Las Vegas with the Escort magazines. I'll approach you when I'm interested, but don't shove your shit into my kid's diaper bag while I'm walking down the strip.

Great reply you got a chuckle out of me

Super hilarious lol. Since you can't use your own affiliate code on new contracts, use mine man. Code: 4nn0y1ngtw4t

@kevinwong thanks for the read, comment and upvote as always.

The funny thing is, I used my actual Genesis Mining affiliate code in this post. I think if it gets me some BTC, I may share some with everyone who upvotes and comments.

Now THAT's a contest.

Well that can be used for more steem power, easier to give back ;)

You have a valid point.

hahah wait what happend to ethereum??

@blapone420 thanks for the read and the comment.

I thought I'd be proactive and future proof this post right before Ethereum switches to Proof of Stake rather than Proof of Work...and be sure to use my affiliate code to get in on the party of regret because misery loves company.

sure but i only use peoples codes who use mine first g ;) , funny funny article bro such a good read

You are correct we cannot achieve success by spamming affiliate link, to be successful in online marketing we need to learn technique to get traffic to our link using correct methods. Thanks for the post and also for genesis mining code.

The affiliate codes really blow my mind, especially when they take up more space than the post itself.

It's like - two lines of content, probably plagiaraised - then ten pages of affiliate codes and donation wallets.

@heymattsokol thanks for the read and the comment. I appreciate it.

It's giving this place the feel of an Amway convention or a timeshare platform, I do agree, but there is a silver lining. You may have just inspired my next satire piece. It my just have to be about donation wallets.

Quality with creative thinking i guess matter in promoting anything otherwise the time you spend is waste.

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