My obsession with running.
When I was in 5th grade, I ran my first mile ever. Being a socially awkward, weird, and lazy fat kid, it was the worst day of my life at that moment. Everyone ran past me. I couldn't go ten feet without stopping. I honestly don't remember if there was anyone laughing at me(wouldn't be surprised or mad in hindsight, it was pretty sad), but I wouldn't have cared because good lord the pain of breathing. I never wanted to do it again.
Things changed a bit as I got older. I still hated running, but I at least began putting some give a shit into it. If anything, just to keep from failing gym. My hate for the activity made me obsessed. I got decent at it completely out of spite. The stamina I got out of it became my greatest strength in my wrestling career. I was never the strongest, fastest, or smartest. But I could hang in a lot longer than most when it came to a clutch round. If I joined Track or Cross-Country, I do wonder to this day how far I would have gone with it.
After my high school sports career, I kept running as a habit. It became a habit I got used to. Now, I depend on it. If I don't do some kind of cardio at least three times a week, I get the unique kind of fidgety where one has just discovered there is a spider in their pants. I don't say this next part to brag, but being the first to finish a four-mile run involving my entire command at the last duty station of my military career, was one of the most satisfying "Nailed It" moments of my life. I did plenty of runs in the Navy. Whether it was PRT or just for the hell of it. I got asked quite a bit, how a guy with the unconventional chassis I have(Full trash bag with biceps) could run so well. The thing is, I could answer the what, where, how of it, but I could never explain the why. I didn't know, It was just something I did, and couldn't stop myself anymore from doing.
Mathew Inman of "The Oatmeal" comic, wrote a compilation book called "The Terrible and Wonderful Reasons Why I Run Long Distances". The comic of the same name is one of my favorite written pieces of all time. It's hilarious, it's thoughtful, and reflects a lot of my feelings about the activity. I don't want to spoil it if you haven't read it yourself, and you can read it at the link I will give at the end of this. But the part that reflects the why for me goes as follows. Again, these are Inman's reasons which I relate to and I take no credit in their creation.
"The world around me is so very, very loud. It begs me to slow down, to sit down, and to lie down. The buzzing roar of the world is nothing compared to the noise inside my head. I'm an introspective person, and sometimes I think too much, about my job and about my life. I feed an army of pointless bantering demons. But when I run, the world goes quiet, and demons for that moment are forgotten."
I still suffer to find that clarity, salvation, and the closest I've ever found to inner peace besides knowing my wife is asleep next to me. Despite this, I feel it taking its toll. There is pain that wasn't there before, a lag to my pace I can detect, and the burden of not knowing exactly how long I can keep doing it. So while I can, I intend to document it. Apps and the internet have granted me one of the best gifts in a long time, virtual distance challenges. There are two programs I'm participating in, one of which will plant a tree for every 20% of a challenge I complete. I will upload events I complete for as long as I can, as long as I'm able because as I said, I want to enjoy being able to move while I still can. I wish everyone will find, pursue, and excel in anything that makes you want to wake up the next day.