Danger Will Robinson! This show is shit!

When I was a kid, I loved watching Lost in Space. Between that and Star Trek, I was pretty much a geek from back when I was a wee little tike. Of course, I don't actually remember much of anything about it, because it was a long ass time ago. I do have a certain fondness for it though. I also happened to be one of the only people that liked the 1998 film. I even bought it on DVD when I was a kid with my own money.

Warning: I don't give a shit about spoiling this show for you.

One of the few things that I remember about the original Lost in Space, as does everyone else, is the robot saying "Danger, Will Robinson." So, of course, they had to put it in this new show. They had to, right? There wasn't any getting out of it? Because it was bad. It was really bad. It felt so forced. They even put some kinda colliding star system in the end and called it "Danger". We get it guys, you don't fucking remember the show, except for the robot saying something about danger.

_{It's the future, but I just happen to have a Ricoh action camera to interview my new robot friend for the YouTubes!
Yay! Product placement! (source)}

Is it a robot though? It actually appears to be some type of sentient, albeit stupid, alien. Perhaps it's some kind of automated drone of some type, sent by aliens. It's lucky though that it appears to sort of reset and bond with whoever it first sees like a baby bird, so we didn't have to think too much about how we were gonna get it on Dr. Smith's side! But hey, friendship conquers all!

_{Hey, we both know I just tried to kill you,
and I'm gonna keep trying to kill you when it's convenient for the plot,
but hey, wanna be friends? (source)}

Early on in the show, Will Robinson gets separated from his dad, when they're off collecting highly flammable chemicals to burn his sister out of the ice because best parents ever. After falling down a fucking glacier, he stumbles upon an alien ship, in an alien forest, and then proceeds to be chased by a pair of detached legs. Seriously, did that happen? He somehow magically knows this creature has no eyes and asks "How are you seeing me?" Maybe he has sonar in his dick! Turns out that he conveniently climbed into the exact tree where the other half of the robot is, just in time to avoid being burned alive. He then pulls a convenient string saw out of his ass and cuts the robot down because risking your life for an alien that's cut in half and trying to kill you makes sense, right?

The "robot" is clearly the forced copulation between the robot from the 1998 film and the spiders from said film. I'm thinking that the majority of people who made this show didn't really watch the series, or the movie, other than maybe fast forwarding through it for the highlights.

_{Insert sad music here. (source)}

One of the few good things about the movie was Dr. Smith. Well...she's not really a doctor...and her name's not Smith... That was just some random dude that was dying in like the first episode or something. Whatever! Parker Posey does a kickass job with what she got. I really love her in the role, even if I hate the role.

_{Robot not pictures here because they made him just hold onto the back
while they drove through a storm of hailing metal.
They even turned around and drove back through it to get the psychotic Dr. Smith.
To be fair, they didn't know she was psychotic at the time though. (source)}

The cast actually did a pretty kickass job all around. Even the dad, who I hate as a character, didn't do that bad of a job as an actor. He did a great job playing the standard military absentee father who...wait, why was he on this mission? Aren't they all like scientists and shit? I guess he's a pilot or something? Anyway, the kids all did a pretty damn good job in their roles, and the dickhole characters all seemed like real dickholes.

The main problem was the writing. The characters just sucked. Will was supposed to be a genius but didn't act like it. He just randomly did some task occasionally that was like dealing with electronics or something. The family dynamic didn't really seem to work exactly right. I didn't really believe that the family was a family. The jealousy between the sisters didn't really strike home. It just sorta felt like they were telling me about how the characters were, while it wasn't really written well into the characters. Like how they constantly told us that the one sister/daughter was the daring one, while they kept throwing the other into the role. It doesn't really work to toss up the roles of characters when you haven't established the roles yet.

They did sort of seem to fall into their dynamic a little better as the show went on though. If this show gets a few seasons, it might just be pretty good by season 5 or something. Of course, then it will promptly have a really shitty season, and then be canceled.

I don't know why or how I kept watching the show all the way to the end, and even binge watched it, but I did, and I hated it. I was thoroughly pissed off by how much they ruined it by the end when they decide to make a bonfire in space when they're stuck in a partial room that's just floating in space. Okay, it wasn't a literal bonfire, but that was the analogy.

This was probably the first time they were actually Lost In Space though, as the rest of the time they were STUCK ON A FUCKING PLANET. So if it doesn't get a second season, we basically never got the whole lost in space part. Yeah, sure, they jumped some insane distance across space, but it was kinda like they got The Swiss Family Robinsons mixed up with Lost in Space. In the movie them crashing on a planet was only a small part of a much larger bit of how they were, you know, LOST IN SPACE!!!

I did get kind of excited when they got to "Danger" though in the end, the system where the robot seemingly came from. I don't really know why though. (major spoiler) The robot is dead, so it's not like he's going to conveniently come back to life to save Will Robinson in the new season. Holds finger to ear. What's that? He is? And no one's going to be surprised? Oh.

_{I wonder how many more times they're going to kill off the robot and bring him back evil in the coming seasons.
...if it gets any... (source)}

They should have just brought the robot back when the dumbass kid started to drift away from the shit. But hey, Dr. Smith had to slightly redeem herself or some shit, so if it does get a second season, we have some chance of buying that maybe they might grow to trust her again...before she stabs them all in the back again.

_{I think I just made some extra rocket fuel. (source)}

But you know, maybe it won't suck too bad if they don't cancel it after this horrible travesty. It's not like first seasons of other shows haven't sucked. In fact, it seems like it's only the really good sci-fi shows that get canceled in the first season. cough Firefly! cough So maybe it has a chance. A snowball's chance in hell, but a chance none-the-less. Maybe during the season break, the fuckers will actually watch some of the old show and the 1998 movie.