hi, from my point of view.... you have no religion, it was forced upon you, you can believe in it or not... it is a belief system, nothing more... created by man, not by a God....
if you follow a belief, you are conditioned and cognitive dissonant, but that is my truth...!! i know.... i do not believe in believing... its a trick in the mind... you must find out, know...

there is only love.... the rest is EGO, and false....!!
we are the same but divided by religion makers so they can rule us...

God does not want you to do anything, you have to want it yourself... in the now, and then it will happen....... God is this reality, and you are part of that...you are spirit, as a tree is spirit and all the animals are spirit...

high EGO is is something man has created, you have to find out how to stop it in yourself... stand in the now, the present, "the gift". do not live with your mind in the future or past... it will bring you nothing, just the negative emotions you are writing about....!!