Monogamy is a lie!
There are all these rules that we were born into and somehow, the forces have been binding on us whether we accept it or not, whether it aligns with our true nature or not. One of these rules is the one binding on men and women in sexual relationships. This rule is known as monogamy. It states that a male and female human being must be dedicated to one sexual partner during the period of the relationship. As much as this rule seem like a noble idea, I think it is unfair and infringing on the rights of human beings who are inherently free moral agents. Why should any one person or group of persons, sit at a corner of their desk and mull over such an idea and then impose it on others as the perfect rule of engagement for sexual partners?
I find it ridiculous.
Researches show some ethnographic evidence that suggest that human nature is adapted to an ancestral mating system that was predominately polygamous (one husband, multiple wives). Women were even more comfortable being the co-wife of a strong man than be the sole wife of a second rated man. This explains to a satisfactory level that man- male and female- were not born with the innate desire to be monogamous. These findings also reveal that monogamy is an imported idea that gained significance through modern religion, civilization and evolution. It was not so from the beginning of time. In fact, social monogamy in humans dates back to just about 1000 years ago which makes it a relatively new idea compared to the number of years anthropologists say humans have been in existence on planet earth. This means that, not everyone human has evolved into the reality of monogamy as a social norm. Why then should it be forced down our throats?
Personally, I believe that monogamy is one big lie and at best, an attempt by man to try to control nature. I would not have any argument with this societal arrangement, if only people, those who cannot keep up with this lie are given the option of handling their sexual relationships on their own terms instead of forcing us all to abide by rules that run contrary to our very nature without having to deal with the turned up noses of society. I know there are people who are born polygamous in nature- I for one think I am a member of that population. These people would forever keep struggling to hold a monogamous relationship together because it has been made the standard.
Just like gays have a right to express love to whom they choose, I am of the opinion that people who do not find monogamy part of an ideal relationship goal, be allowed to set the rules that suites them as long as it’s an agreement between both partners and they both are comfortable and happy in it. Nobody should be made to conform to society’s expectations of faithfulness.
I strongly advocate for polyamory – the practice of having more than one sexual partner with the knowledge and consent of all sexual partners. I believe it is the answer to sexual partners having to deal with cheating and unnecessary heartbreaks that come with discovering ones monogamous relationship has been a sham all along.
However, human monogamy will forever remain what it is- a LIE!
I think monogamy has value, particularly for providing a stable environment for raising children, but I've also begun to think it's overrated as well.
One thing I find incredibly interesting is seeing what the bible has to say on the subject, since that's widely believed to be the source of the moral outrage at non-monogamy. As it turns out, the bible says remarkably little about it, and never explicitly states that monogamy is the only moral sexual relationship.
In fact, I am confident that the bible does not say that sex is only legitimate within the bounds of marriage (though I'm sure modern christians will label me a heretic for saying as much). It does condemn adultery, which makes sense: one should honor his commitments; it points out that there is a proper time and a place for sex, and abusing it is unhealthy...
In 1 Corinthians, Paul argues for monogamy, but the attitude of this passage is not one of laying out basic moral law, but rather one of a wise mentor advocating restraint to a specific audience in a specific situation. I could elaborate further, but the long and short of it is that most of what modern christianity teaches about sexual morality is on shaky biblical footing at best; I personally think polyamory is within the bounds of biblical morality.
I realize that most people don't care about biblical morality, but the bible has a lot of good advice, and I think it warrants some consideration even if you don't accept it as axiomatically true (which I do not) as most modern christians do.
Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines and is considered the wisest man to have ever lived. Nuff said.
It was wise in past to go out hunting with these...
Guess what! Now it isn't anymore...
There's a reason Solomon had so many wives and concubines - he was playing the numbers. Having over a thousand women available meant that on any given day he had an almost 50% chance of finding one in a good mood.
LOVE IT. VERY TRUE.
LOL
Secondly, any man with that many wives surely had a lot of problems do deal with, the wisest thing would be to have as few as possible.
Totally agreed. Imagine having 30 mothers is law. It's hard enough to tolerate one.
He surely had an UZI to deal with that mother in law issue
Actually I thought Socrates was considered the wisest man that ever lived, because he knew what he did not know.
Surely because he knew that he did not know.
Socrates on matrimony: "By all means get married. If you get a good wife, you will be happy. If you get a bad one, you will become a philosopher!"
Solomon gets my upvote x2000
Wise man detected @themagus
Observant @fulltimegeek !!
lol great argument!
My brotha solomon must of had the mojo of a freakin stead.
"One thing I find incredibly interesting is seeing what the bible has to say on the subject, since that's widely believed to be the source of the moral outrage at non-monogamy."
...I guess somebody havent noticed amount of mayhem divorces cause in life of children as well ...
... or toxic relationships that are held together just because of societal pressures
... haven't noticed how harmful can be serial monogamy that is result of status quo ...
... and havent bothered to research about interesting facets of polyamorous relationships raising children ...
... but hey, throwing own preconceptions as only possible truth is so much easier ...
(btw, chrome spellcheck doesnt even know word "polyamorous" ... nuff said)
Interestingly, the Bible only punishes adultery with a married woman. That is, if a married woman commits adultery she's punished. If a man sleeps with a married woman, they are both punished. However there are no instances where a married man sleeping with an unmarried woman is punished!
I'd argue that a stable environment with more people involved could be healthy for a child. It would be like being raised by a mom, a dad, and some aunts and uncles. If the relationship between everyone was harmonious it could work.
And yeah, the bible is most definitely not against polygamy. Didn't King Solomon have over 1000 wives and concubines?
Sure, no doubt more people can be a good thing. I've talked about it with children of polyamorous parents, and my impression is that parents having multiple partners isn't a problem as long as it's all in the open, and the core mother/father pair remains intact. I think the research backs this up too (at least, that a core mother/father pair is ideal), as does common sense if one considers it in comparison with possible alternatives.
Indeed, the bible doesn't condemn polygamy (which is not the same as polyamory, I note), but it also seems to indicate that it's not the optimal state of affairs. I think the bible treats polygamy as an acceptable solution to a bad situation; not a scenario to be sought out.
Actually Paul argues most vociferously for celibacy, and only defers to monogamy as a last resort for those who cannot remain celibate.
1 Corinthians 1:18
Sure, free love.
Then children.
What then?
I await your answer.
Yours truly,
A married man of 24 years, who can't figure out how free love, as much as he might want to partake of it, wouldn't destroy his family and, if adopted by a sufficient number of others, civilization.
amen. Seems like a philosophy for rabbits that do not value family or civilization very much.
Having kids will definitely change the relationship between the biological parents. It creates a bond deeper than ever as they now (hopefully) have a shared goal of raising another human being. Any two people having sex should have a plan in place for pregnancy.
If a woman has multiple, polyamorous partners then perhaps the father is unknown. The main thing a child needs is a role model not a "father". I grew up without my father but I had other families and men in my life to show me exemplary behavior, caring for others, honesty, confidence etc. If one of the men is a "primary" partner then perhaps he takes on the father role. There is no reason that other loving and caring men in the child's life will do harm. Watching positive interaction, caring, and cooperation between their "father" and the other man or men can only be a good thing.
In the opposite case where a man has multiple partners the same applies (except of course the mother is definitely known). Other loving women assisting cant be a bad thing.
In the case where 2 men and 2 women are a group (or some other mixed arrangement) all of them may take on some of the parental roles. Since our society is so structured as to require a "mother" and "father" (for school and other friends) it is likely 2 of them will be the "official" parents on paper. I read a story about such a group (2m 2f) but the shape of their relationship was more of a line than a box with a cross in the middle. So the two in the middle got married but would have liked to include an other woman in the marriage as she was equally a mother (just not biologically).
Personally I think the more a child is interacting with humans and not sitting in front of the television the better. To raise a child really well takes an enormous, extended, loving effort and this will only be easier with more than 2 people.
The polyamorous idea of "compersion" or happiness at the happiness of others leads me to think that anyone properly practicing polyamory in an open and honest way would only be glad to be a part of raising the child of one their partners.
This isn't just a fantasy dream, people actually do this. The idea of the "nuclear" family is very new, in ancient times children were breastfed by whomever could do it, raised by a small close-knit community brought ever closer by the task of raising an awesome human.
I can guarantee you the person that wrote the original post is under 30. I can sympathize since I recall how stupid and foolish I was when I was that age.
What is the lie? What is being imposed on you? Sorry, not seeing it. Nothing wrong with monogamy if that is what you and the one you are with want. Nothing wrong with polyamory if that is what you and the ones you are with want.
Of course nothing is imposed on you ... as long as you dont mind doing jail time when you will get caught living with two wives ...
(yes, i mean some states of "land of the free" ... but not free from Victorian era prudishness)
(and to add insult to injury ... even if you do not officially marry anybody ... just living long enough under one roof might make law treat you like married anyway ... unless you do extra legalwork ... isnt that awesome!)
(and want to bet how quickly children would be taken away form parents after first "helpful tip to Child Protective Services" ... shudder)
I am not gonna mention how this situation wrecks havoc with ability of polyamorous families deal with medical and financial situations ... because that would deserve own rant of epic proportions.
"Nothing being imposed?" - would be good joke if not so cruel.
Black and Homosexual movements were all up in arms and demonstrating over orders of magnitude lesser infractions on ability to live their own livestyle.
I think you are confusing polyamory with polygamy.
And you see nothing wrong with disallowing polyamorous relationships to practice polygamy and raising kids?
"I dont mind couples practicing monogamous love, they are free to do as they prefer ... as long as they are forbidden from marrying and raising the family."
Such a freedom!
Exactly ! I agree @jsteck . Do what works best for your relationship and fullfillment @crazynotned
If monogamy makes you miserable you probably will attrackt a partner who thinks like you anyways. Good luck ! I never felt the urge to have sex with somebody else other than the one I truly love and respect. Why would I want to break a deep soul connection in exchange of physical pleasure? If you are in a mature relationship you will find ways to keep it interesting.
You assume you cant love and respect more than one person.
Feel free to "no true scotsman" out of that one to your heart delight.
I do not assume anything for anybody. I actually know myself very well and can love bigger than you could even imagine . I respect many but that doesn't mean I have to fuck everybody especially if I made a commitment to walk through periods in life with one only . I am the first who let it be , if it doesn't work out but it would be too confusing to have too many hormonal driven men around me . I could deal with more women if they would inspire me enough and do the laundry ( just kidding )
"I do not assume anything for anybody" ... aaand then assumes about powers of my imagination in next sentence...
... and not gonna point out all those straw-men that were thrown my way, because i'm afraid of hay fire ...
shes just mad she cant find a high status man because they are all taken, thats all
Multiple sexual partners is absolute destruction for a modern family unit that's trying to raise kids. Polyamory is fantastic otherwise - for the right people. And the right people have to a very high levels of self esteem, be very comfortable with their body image and be able to deal maturely with inevitable feelings of attachment and jealousy. Unfortunately modern western life seems to raise very shallow and insecure people so polyamory ends in a train wreck more often than not - it is a one way trip for the vast majority of relationships. My experiences have led me to believe polyamory is a great fit for a very small minority and not something that is socially sustainable on any large scale... which is probably why we have evolved away from it.
That said, your article sounds somewhat academic. Do you actively practice polyamory in your current relationship?
shes just mad she cannot find a high status male because they are all taken, thats all
I'm happy with one person as is my husband, really couldn't cope with another one
The question is, what if your husband wanted to have more wife? Would u object to share his time? If yes, then u r forcing your will on to him.
My husband can please himself what he wants if he wants more wife then he can do so but i won't be sticking around
It's actually not about necessarily having to have more than one partner, but about not limiting yourself or your partner and to be open to fall in love with someone else in case it happens without the need to drop your actual relationship. A bit oversimplified and a more passive approach, but that's basically the idea behind it.
I don't think I am capable of loving more than one partner and the whole idea does not apppeal to me but everyone is different
There is plenty people who cant cope with even one husband.
I'm sure that means monogamy is truly unworkable idea, right?
Its all down to the individuals needs. Everyone is different
I personal can't "love" two different people at once, but I personal have no problems with other people do what they please, unless they don't physical touch me
So, in case you'd have two children, you would only be able to love one? ;)
Parental love is very different from the love you feel for your partner(s) when in a relationship. I don't understand the "lie" in being monogamous here either. No one is forcing you to be monogamous, but it's ridiculous to say that the only true way to be in a relationship is your way. "However, human monogamy will forever remain what it is- a LIE!"
This is the statement I have a problem with, not polyamory itself.
I felt this same way at a point in my life and I loved the idea of it! I actually wrote a small blog about it myself. https://steemit.com/relationships/@treeshaface/is-there-such-a-soulmate
I understand the Steemit concept of "rewarding content creators for producing good content" and that's great and all... but then I read $2,200+ valued articles like this and suddenly I want to slam my head in a very thick, lethally-heavy door.
🙌🙈
Interesting, to say the least but I have to disagree. I see the effects of polygamy all around where I live. My country is one of the hardest hit when it comes to the HIV/AIDS pandemic (google up HIV?AIDS and Malawi to see what I mean). It has hit so close to home many times and the pain of dealing with child-headed households and the vicious cycle this perpetuates is too much for me. On the basis of that alone, monogamy makes sense to me. Polygamy has done a whole lot more damage than anything...and I have to ask "are rights always right?"
Love is not really mentioned in this article. The entire argument of polyamorous relationships vanishes once you fall in love. I have met several very promiscuous women in my life, who were into polyamorous relationships (a better name would be multiple sex-life frequentations) but when they fell in love that whole concept went out the window. Nobody wants their beloved diluting his love for them. To me the whole issue in monogamy is, firstly, if you can FALL in love and, secondly, if you can STAY in love.