I don’t think an apology is what you are looking for as much as an acknowledgement. An acknowledgement is much lighter and doesn’t require sorrow or regret.

I wondered about time lines and and late apologies while writing this article. At what point does one let go of a wrong without apologizing? I remember an incident with a person who was part of a 12 step program. Part of their healing process was to apologize to people they had wronged. I was gaining perspective from the person that was being apologized to. The person being apologized to felt cornered into having to listen to a lengthy (yet sincere) apology.

The person in this case who had been hurt had moved on and having to listen to an apology just made them a further tool for the person. Now they were a tool used for somebody else’s healing, it stole their time, it disrupted their peace momentarily and it made them relive uncomfortable events and nothing was restored. The relationship was no longer appropriate. The closure gained by the apology only helped the person apologizing.

Perhaps the person feels uncomfortable bringing back a shady past? I don’t know, maybe they’re just jerks.