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RE: Eight Reasons Your Apologies Seem Insincere
Agree with every single one.
Though this has made me think of a someone who did something really hurtful many, many moons ago. Over time (like 10 years), with social media we started communicating again. The incident has never been discussed. We meet, we laugh, we hug each other and we only talk of the good things.
But having said that, I honestly would take any kind of "Sorry" for what happened because it tells me you acknowledge that it hurt me. But right now, there is no closure and sometimes it can be a little weird... haha
Oh, and in case you are wondering, it is a pretty big thing and many mutual friends and acquaintances knew of it. (and no it is not a man, more like a partnership on a project)
I don’t think an apology is what you are looking for as much as an acknowledgement. An acknowledgement is much lighter and doesn’t require sorrow or regret.
I wondered about time lines and and late apologies while writing this article. At what point does one let go of a wrong without apologizing? I remember an incident with a person who was part of a 12 step program. Part of their healing process was to apologize to people they had wronged. I was gaining perspective from the person that was being apologized to. The person being apologized to felt cornered into having to listen to a lengthy (yet sincere) apology.
The person in this case who had been hurt had moved on and having to listen to an apology just made them a further tool for the person. Now they were a tool used for somebody else’s healing, it stole their time, it disrupted their peace momentarily and it made them relive uncomfortable events and nothing was restored. The relationship was no longer appropriate. The closure gained by the apology only helped the person apologizing.
Perhaps the person feels uncomfortable bringing back a shady past? I don’t know, maybe they’re just jerks.
Now that I've said it out loud (and my goodness, it is going to be on the blockchain forever in a few days)...I definitely don't want any lengthy apology because I am not angry or upset anymore... More curious to know how she has processed the whole thing in her head....but am going with let sleeping dogs lie..... Hey thanks @metzli