The Marriage Dilemma

Many of us have grown up expecting to meet the elusive "one", fall madly in love, marry, have kids and the rest is history. They say that every rule has it's exceptions, but what happens when the exceptions become the rule?

Today, society accommodates people in a vast number of ways that the stereotypical view of marriage is just one option amongst many other viable options. In some people's cases, marriage isn't even a consideration. Whether you're asexual, homosexual, transsexual or heterosexual, marriage could simply go against the grain of your beliefs.

It is remarkably difficult to postulate why one person's decision to marry (or not) will differ to the next person. After-all, diversity in environmental up-bringing crossed with globalisation has given humans unprecedented exposure to different archetypes of relationships, likely resulting from time-tested societal norms that previously only existed domestically.

*note : my pictures are from modelling photoshoot

In China, society carries its own set of expectations which can lead to a marriages that serve in the best interest of people other than the bride and groom. In-fact, throughout history and across many different cultures, marriage has often been more about the union of factions and their combined influence. This ideal, trickled down into every notch in society and serves as a benchmark for the purpose of marriage.

For better or for worse, people get married for many reasons other than love. Lets take a look at some of those reasons.

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Arranged marriages - We know you better than you know yourself

In some cultures and societies, it is accepted that parents will know even better than you, who is best suited, since their own marriage was also likely arranged. It has been argued that arranged marriages are successful because the divorce rate resulting from them are very low. Of course, social stigmas and acceptance of divorce from those societies are also different meaning that it is difficult to really compare divorce statistics directly.

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Arranged marriages - Mergers and Acquisitions

Going back to the union of factions and combined influence, arranged marriages are often treated as business dealings between large corporations. Although an actual merger of companies is not required, China's culture of nepotism means that each company can now leverage resources from the other much more readily as a result of the marriage.

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Rite of Passage - "You Shall Not Pass"

Sheng Nv are often pressured by family and society to marry by a certain age. This is a result of social pressure atop of family pressure to conform to what society deems normal. Moreover, Chinese culture considers marriage to be a necessary stage in life for passage into society. Although women have more pressure because of their physiological clock, this issue also applies to men.

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Financial Sense - The Shared Economy

Generation Y faces growing stress over meeting their financial obligations. People have a better chance of having a better quality of life if resources are pooled together. That could mean, sharing the rent, mortgage, bills etc. Couples can enjoy a better life together than if they were on their own. It makes more sense financially to stick together, than to be alone.

Unless..

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Financial Freedom

Financial freedom can be granted to the person of less favourable financial circumstances if their partner is financially secure. There are many levels of financial security, but for some people, having enough money to grant a life of not having to work is true financial freedom. If one partner is able to provide that, then the other has at least the choice of not having to work so hard. Some people will call this Gold Digging, but like with everything else, there is a full spectrum to this behaviour, and it is not limited to one gender.

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The Next Generation

A lot of people want to have children and would ideally like to have children with someone who they love. Unfortunately, other circumstances may mean that the person that they love is not the most ideal person to have children with. After all, it takes substantial resources to raise a child in a good environment and provide them with the good life that you expect for them. This results in choosing a partner based on their ability to provide to the family.

It's clear that Marriage requires a-lot of thought, and most of the time, it isn't as simple as just finding a person you love and marrying them. People face very real world problems associated with marriage. Needless to say, everybody has different values. Some people place a large weighting on what family and society have to say about their marriage choices. Others, such as hopeless romantics will hang onto their ideals of what Marriage should entail.

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If you are interested in my other blogs related to relationships please check out these other blogs below

China's leftover women - Single and not necessarily successful
Having a Naked Marriage isn't a bad idea at all!