Audrie & Daisy (speaking out about sexual abuse)

So, I just watched the documentary on Netflix called "Audrie & Daisy".

It took me 5 hours to watch it when it's only 1.5 hours long. Because it was so upsetting I had to pause it over and over. I sobbed within the first 20 minutes. I had to take hour long break to "regroup" but I wanted to watch it because I plan to write a book about victim-blaming/shaming and that's pretty much entirely what this documentary is about. I knew it was something I should watch but I was unaware going in that one of the victims committed suicide due to the cyber-bullying that occurred after her assault. She was 15 years old and her mother found her hanging, dead, in the bathroom. This was obviously jarring.

Audrie Pott

The documentary tells the story of 2 highschool girls. Audrie Pott and Daisy Coleman. The first story they tell is Audrie's story. Audrie was drunk at a party when she was stripped, written all over, and fingered. The boys took photos of her naked with things like "anal" and an arrow pointing to her butt and "harder" with an arrow pointing to her vagina. These photos were shared all over her school and after just a week it became too much for herself and she hung herself. She was convinced her reputation was ruined forever. People were calling her a slut. Being only 15 it often feels like what is currently happening is going to literally destroy your entire life, especially something heinous like this assault.

Watching the parent's crying while talking about their daughter and what a happy kid she was really shook me up. These people lost their daughter after she was horribly assaulted and the boys who did it got off pretty much scot free. 30 days and 45 days and this was served on weekends. They weren't expelled, they weren't suspended even from school. And in the interviews they did with the documentary crew (as part of their plea) they were both just focusing on what this did to their life. They never really talked about how awful it is that they assaulted a girl and she is now dead.

Daisy Coleman

Then we are introduced to Daisy Coleman. I was so relieved she was not dead but the story was only marginally less depressing than the previous one. Daisy got drunk and went to hang out with older guys, friend's of her brother. She was 14. She snuck out with her friend and once she got to the guy's basement they encouraged her to drink heavily and once she was entirely incoherent and immobile they assaulted her. Her friend Page who was 13 was also assaulted. The boy who assaulted Paige admitted to his crime but the guys who assaulted Daisy did not. They ended up dumping her unconscious in front of her house in the snow where she easily could have died as her blood alcohol level was near poisoning territory.

She did go to the police and ended up being pretty viciously bullied, called a liar, shamed and the guys who did the assault got no time. Charges were completely dropped. In spite of the rape kit and evidence the prosecuter said he felt they couldn't prove the case. In this small town many people are connected and many believe it had something to do with one of the boy's being connected to the mayor, I believe this did have something to do with it.

We can see that the case wasn't taken seriously just by how the Sheriff talks about it. He says how a rape did not occur at one point. He says how it would take a judge or lawyer to decide if having sex with an unconscious person is rape. He said how girls need to take more responsibility? I wanted to rip through my screen and strangle this guy. Yeah I know an eye for an eye and all that but it was pretty disgusting to listen to and this isn't a lone case. This happens all the time. cough cough Brock Turner cough cough

Yet, if a victim doesn't come forward right away and tells their story later, when they are finally feeling capable of it, they get called a liar generally. I had it happen myself when blogging about my history of abuse. If you come out straight away you get assaulted, called a liar, and usually the charges get dropped but if you are afraid to come out due to the rape culture that clearly does fucking exist you also get called a liar because why didn't you come out sooner? Right? This really is not okay. Terrorizing victims for talking about their abuse is fucked. If you have clear evidence that this person is definitely a liar and plagiarizing their story or something yeah, that sucks and that is an injustice and you should stand up to it but if you have no reason whatsoever to think a person is lying other than a "hunch" you should probably just shut your trap.

It takes a ton of courage for someone to come out and talk about abuse and rape publicly and they have almost definitely spent years hating and blaming themselves, So, a society that instantly goes into "attack" mode when they hear a story based on whatever preconceptions they have about what is likely and what isn't when it comes to assault (which obviously would be skewed by how few cases are reported due to fear) it is pretty dangerous. In my case I was raped "too many times" for it to be believable. Well, let me tell you, when you are molested by multiple relatives from the age of 5 and told to keep quiet and have no adults guiding you through these struggles or life in general, yeah it warps you and fucks you up unbelievably psychologically. You not only become an easy target but you also have the shittiest self esteem imaginable and were taught to believe you actually deserve abuse. You are indefinitely ridden with mental illness. So, it really isn't at all far-fetched that the cycle would continue and it doesn't make it the victim's fault.

If a girl is drinking, like in the documentary, that also doesn't make it the victim's fault. Teenagers drink both boys and girls this doesn't make it okay to remove a person's clothing and assault them and it definitely isn't something boys should be getting away with. There is nothing more disgusting than hearing judges talk about how a guy's future could be ruined because of a small mistake. This isn't spilling coffee on your dad's laptop it is raping another human being. And yes, if you rape another human it should SEVERELY impact your life. We should be treating the attackers harshly not the victims whose lives are already going to be permanently affected.

So, what can we do about it? It may seem too big. I get that. One hugely helpful thing we as people can do is simply act with compassion. Do not attack victims. Don't call them liars with literally no knowledge of the case or the aftermath of what it does to a person and stand up for injustice. Stand up when you see a person being bullied for finally feeling empowered enough to talk. Don't take it lightly when your guy friends are laughing about rape or talking about taking advantage of drunk people. Stand up to injustice. That is what we can all do.

There were a lot more stories that this documentary briefly touched base on. Stories of incredibly brave girls that were assaulted and are now publicly speaking out about it. I commend these girls. I commend Daisy for being so strong and I mourn for Daisy who could have been any of us victims. Daisy tried to kill herself, so did the girl in the documentary named Delaney and so did I, we just didn't succeed and it breaks my heart that at just 15 years old Audrie did succeed.

I had kind of strayed away from this sort of topic for awhile due to the backlash but watching this reminded me of why I started speaking out in the first place and I am no longer going to shy away when I have something important to say.

Oh, one more thing. Don't tell people that after a certain amount of time they should be "over it" and stop talking about their abuse otherwise they are seeking attention. Would you tell a veteran to "get over" their PTSD after a few years? It doesn't work that way. Also, there is absolutely nothing wrong with publicly speaking about abuse because clearly there people are getting away with rape left and right and most victims are afraid to even talk about it. So yeah, I am going to keep on talking about it. I do want "attention". I want people's attention on the injustice in rape cases and the callousness being directed at victims.

Resources for survivors

https://www.rainn.org/

List of more resources:
https://www.rainn.org/national-resources-sexual-assault-survivors-and-their-loved-ones

Also, if you area victim and you need to talk to someone you can literally pm me on facebook and I will talk to you. You are not alone. <3