Achieving Happiness
No, no, no, don't worry; I won't pretend to be able to give you any kind of "lifestyle" advice, nor pull any other self-help shenanigans in order to achieve happiness. I'm here to remind you that happiness can not be achieved at all by trying to achieve it.
source: PxHere
In the words of William S. Burroughs: "Happiness is a byproduct of function, purpose, and conflict; those who seek happiness for itself seek victory without war." And we all know there's no victory without war. Or maybe you like Eleanor Roosevelt's version better: "Happiness is not a goal...it's a by-product of a life well lived." Personally I like this one better, because it poses a question: what exactly is a "good life?"
I think that whenever a person is asked what they want out of life, their answer, whatever it is, always means the same; everyone just wants to be happy. The answer they give sometimes is just that, "to be happy," but most of the times we'll answer with the thing we think will make us happy, like "to be rich" or "to be famous" or "to be important" and so on. But ultimately these are all different answers that really mean the same. We try to make happiness tangible, so to speak, and that go after that tangible goal, forgetting the wise words of Burroughs and Roosevelt that say happiness can not be pursued.
It also can not be found, given or taken; actually it's something to not take seriously or be concerned with at all. This is made difficult in these times when we're constantly bombarded with messages that say happiness is just a purchase away; we can't give it to you, but we'll make you happy for the right price, happiness can be bought. Never forget that advertisements are not to make you happy; they're geared to make you feel inadequate first and then offer the chance to remedy that by buying product X. Speaking of Axe, what they're actually saying is something like: "Hey you, I love you, you're great. Or you would be, you would be more than great even, if you just didn't smell so bad. Come over here, let me hug you right after you buy my anti-smelling-bad concoction..." Ads show insanely happy people, compared to whom even the most content real life persons would look like miserable sobs.
Chasing after happiness for happiness' sake, is like going out fishing just for the fish; if you do that, you'll be miserable if you don't catch any or don't catch some number you beforehand decided would represent "a success." Stop striving for those numbers and just let the day of fishing be its own reward. That way you get to enjoy the piece and quiet, the temporary escape from your daily grind, the proximity to nature, the easing sound of the water and the joy of anticipation, instead of getting more frustrated every minute that passes without catching anything. When you get home in the evening, that content feeling is a by-product of a day well spent, even if you don't eat fish that night.
A life well spent, a meaningful life, that's where happiness happens. What that is, exactly is for you to decide yourself, but connecting with other people and with nature is part of it; we've evolved as tribal creatures who find contentment in making each other's lifes better, and who need to be recognized, need to be seen and accepted as we are by our peers. That's why happiness happens with others mostly, it's very seldom a private affair because we share it with real friends, family and loved ones. Try and imagine you're on your death-bed. I know, not a pleasant thought, but try it anyway. And then try to imagine how you would like to see yourself looking back on your years; I bet you won't think back to the many Facebook "friends" nor the number of likes and re-tweets. It's the intimate, personal relationships you'll be thinking of, and how much they loved you and vice-versa.
Well, that's it really, sorry about not having an easy to follow 12 step program to achieve happiness. I still hope this has been helpful and want to thank you, dear reader, for sticking with me. Oh, and if you do want an easy three step plan towards a happy life, listen to this wise young lady:
Happiness is a byproduct of living life.
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