I'm Not Made for This World
This is a post about my feelings. A personal post, and nothing that I'm writing is meant to be fact or targeting other people. There may be topics that trigger emotional memories or feelings. Only read it if you're interested in my outlook. This is not a pity-party, it's just kind of a /rant about stuff.
"I feel like I'm not made for this world"
![](https://steemitimages.com/640x0/https://pixabay.com/static/uploads/photo/2016/04/23/12/49/depression-1347544_960_720.jpg)
This is a sentence I find myself saying far too often. Why? Because, it's exactly how I feel a lot of the time. So what exactly do I mean by it, when I say it? It means a lot of different things to me. Sometimes I feel like it's hard to endure normal human interactions. It's hard for me to keep up, and sometimes I just feel like I'd rather be alone. This might be partly due to me being an introvert, but it sometimes feels like I just don't understand how most humans work. It's hard for me to make connections with other people, or at least strong connections.
![](https://steemitimages.com/640x0/https://pixabay.com/static/uploads/photo/2013/10/08/11/22/human-192607_960_720.jpg)
"I feel depressed, but I sometimes wonder what depression really means"
This is a big part of why I question a lot of my feelings. I've always dealt with depression. Most of my family has also fought depression as well. I sometimes wonder if my depression is what causes me to feel this way, or if feeling this way causes my depression. I'm one of those people who sits around daydreaming about a more interesting life, but I don't have the energy to change my own. I feel like it's pointless, and that my life will never be as interesting as I want it to be. I yearn for fantasy worlds where I can be free to do many interesting things, born with the body you desired to be born with.
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"I've never been the workaholic type, and I like to do things at my own pace"
Someone who doesn't work, is frowned upon in this world. I grew up with a lot of different interests and hobbies. Too many, maybe. Because of that, I am slightly good at a lot of things, but not extremely good at one thing. Now I'm in the predicament where I don't really know where my passion lies, and I'm scared to stick with one thing and make it my life. It's hard for me to focus on learning new skills because I get distracted and always want to learn something else. A lot of the time I just feel lazy and like I don't have the energy to learn something, and I'd rather be doing something else that I enjoy. Because of this, I haven't had a career, and thus I've been looked down on. I've worked at clothing stores, and had an office job, and after being jobless for a bit, I've realized I don't want to go back. I've come to dislike those places, and being around real people all the time. It gives me a strange anxiety that I never used to have.
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"Just work on your way of thinking. You can fix it."
Ah... how many times I've heard a variation of this statement. I've tried many times to fix how I think of things, but it's hard to do that if you know that that IS actually how you feel. It's as if it's ingrained into me. Some kind of fear that I can't explain. I'm the most comfortable when I'm at home, in my own bubble, doing the things I choose to do, not the things I'm forced to do. Don't get me wrong. There are still many things I enjoy in this world, but I feel like the rules that have been set are too much. The advertising of certain body types, responsibilities, social circles, etc... has ruined a mass amount of people. Everyone is stressed because of how fast-paced everything is, or because they aren't living up to certain standards. There are people on the streets because they just aren't cut out for keeping a job, or socializing properly. They weren't broken to begin with, but we view them that way. "They just weren't meant for this world."
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"Sometimes I feel like death is the only way out"
I know I'm not alone when it comes to this feeling. Death is a quick way to move on and get rid of all the stress you're feeling. You can't feel stress if you're not here. Sometimes I feel helpless. "I'm never going to change, because this is just me." "I'm never going to be useful to the world." "What's the point?" And I've been extremely close to going through with ending it all. I don't believe in an afterlife. I'm not after anything like that. I just feel like a waste of space sometimes.
You know what? I've come to realize something about these feelings. I'll never get my fantasy world. I'll never be able to magically change the problems my body was born with. So... where am I going with this?
"Maybe I don't need to change. Maybe the world needs to."
The type of change I'm thinking about isn't really all that out there. The world just needs to change how they view certain people.
![](https://steemitimages.com/640x0/https://pixabay.com/static/uploads/photo/2016/06/09/10/00/smartphone-1445489_960_720.jpg)
I can't be the only one who has grown to feel like they don't want to be in a normal workplace, and who can't keep up with certain "normal" expectations. I feel like things are at least moving in the right direction for people like us. Crypto-currency is opening up a lot of new options for people to work from home, and get paid to just do things that they enjoy. Maybe you're someone who doesn't have a useful hobby that can be transferred into a job, but you like to talk about your feelings on social media? Well, there are more social media sites that are monetizing content.
![](https://steemitimages.com/640x0/https://pixabay.com/static/uploads/photo/2016/08/14/16/53/internet-1593378_960_720.jpg)
This is just the start of things that could make the world better for shadow people like me. There are topics like basic income that are still controversial, but could lift the poverty in many areas, and give those people a chance to be creative and find something they're interested in. Monetization of commonly used sites and their user-posted content seems to still be questionable to a lot of developers as well, but I believe there can be many benefits.
I'm going to keep trying to function in this world, and as things are currently, I'll probably have to suck it up and suffer through a normal workplace for awhile. I'm job hunting now, and anyone who understands the feelings I wrote about, knows how frustrating job-hunting can be when you feel that way. Maybe I really don't deserve a comfortable life, and I really am just a lazy loser. Maybe it's not just how this world views me. My personality is a flaw, and maybe I really can change it? I've tried many things to get better at socializing, but I just think it's not a huge part of me. I can only take small doses of socializing face-to-face. Who knows why I'm like this. I don't.
![](https://steemitimages.com/640x0/https://pixabay.com/static/uploads/photo/2014/08/12/08/18/pencil-drawing-416438_960_720.jpg)
I feel like these things won't just make the world better for a few people, but better for everyone.
Have you felt this way? Do you think there are things that can be done to help people who feel this way? Do you think monetization of more websites or basic income will make the world a more creative and relaxing place? I'm curious to hear how other people feel.
I'll probably write another post soon, about how crypto-currency and basic income could make the world a more interesting place.
All images royalty free from: https://pixabay.com/
Thank you for sharing this. You touch a lot of points I resonate with and have written about myself.
First of all ALIENATION is good. If you feel out of place right now that's good. That's healthy. You're a healthy individual in a crazy broken culture. This culture thinks it's great to bomb poor villagers in Iraq to raid their oil - "GO UMURICA". You're not some braindead air-head Barbie-Doll consumer.
You want more. You want something that's wholesome and resonant and creatively alive! You have something worth saying. You have a personality. You have feelings.
If you have time I'd recommend listening to Youtube talks from Terence McKenna and Alan Watts. I think the answers for our current alienation involve looking at the 60s counterculture and building upon it.
This is a good place to start:
Yeah, I certainly feel like I don't think like other people do. Go aliens! hehe
Thanks for the link! I'm definitely going to check it out. o:
I watched a bunch of those videos already, and they are super insightful. I'm very appreciative of the recommendation. I'm really surprised I haven't watched them before. o:
You're welcome. It sounded like you were at the stage of life where you need to reach beyond your current confines.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on.
I feel like there are probably more than two paths, hehe.
I've changed paths many times.
As long as you not choose the path of death
Health is the no 1 priority and all you need to make yourself happy
At least that is my opinion
You and a lot of other people here, sister. We weren't made for this world. I'd further argue that NO ONE is made for this world. That it's been usurped by evil overlords who have managed to enslave billions without their knowledge of it and they just go along.
But not you. You know there's something wrong with it. Good for you. Find your fellowship and hang on. Gonna be BIG changes soon. REAL BIG.
When you feel this way, it always seems to make you feel alone, even though you know there are other people dealing with these thoughts.
I'm hoping I can be a part of the big changes, since these ones I approve of.
I used to hide from discomfort. Treat it like the plague. My main discomfort was being around girls, especially ones that I liked. For years of my life including the majority of college, i'd never talk to girls unless i had to (resulting in a 21 year old virgin).
When I took "Acid" for the first time I had a horrible trip, the most painful experience in my life. But what resulted was a few things but the simplest and easiest to articulate was the realization that something (to a reasonable extent) is better than nothing.
Not an original idea but my favorite logical reason why (almost) no one should commit suicide. I will have all of eternity to be dead and a relatively short time to be alive.
Loved your post btw.
Double down on what makes you, you. And search hard for others you can relate to and validate your unique beauty.
That's the main thing that kept me going. I'm always curious if something interesting will happen the next day, and there are things that I would miss. It's not that I have a bad life or anything. It's hard to even fully put in words how I feel.
I've always been kind of scared to show my true self to others. I want to make videos and talk about stuff, but I get a weird uncontrollable anxiety that I'm trying to get over. A lot of Steemit posts have been opening my eyes to new ways of thinking though, and that's why I've grown to really like this community.
Thank you for sharing your story. Sounds scary, but I'm glad you came to that realization. ^_^
This is so sad. I know how you feel. I think there's a place where a computer would simply shut down and not start up again, but a human can't do that. It's tragic how well we survive in spite of sadness. Maybe depression is seeing life's challenges as insurmountable, feeling both innocent and forever on trial. I've had depressive experiences a few times, both when unemployed. There's something so hard about putting on that brave face when you know it'll be obvious that you never really stop crying, even when it's held in.
One of the best ideas I've seen to give people a sense of value is a site called Josephine that connects people who love to cook home made meals with people who don't like to cook or don't have time. I imagine a network adding local gardeners to sell vegetables to the cooks who sell to those who work too much to want to garden or cook. I think that good food and gardening and being of service solve more problems than should be possible. Game changers. Maybe when the laws change.
The world right now is full of so much hope and I think hope is especially hard for someone who is depressed. I've heard it described as Deep Rest. We all need it sometimes. :)
This post moved me. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your experiences with all of this.
I literally googled "I feel like I'm not made for this world" and your post was the first thing I saw and introduced to me the website as a whole. Everything that is posted here is what I have been thinking and going through for a very long time.
Thank you for the insight once again. Cheers and god speed.