Spiritual Blind Spots: Are You Doing Yourself, What You Hate In Others?

in psychology •  22 days ago

One of the repeated patterns I am seeing recently (to epic proportions) is that of raging and blaming against the actions and behaviours of others, who are hated, without realising that the angry person is also doing exactly the same thing as the one they are angry at. This also plays out in all manner of theorising about others and needs to be felt to be understood - but can easily be noticed just with logic.

shadow self

Without going in to all the gory details, this pattern of unconsciousness, combined with judgements and denials is apparently urgently needing to be brought into focus and understood. I have lost count of the number of times that someone close to me (who has experienced significant trauma and who has not healed yet - so has a backlog of unprocessed anger, fear, resentment and pain), has raged at other drivers on the road who have not driven 100% perfectly. It is understandable to be angry with others in such situations, since our lives may be at risk and anger feels a need to be protective. The problem arises due to the reality that in most cases, it is totally obvious that the EXACT same driving patterns in other drivers that act as triggers for the anger are also driving patterns that this person does themselves regularly!

What stands out is that they tend not to get so angry or even notice when other drivers make other mistakes or bad decisions that they themselves do not tend to do! There is a connection here that needs to be explored.

The blame game


In cases of blame and projection onto others when there is no valid, logical reason to do so there is often due a mixture of beliefs which connect to feelings of a loss of personal power, combined with an attempt to shore up the self with self reinforcing thoughts, such as 'I know more than most people', 'I am the perfect one', 'People are idiots (except me)' and so on. These do little to provide the substance needed to be the best version of self possible and are instead a kind of spiritual band-aid that 'looks good' to the mind, but which achieves little in the long run. The blame of others is a way of deflecting away from feelings of insecurity and loss of self respect or feelings of safety, which may have roots in the 'fight or flight' principle which is often resorted to to keep us safe. In our unconscious state, we do not notice that fighting or running are not the only options and neither are appropriate when we could instead just learn what we need to learn about what we need and make the called for changes instead.

When the lack of self esteem/valuation and self respect has become a problem internally and denial sets in, there is the real possibility that old emotions that need expression/release will start to be inappropriately expressed in response to external triggers. This is also part of the blame game, where we accuse others of all manner of things that may not even make logical sense - as we strive to just 'feel better'. In reality, there is no need to rage at other people though - we simply need to allow ourselves to rage in private - deliberately - to clear old charges and allow emotional response to come into real time.

Why do we blame others for what we ourselves do?


In many cases, I can feel there is a desire involved that wants things to be perfect and to feel safe. This is not wrong, yet there is also an unconsciousness present where the conscious part of the self are not noticing or fully aware of the feelings involved and what they were originally caused by.

There is an interesting phenomena which you might notice and feel more once it is pointed out. We are all connected energetically and this connection is not stupid - it is intelligent. Karma is a process of drawing experiences that we can learn from in order to have balance and when we are dysfunctional internally, we may draw to us others who 'act out' our own dysfunctions in order that we might learn. They may eventually trigger us emotionally into a space that allows us to notice what we had been missing - however, blaming rage often has us blind to any new information as all it wants to do is blame and rage - it is not receptive to new understanding.

For example, if I am driving a car and I always drive too close to the vehicle in front of me (as I am stressed/angry and 'racing') - I may draw to me others who do the same to me and then my anger will be pointed at them instead of at the people in front of me who are 'in my way'. As long as I am continually blaming them, I am deflecting away from my own participation in the situation and my own causing of the point of attraction between me and the other driver. However, once I maybe acknowledge I am doing this, then I will be forced to reassess why I am angry, my anger will be reduced and I will be left mainly only with the underlying anger which has been powering the situation all along. If I am wise, I will stop what I am doing, drop into that feeling and seek its cause in me.

Our lack of emotional intelligence needs healing now


None of this would be much of a problem if we collectively paid close attention to our emotional needs and what our emotions are trying to tell us. If we listened to our feelings even 30% as much as many of us listen to our phones and computers, we would be doing much better than we are on average!

It is very common when we have neglected our own emotions and/or have been traumatised in the past - to project those feelings and neglect onto those in our present reality, when it is not they that caused them. In extreme cases, this can result in entire stories being fabricated about the object of the anger - which may or may not be based in a half truth. The problem really accelerates when in a state of discomfort and perhaps panic, we search mentally for the answers and fill in the gaps with judgements instead of seeking the deepest and most accurate truth.

Once we have begun a process of relying on judgements instead of facts and once we actually call these judgements 'facts' - we are digging ourselves an ever deeper whole and will eventually meet our own match that forces us to correct our errors or risk hugely increasing our own suffering.

May all beings know unconditional love and full consciousness in this life.

Wishing you well,

Ura Soul

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I can totally relate to this! I find that when I get easily ticked off at someone, it is usually because I see in them a trait that I myself exhibit and don't like. I've notice this time and time again. Sure it's easy to avoid that person, but will that solve the problem? I doubt it. It is solving that emotional pain, anger or hurt that will finally alleviate emotional triggers seen in others. Of course, easier said than done. But when I find myself blaming someone or feeling really ticked off by some traits in them, I go to gratitude and think about all the good in them. It instantly takes away from the emotional frustration and leads to a calmer and relax state when you can interact with others peacefully.

He speaks the truth. When the light comes on it starts to highlight all our unconscious behaviors. It's not exactly enjoyable sorting through it all, and actually requires a certain tenacity to retrain. I can understand why we avoid these things, yet with maturity we can see that it is an incredibly necessary process and a great opportunity for expansion.
Blessings

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Absolutely. One key point here though. The comfort of the light is directly relational to the amount of love within the light. Not all light is loving. For example, if I feel into my unconscious parts without loving intent, it will not heal - but if my conscious parts are aligned fully towards love and self acceptance, then the feelings can be peaceful. There may still be challenges, though, yes.
Bless sings to you too!

Good is good and bad is bad. The bad thing about bad is when gone unchecked it tends to grow. This is the case here. This might of been around for centuries but was almost unheard of in the Greatest Generation. It didn't seem to show its head until Baby Boomers started doing it and most could validate as just doing good business/politics. Then it bleeds over into the Family. Parents started blaming grandparents for their mistakes or bad actions in front of the kiddos. This is IMO causes the worse kind of unhealthy stress in a grandparents life. @wizardave and I was just having this discussion yesterday. His plan as was mine up to now was to bite tongue until kidos grow up. This worked for generation X and our older grandkids. I'm afraid now in the snowflake generation that is has become such the normal and has become so rampant that is close to being out of control and will take Divine intervention to correct.

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The kind of dysfunction I am describing has been rampant for aeons. Entire wars have been fought over such things.. How else could entire nations be turned against other nations and believe they are right for attacking them, based on justifications that describe crimes that in actuality both sides were involved in.

For example, it is often claimed that the USA is 'the land of the free' and a champion of fair play and honesty (like Britain has claimed) - yet, we see that in truth, the total opposite tends to be the reality. The presidents of the USA (who would not be generally described as 'snowflakes') like to point their fingers at despotic regimes, all while denying the fact that they themselves are typically involved in the same behaviours, just with different forms.

It's not so easy for me to compare the overt presence of the blame game across the latest generations, but in my own experience the older generations tended to just skip over the blame part and move straight to violence and name calling.. lol.. Not sure which is worse.

Regardless though, in all cases, what is needed is emotional healing and personal evolution. This is indeed the destiny of those who survive and it is indeed the path of grace and divine manifestation.

It is exactly as you say.

It is almost definitional, that what you are angry at, you are facing within yourself.

The best proof is healing. Once you have healed that trauma, the underlying structure from which the anger comes up from, it is like the whole thing goes away. You see the event happening less and less, nor do you get upset about it when you see it.

You no longer turn to anger, you turn to healing.


Anger is supposed to be a short duration emotion. If someone has done you wrong, anger is an appropriate response. Learning to deal with that anger is a skill of negotiation and boundary setting.

If the anger last a long time, it is a deep traumatic wound that you must dig down, find and heal.

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Yes, absolutely. Often anger is present to attempt to protect from what fear is frightened of, so we must address and heal the fear that is beneath it for anger to end. Often people will accept their anger but deny their fear (pretend they have no fear) and so they get stuck with both.

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Ok, thanks - I'll take a look. :)

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Great! Thank you!

The human trait of self forgiveness, while NOT being willing to forgive others always astounds me every time I see it. Freud would probably see it as the ego's method of self preservation, I suppose. The Bible also remarks on it:

"And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?"

It's a trait we are all born with, and something we all have to work at controlling.

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The ego is only the part of you who knows who you are. Forgiveness of others is a challenge for me in some cases, since while I know it's necessity, I also feel that by forgiving there is a sense of 'forgetting'. I think that is the major blockage here in that it is wise to forgive, yet unwise to forget - and yet often we are told that they must go together.

All the programs and conditioning we are born with can be healed, balanced and evolved with intention to do so and dedication. :)

True said @ura-soul we all play the blame game, willingly or unknowingly but we doo, I have written a similar post, but not as you have explained and presented it, thanks for sharing your thoughts. Its a must topic for discussion.

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You are welcome. It IS possible to stop 'playing' - but it requires significant emotional processing.

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Which is difficult too in today's environment but still one should try.

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The western culture (and others) is typically totally anti-emotions.. So yes, it is necessary to make space to process emotions safely and in private. Just shutting the bedroom door and turning on music can be enough to begin with - it allows space to scream and punch the bed if needed ;)

Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate only love can do that... Great thought @ura-soul

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reward pool "rape" accusations come to mind. For myself, if everyone else is raping the pool, I don't get angry just envious. ;)