This is Survival
Misunderstanding is scribbled on the walls of my mind. I am hurting because I cannot properly communicate. Trying has dug me in deeper. I feel reactive, dislocated. I am grasping but not out of breath or lost. I am simply stuck. That's okay. It's quicksand. I'm holding still.
Don't react. Breathe easily. Scan the landscape. This is key. Reactivity will fill your lungs with sand. You can remain still.
"Emotionally Stable" by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash
In a life of stimuli, how? In a life of text messaging and kids calling "Mama" and someone left the water in the sink running I still need to shower today someone is hungry the dog stole my food I am not sleeping because of pain HOW. CAN. I. NOT. REACT?
I want to shut down. Turn off. Will myself into the sand instead of trying but that is also reactive. The other end of the pendulum's arc: I disappear. The key is to STAY. To be, and I shudder, present. See the storm swirl, keep breathing keep loving remember these kids are treasures this partner does it all this woman I am in this body will heal will be strong will be ABLE in some fashion again. Even if able looks different, it will come.
You see yourself as a burden, but the truth is you are the fire on the torch that lights the way and warms the hands and roasts the meats and vegetables. Remember this.
Begin again outside the stuck place. Grab the vines and climb. Watch for rodents of unusual size. It's not an escape. It's okay. Shh. This is survival.
Recent Posts
- Have You Ever Broken Yourself with Your Own Writing? (life)
- Love in Condemned Spaces (life)
- Throw a Party! (A Writing Prompt) (writing)
- A Little Me (poetry)
- Bridges (poetry)
- Go Long, Go Hard, Even When Injured (motivation)
- Ode to the Goddess (poetry)
- Sacred Reflection (story)
- Bourbon Goddess (poetry)
- Before the Morning After (poetry)
- For the Love of Languages (life)
- If Dreams Were Trees. . . (life)
- 3 Tips for Taking Care of Love (psychology)
- Getting a Grip (life)
Well written, I totally appreciate. Again big claps to you
Thank you @coolbuddy.
Always leave me speachless
❤️
It's funny because sometimes we find ourselves in these epic battles with the ROUS' and we emerge torn yet victorious, only to pause and ponder... Why did we even fight back. Likewise we pause and move thoughtfully and deliberately to avoid being sucked under the quicksand, only to pull ourselves free to forget why we saved ourselves. I've spent many hours hiding in the darkness from irrational fears only to wonder why I just didn't succumb. So often giving in seems appealingly like rest awaiting. I wish I had the nobility to say that I persevere to serve others despite the pain, and I have increasingly focused my life on the needs of family and employees and clients. However, from my teens, the first motivation for not letting go of everything was simply because I chose to see life as a game. Like a cruel obstacle course. My mantra became... I can do it tomorrow. Now that's not as motivational as it sounds. It wasn't that tomorrow I would rally and turn the tide that threatened in my mind to drown me... It was more that tomorrow I can quit and give up. But today, I'll try to endure. I guess I'm lucky that with the physics of space time, tomorrow has never arrived... It's always today. So, I play on. Hardly inspiring, but I have healed so much, that anymore, I don't much think of quitting the game any more. So, new t shirt idea. "Do your okayest today... There's always tomorrow.". Most won't get it, but that's okayest too.