But what are you doing for self-care?
Not long ago I broke down in a meeting for my eldest child. KID1 has some difficult needs and what I mean is he has needs that would be difficult for any parent, but are especially difficult for me. With the help of a behavioral therapy team, I have made great strides in being able to better parent an unpredictable child. My progress has been enormous, and like a mirror, KID1’s has, too.
![image](https://steemitimages.com/640x0/https://img.esteem.ws/zqvcdakjwm.jpg)
In a session with our behavioral team coordinator today, the topic which originally reduced me to a shaking, crying huddle was reintroduced. We were trying to figure out why I freaked out when I heard that the behavioral team would not always be with us. What was intended was, at some point, we won’t need them anymore. Our family has made so much progress, especially KID1, that we can almost see a day he can manage his own needs and me mine.
Instead I heard that we were going to be abandoned. My reaction was largely a result of my parents disappearing followed by my husband’s parents expressing that it is too hard to care for all three of our kiddos at once. I saw the brief respite from caretaking disappear from the horizon. Thus the tears.
Caretakers need breaks. They are essential to our mental health. While we are no longer living in high alert minute-to-minute, our home dynamic is still quite energy-consuming beyond a family of three typical children.
The fact is, of the five of us, two are atypical children, one is an atypical adult, and one is an adult with anxiety and depression. We are a family of different needs, and it is hard all the time.
I was asked today what I am doing for self-care. Well, I write. I CrossFit. I I have Wed evenings to myself. I have a teaching job that gets me out of the house Monday evenings. I Netflix. I take medication. I supplement. I eat well. But I’ve been out of talk therapy for awhile.
So, after rattling off the list I was told, “Those are great maintenance tools. But what are you doing, other than writing, that is active?”
Here’s where writing for release and recovery has it’s limits: when you are going it alone rather than with a therapist or coach. I am the teacher—the only one around here.
Which means. . . it’s time to head back into talk therapy.
I’m less than delighted, but I need this. I need a voice outside my head that supports me. A person who isn’t going to carry my feelings the way my husband does. I’ll begin this week or next.
The truth is I’ve been writing very deeply. Much has been accepted and released. Lots is moving inside me, and it’s deeper than what I’ve already unpacked. I shouldn’t keep unpacking without a guide. PTSD nightmares are reason enough. But feedback from a trusted family team member helps.
I wish I would have read this yesterday. I needed to read it, hear it and absorb it... that I need to do things for ME. I think because (in the past) I've worked through the majority of my issues THROUGH writing, that now it feels more like... work? I guess, now that I'm blogging more and taking time to just write for me seems like it's just more of that? I really do love writing, but I hit a wall yesterday with my own freak out and had to step away from all of it. I was able to ask my husband for some alone time so he took our daughter out for a movie so that I could have some NO PEOPLE time.
I was able to ask for that in large part because of reading blogs like yours. I was okay with saying, "I'm exhausted from being around humans right now, can I please have a break?" because of people like you, especially YOU and this blog. You are so real and just write in words that I understand. Not that I'm dumb, but it takes a lot for a writer to really resonate with me, so I can not only read and understand, but I really take the words and experiences to heart.
I am so grateful for the fact that you can write these things down and share your struggles and your experiences. It helps people like me so much.
ALLL of that "me" talk being said, I'm so sorry you're struggling and I hope you are able to find a good therapist to help you deal with this wave until you are once again ready to float and hold yourself up again.
hugs
As for me, I took a few hours off, had a relaxing bath in my rarely EMPTY house and read a paperback novel. I stepped away from ALL online everything, all socializing, all responsibilities and just had me time. It was desperately needed!
@shawnamawna - so glad to hear that you will be getting this self-care.
You know that what you will be doing is a great "investment" for yourself and your family. The relationship with your therapist will be the key...
I’m glad, too. I already know the therapist I’ll be working with and she is great.
I have been eating well balanced diet and also taking in food supplement
to have a healthy life. @shawnamawna.
With the responsibilities you carry...and desire to do them well...its near impossible to truly "get away" from it all....so talk is good...things build up no matter how "strong" we are....
I have been too long without a therapist, I think. My last one was so wonderful, and I only left her because of an insurance switch. Now I'm thinking about how I'll find one in a whole new place when I move for grad school, and it's super daunting.
In the meantime, I have not been prioritizing self-care, and the last couple of days have shown me that I must, so it's been weighing on my mind lately. I'm glad you got a reality check from folks who cared enough to remind you about the important of self care; I hope you have fruitful therapy sessions and get some healing and peace from them.