RE: Psychology Addict # 29 |The Architecture of Sustainable Happiness – Positive Psychology
I will not praise your work once again, we all know the quality you bring here!
I will just say that in a world full of negativity, positive psychology might seem a bit too "light" and cheap, magazine-advice kind of science, but if people did focused on the positive things happening in their life, then some would certainly avoid mental-health issues in the future. I was out with a friend today, a young woman my age, just started her Master's courses, is in a relationship but works only part-time and still lives with her parents (as most young Greeks do due to the crisis). This woman is the personification of negativity. A pessimist with various psychosomatic reactions, today she woke up with a swollen ankle as she usually gets night numbness and cramps and hurt herself while sleeping (a thing she has done various times in the past). I try to give her an alternative point of view on her reality, but most of the time she is "ressistant". I won't go long on her story, she is my friend, I care about her and I believe she needs professional help (she sought for in the past, but the specific specialist hadn't helped that much).
My question is: how can positive psychology "upgrade" someone from the lottery winner level to that of George's? I have been through times of darkness myself, but I happened to have an "epiphany" and decided to get rid of the negativity (at least as much as I can), stop whining and being grateful to what life has offered me. Find the things I don't like about me and try to change me for the better. I consider myself a very lucky person, somehow God never lets me down no matter how much I have let Him down. And, I don't know maybe it's because it applies on my case, if you are not pushing yourself and trying for yourself, no one will ever help you. We are our worst enemy and our savior at the same time. (Do you believe I am just too stubborn to see another way?)
Keep doing your amazing job @abigail-dantes! We need it! Lots of cyber hugs with love to you!! ❤️❤️❤️
My Dearest @ruth-girl :)
Since you are here let me just tell you now what I have been meaning to say for a while (but, have been struggling to find the time!). Xenon's Lesson About Truth is so beautiful, with so many meaningful lines and an overall invaluable message. You have started a lovely series for children & adults there (with fancy photos!)! Well, you know how much I LOVE your fiction writing! Anyways ....
Now to your comment ....
Well, you share the same opinion with many, many psychologists about this field. There is A LOT of scepticism surrounding it. For sure! I suppose that only the future will tell us if positive psychology is here to stay!
Your friend sounds fascinating to me. I am sorry to hear her well-being didn't improve much after seeing a specialist. Unfortunately, this is not uncommon. Even more so when the person is reluctant to engage with practices that will help break a certain pattern of thinking and behaving. This sure takes time! Not to mention commitment and effort.
Sometimes, what I ask myself about people who present this sort of mind set is: Is their negativity affecting themselves?
For example, I know a lady who, based on what you said, is the older version of your friend. She spends most of her time complaining about everything, I mean everything and everyone. Nothing is good enough, no one is good enough. She is negative about people's projects ... well, you get it. Also, she is also full of pains and aches and spends a lot of time in the clinic just to find out there is nothing serious with her. With time I came to realize that she is actually fine! Her several visits and exam results never showed elevated heart rate, or high blood pressure. Nothing! My most humble conclusion tells me that her negativity, surprisingly, does not seem to affect her subjective well-being.
Is there any chance your friend is like this? Or, is she actually afflicted by chronic sadness?
If so, in order to "upgrade" her set point as you smartly said here. She would have to engage with intentional activities. This is something that in theory is totally achievable for her because she is fully functioning in life. You said she is doing a Masters, she socializes etc... and this is why I ask you whether her negativity is a bad habit she developed or is the result of her low levels of well being.
Intentional activities include anything like more objective practices such as exercising to subjective ones such as gratitude. But she needs to be proactive. She even has an example right before her: you!
Lots and lots of cyber hugs (ahahahah) and love to you too my dear :)
I wish you all the best always.
Thank you so much for the support! This series is an attempt to disguise some of my personal thoughts and questions under Xenon's wisdom!! :)
As far as my friend is considered, I believe it all started when she moved back after university. She struggled for years to find a job in the city where we studied, but unfortunately she didn't make it and had to stay in the little town we grew up. For a few years she even gave up dancing (it was a twice-a-week hobby that she absolutely loved). If you put a few unsuccessful relationships she had in the past, some light bullying during school years and teenage insecurities she never managed to overcome (that's what I see at least), this girl came to wither day by day.
She happens to get sick easily too, a few minor gynecological problems and some vitamin deficiencies surely have their share on her bad mood. Sometimes I don't know if she attracts all these unfortunate events with her negativity or the whole situation just weakens her immune system.
Intentional activities? She goes to the gym a few days a week, BUT, she has low blood pressure because of a heart condition she has had ever since she was a child and she gets tired easily. She goes out with with friends or shopping every once in a while. I even tried to talk her into having a steemit account and write about archaeology (that's what she studied), she was NEGATIVE and still is!
She realises that what she's doing to herself is bad, but she keeps to her chains and doen't let go. It is just sad. I hope she gets to feel satisfied with her life at some point and be grateful for the good things she already has without thinking of the unfair things that have happened to her at the same time!
Thank you very much for your reply! May you have a wonderful weekend! :D