---- Detaching From Toxicity - Start Today ----
Detaching From Toxicity - Start Today
We all have had our fair share of crap go on in our lives that really gets the best of us and weighs us down. We have to deal with varying scenarios which can have us feeling a gamut of emotions depending on what we are dealing with. There are the classic areas of interest work, family, friends and much more, we put on the mask, we grin and bare it, but lets have a really good think about what it is we are doing here.
Our lack of self-congruence in many of these situations can have a considerable effect on out wellbeing and stress levels. While we make our prefabricated excuses justifying other behaviour/interaction and find ways to manage the situations at hand, we can start to lose sight of the fact that we are entitled to disengage with these situations if we choose to do so…. Particularly if the situation is fraught with toxicity.
The world will give us countless excuses for putting up with unacceptable behaviour from others, they even have nice catchy sayings to help us all along in the bullshit. This one ring any bells “Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me”. However, studies on various forms of bulling including Workplace bullying has presented data which contradicts this saying directly. Depression, anxiety and the PHYSICAL presentation of psychological effects known as somatization. How about toleration and non reporting of Sexual harassment in the workplace due to claims not being taken seriously, fear of losing the job and much more.
There are even sayings which attempt to force interactions that are unhealthy such as “You have to love your family members no matter what” but do you? you “have to” do you? what about this mother who killed some of her family members including her children? Or how about a father who abuses his children? but if they are part of our family we have to love them no matter what, even as they murder us apparently. The list goes on of the examples which more than prove the rule.
While these may be extreme examples, it shows that while these sayings may exist to subdue our emotions they are quite inaccurate when we apply them in the real world. The social norms have conditioned us to accept particular behaviours and excuse them to our own peril and demise. We suffer the consequences of remaining silent and enduring behaviours and scenarios that are far beyond reasonable and for what? To keep the peace? To keep that job? To appease the people around us?
No one “has to” anything, we don’t have to tolerate the behaviours of others which we find unacceptable. We don’t have to stay in relationships that are destructive to the very essence of who we are. We have the choice to detach from toxicity whenever we want to and however we see fit. It doesn’t matter who the other person is they have no right to force their autonomy on to anyone else or to impinge your autonomy in any way.
So who are you carrying all those bricks for?
There comes a time when we must all take a moment to ourselves and “take stock” of who we are, where we are going, and what we want from life. To evaluate the relationships we have and what they meant to us. To purge the poison from our lives and practice some self-care for our own piece of mind.
This means taking that back pack off and going through the bricks we carry and offloading the ones that serve no purpose, the ones that have no value, the ones that weigh us down. If we are to carry bricks throughout life should they not be of the greatest value? Should they not be the ones we choose to carry rather than those we are forced to carry?
We are entitled to make this maneuver at any time we see fit, many times if need be. As much as we are told it is rude or not nice, but we must consider this, it is rude to force autonomy on to others, is it not nice to force people to do what is not congruent with the self.
Making this kind of decision is not without its consequences and we must be prepared to deal with the ramifications of these actions. The societal norms are a self-correcting system that will try and get you to conform to its ways. We will get to see the true colours of those around us as they choose how to interact with our new found decision to not tolerate toxicity, to stand up for ourselves, and strive for our own happiness.
We may lose our friends, jobs, and even family members, but let’s be real here, if these people and groups can have such an adverse reaction to us practicing self-care, looking after ourselves, physical and mental health… do they really care about us? Are they concerned for our well-being? I would say no, so is it really a big loss? I would rather eat alone than with those who would poison my meal.
Ultimately it comes down to us and what we are willing to sacrifice to social norms gods that dictate what is “normal behaviour”, keeping in mind that this has given us things like eating Tide Pods and a number of other ridiculous challenges. Are we willing to sell our should for social acceptance by people who don’t give a damn about us? Or are we going to make our way to our own happiness with people who genuinely care about us and who we are? As much as we may think otherwise, it is up to us what we accept and chose to engage with.
So please, I urge you to take stock, go through that backpack, remove the dead weight and when you are interacting with people, pay attention. Are they a positive impact on your life or are they draining your soul. YOU have the right to say “enough”, to say “No more” and remove yourself from the situation and the situation from your life, regardless if its friends, family, work or anything else that poisoning you with its toxicity.
As much as we maybe conditioned to think otherwise we have the right to make these changes to head toward a more happy, autonomous self. no one will care as much about you as you, its time to start our journey to a better life through self care, lets start today.
Thank you for such a good read. Gives a perfect perspective on how far it can take us if we remain silent and keep it to ourselves. Really enjoyed your style of writing and your point of view:)
Take care M
thanks for taking the time to have a read of my article, we often lose sight of thet fact that we have the ability to choose what we engage with in life, once we have this realization we can start making positive changes in our lives... but it all starts with how we perceive the situation :)
I was once confronted by such a scenario between feelings of loyalty and gratitude for a boss that believed in me and gave me a huge chance or leaving because of all the office politics.
In the end I had to chose what was right for me because by staying I did not have the peace of mind as all of my actions were looked on with suspicion and that I was not free to move.
So yes to removing toxicity in our lives.
Thank you so much for reading, commenting and sharing your experience. Yes, as children we are told about growing up and being an adult, yet when we enter the "adult realm" we are often confronted with the same kind of scenario as in school. The various clicks and groups a kind of interactivity which can be a negative impact on the human psyche.
When we force ourselves to engage with these people/groups we can experience Cognitive Dissonance which can weigh heavy on the mind which can lead to the the aforementioned psychological constructs and more.
Generally speaking we know what is good for us and what is not. its up to us to draw the line on what is acceptable behavior for us, as difficult as it may be. When its our heath on the line, it is of the highest importance to make sure we practice self care and do what we must to reach our own happy place.... even if that means going against the grain of the social norms.
This post should be on the trending page. I can really relate to this. It is days since we have slept soundly. we take good care of my mil who is a dementia patient and sadly, all her other children excluding my husband have almost ignored her and never join in to share hte responsibility. As the graph shows, i am on the verge but still those relatives dont care. nowadays, I really am on the mental state to ignore such toxic people.
Thanks for writing about this
thank you for the positive comment on the article, im happy to know it was of some help to you. im sorry to hear about your struggles, many times those that cause us the most stress are those which are closest to us. We are not superheroes we have the right to bleed, to be weak and falter, in these moments we must make sure to practice self care, we can not look after anyone if we are not doing well ourselves.
At times the decision to remove toxic people from our lives can come with judgment form others, it is up to us to make our peace with this and not concern ourselves with the opinions of others. we must gravitate towards what is best for us as a human being. No one should judge others for making the decision to look after themselves, their physical health, and mental health.
I've heard about removing "toxic" people from your life before. The most difficult decision is when one of these people is your parent or any other close relative. But I realized that there is no exeption from this rule!
Loved your high quality article with insights into deep analysis, beautiful pictures and your entertaining style, it was a pleasure to read!
Thank you for taking the time to read my article and making a great comment. Yes it can be difficult when the people are close to you like parents or relatives, but as you said there are no exceptions to the rule. maintaining a close relationship with people who exhibit high levels of toxicity toward you will ultimately lead towards higher stress levels and in turn health issues which can be detrimental to ones life experience.
As humans we are reliant, capable and strong enough to make these kinds of decisions and follow them through, as much as it may against the social norms. If its what we desire we must be brave and implement the change needed to move towards a more congruent and autonomous self.
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