This a very interesting post - mainly because I see some of what you say, apply to myself!
(not the 'complainy' parts).

When I look at my life choices, I can say- pretty unequivocally-that I made choices not through gaining some advantage in my own life, but gaining chaos.
(Not consciously at the time of course, but looking back in retrospect.)

I am/was chronically scared of boredom in life, so whether that was the motivator, or the fear of boredom itself had deeper meanings, I'm not sure.

I know as I get older, my ' boredom threshold' is pushed further away, as I find interest in things that now hold my attention.
Things that wouldn't necessarily have held my focus when I was younger...
...and as a result, less chaotic a life.
(I hope! lol)